Thetownend.com

Dear DRS,
              I have never been called a cunt on this forum, i have been a member on here for a number of years and feel very left out of what appears to be a very cliquey group. If i dont get called "Cunt" very shortly i will flounce off of this forum and then reappear 5 weeks later under a weird name.

Dear DRS,
              Being somewhat socially challenged, I came seeking some good tips for eateries in London, but someone took the mick out of me. Can you beat them up please?

Man up you soppy cunt and get on with it.

Dear DRS

People think I am a nutcase, which I don't have a problem with. I saw your thread and would like to be told the same thing that you said to Foggy.

Thanks in advance.

TT
xxx

Dear DRS, please can you refrain from giving me duff information pre-season regarding players we are signing which don't happen.

Love Bob
xx

People must want to help themselves first. You don't.

Fuck off

If you honestly believed we were signing peles love child that's your problem

Dear DRS,

I was once a member of a forum but then someone took over the helm of the club that the forum was about that deeply disturbed me and my morals and i didnt want to get into an arguement with people so i fucked off. Now the dust has settled somewhat I want to go back to the forum and post utter genius posts like the worlds hardest creatures competition and euro stunners, do you think I will be taken back into the forum cleavage.

mex red

He lives!  He lives!

One by one, they return.  Davis will be next.

I want to shag a miget is that wrong? Thanks in advance. :nod:

Dear DRS,

I keep seeing this posh, ginger piece on the train, but she always pretends to be on her phone and I can't think of anything to say to her to break the ice... have you got any tips to get a conversation started?

Thanks
jayohaitchenn

Dear DRS,

Can you tell me the best recipe for scrambled eggs? Is it best to use milk, cream, or just butter?

Dear DRS,

Can you tell me the best recipe for scrambled eggs? Is it best to use milk, cream, or just butter?

Thanks

No, no you dont.  No mustard you sick bastard.  Maybe this is the dividing line between us and the pox. 

This - mustard in scrambled eggs is aceness. If I haven't got mustard powder in, I will sometimes swap the mustard for finely chopped spring onion.

Hi suggs

I find drinking a pint of water with a spoonful of sugar before sleeping after a heavy night works really well.

Get the impression no one can help with the pulling part though although you could go for a tans like lip job

cunt

The only places i've ever seen a uni hoodie on sale is the Student Union shop and they are rarely cheap!

Where did you find a Warwick one?

Or do you visit SU shops for the fun of it?

Dear DRS,

I have purchased a University of Warwick hoodie because it looked comfy and was quite cheap. As I have never been to the University of Warwick, let alone any University, does this make me a fraud and wannabe academic? How can I ditch my nerdy ways and head into the land of cool?

Kind regards,

Sonic Youth

Dear DRS,

Any betting tips for tonight?

Dear DRS

As the Burton Albion game has been approaching, I've spent the last few weeks wondering what a quaint little town in the Peak District famed for its mineral water is doing with a League side.  I now realise my mistake, and I'm scared that people will find out and make fun of me.  What shall I do?

Apprehensively yours,

Ardiles.

I think your recent fascination with norway added to the fact you now have a hoody plus have had a look around worries me.We could have another potential massacre on our hands soon(you look the type)

Dear DRS,

I have noticed that as I get older I am more inclined to sit down to have a piss.  This coupled, with the fact that I am increasingly obsessed with my weight and buying shit loads of stuff through the internet leads me to believe I am turning into a woman. Should I be concerned?

Name the following two products , this may help DRS work out whether you are a women:

[url width=180 height=150]http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af289/CHSphoto2009/Simplicity%202011/2nd%20Period%20SIMPLICITY/coke.jpg[/url]
[url width=54 height=100]http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee175/oh_snap_its_megan/diet-coke.jpg[/url]

Dear DRS, I drink Diet Coke and Coke Zero. Is this a womanly thing to do?

Dear DRS,

Just recently I have found myself replying in my head to posts but then being overwhelmed with apathy (which in itself is clearly a misnomer or something) and unable to be bothered to log in and complete the task in the real world.  This has meant many people have missed some stupendous moments of humour from me, honestly.

Will this pass, and I end up unable to go through a day at work without posting several pointless comments once again? or am I destined to go out with a whimper, and if so should I combust online instead and delete my account sharpish?

Dear DRS,

I have noticed that as I get older I am more inclined to sit down to have a piss.  This coupled, with the fact that I am increasingly obsessed with my weight and buying shit loads of stuff through the internet leads me to believe I am turning into a woman. Should I be concerned?

Dear DRS

I find myself spending most of my time at work wanting to bang the living daylights out of a female colleague. This represents the following conflict of interests;

1. The current bird may find this objectionable
2. I dont have a hope in hell
3. Frankly I dont think she likes me very much
4. Chunking one off in the work toilets may be satisfying but people think I go for a poo 3 times a day

Please assist

Yours
DMR

Fuck off

Dear DRS

i have long ginger hair and pale white skin, people seem to shout abuse and throw things at me in the street. My parents dont want to know me and will not return my calls, emails or carrier pigeons. i dont have any luck with girls so have thoughts about boys but i think they will have the ginger hatred as well
Please advise

Fat Coke, Skinny Coke

The top one goes with my Swindon shirt and the bottom one matches my trainers... decisions, decisions.... maybe I'll buy both...

Dear DRS,

I don't like coke at all, whether it be fat coke, skinny coke, coke zero, full fat coke or vodka and coke.  It makes me want to gag.  In fact, you can extend that to virtually all fizzy drinks.  This makes going for a non-alcoholic drink somewhat embarrassing, as I tend only to drink milk or ribena.

Kind Regards,

Walrus

Dear DRS,

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, but I don't know what to get and i'm a bit of a pansy regarding pain. Can you offer a solution to either problem?

Cheers,
Dave

Either that or my prefered course of action would be to whisper quietly in her ear 'you know i'm not pooing in those toilets don't you' followed my a cheeky wink of the eye.

Thought about getting a barcode on my upper arm. Or different coloured hairs on my head

Dear DRS

i have long ginger hair and pale white skin, people seem to shout abuse and throw things at me in the street. My parents dont want to know me and will not return my calls, emails or carrier pigeons. i dont have any luck with girls so have thoughts about boys but i think they will have the ginger hatred as well
Please advise

Yes already have. Have also signed it for

It doesn't have the Dicanio interview in it though

Why ??

Dear DRS,
              Why are we asking you questions? Is this a Deidresque sort of thing?

I took it out

Dear DRS

Since our little liaison the other week I've come out in a rash. It would appear you have given me the clap.

What can I do?

Coke zero is a womans drink yes

Dear DRS,
               Please could you pick me up a copy of today's Adver ?? For your troubles, I will buy you beer.

Much love.

Ralph.

Are they selling them at the ground ?

Coke zero is a womans drink yes

Is Pepsi Max gay too ?

I also drink that as I thought it was the 'mans version' of Diet Pepsi

Walnut cake... yum. Any coffee in that?

Pepsi max is the cunts version of any fizzy drink.  Have you not seen the adverts where cunts twat about acting like cunts before dancing around like a bunch of cunts because they've managed to get their own cunting way and 'oh life is so cunting marvellous im here dancing with my cunt mates who have helped me be a cunt'

I dont like it.

Pepsi max is the cunts version of any fizzy drink.  Have you not seen the adverts where cunts twat about acting like cunts before dancing around like a bunch of cunts because they've managed to get their own cunting way and 'oh life is so cunting marvellous im here dancing with my cunt mates who have helped me be a cunt'

I dont like it.

Pepsi Max i like... but their adverts go some way towards me boycotting it.

Pepsi max is the cunts version of any fizzy drink.  Have you not seen the adverts where cunts twat about acting like cunts before dancing around like a bunch of cunts because they've managed to get their own cunting way and 'oh life is so cunting marvellous im here dancing with my cunt mates who have helped me be a cunt'

I dont like it.

...and what was with the ultra-trendy Kopparburg advert? Since when has pear cider been the drink of the super-cool underground? Answer me this DRS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nefyeGMfkN0

Rant of the decade, nice work  ;D

Their adverts are of the utmost cuntiness. I think the worst thing about their adverts is they try to act like what they do is an everyday lark between mates, but the shit they do couldn't be recreated for toffee.

For instance, the annoying as fuck undoing of a can on a flat surface of a meteorite/stone (40 seconds in) after faking a television advert over the world's imminent end? What? The music seriously sucks as well. It makes me think of Phil Laak dancing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CDH7IaNG6E

...and what was with the ultra-trendy Kopparburg advert? Since when has pear cider been the drink of the super-cool underground? Answer me this DRS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nefyeGMfkN0

Bang on sister.

That series of adverts is fucking appalling.  Everything about it just makes me want to pour paint stripper over my eye and sex balls.  Fucking appalling.

 Now

Dear DRS,

Has Vanessa Feltz any endearing sex qualities?

Quite recently I have been having unhealthy thoughts about the pudgy self opinionated lard arse and it does worry me.

Thank You
 

Quite recently I have been having unhealthy thoughts about the pudgy self opinionated lard arse and it does worry me.

Thank You
 

Dear DRS,after dropping some programs off at tans house in Chipping Norton,he failed to tell me that his house is built on a 1 in 10 gradient hill,well after parking a fully laden lorry on said hill and then having to climb in and out of the lorry i fear i now have vertigo.....the doc just recomended walking on a slight slant to counter balance my bodily fluids but this has made my left shoe extremely worn.

Any suggestions?

Dear DRS,after dropping some programs off at tans house in Chipping Norton,he failed to tell me that his house is built on a 1 in 10 gradient hill,well after parking a fully laden lorry on said hill and then having to climb in and out of the lorry i fear i now have vertigo.....the doc just recomended walking on a slight slant to counter balance my bodily fluids but this has made my left shoe extremely worn.

Any suggestions?

Dear DRS,

I have taken to smoking roll ups instead of normal cigarettes as it makes me less inclined to have a quick crafty cigarette, however, I am pretty awful at rolling. Do you have any tips?

Kind regards,

Sonic Yoof

Struggle cuddle

the government does soapy tit wank

Pop his lips.And stop giving away my inheritence

If you're laughing at Miranda then you've got no hope as a human being, regardless of gender

I'm confused, is this directed at DRS or about him?

Ask Toni.

I saw her last game.

Still fit as fuck ;)

Dear DRS,

I've started using kids toilet wipes as I find they clean better than toilet paper. I used to raid the kids stash occasionally but now buy my own and use them all the time. Am I normal?

it was literally like grease proof paper or tracing paper.

Dear Mr. DRS,

What was the point of 1980's style school toilet paper. For the benefit of those who weren't born, it was literally like grease proof paper or tracing paper. Certainly I'd be hard pushed to find a more harsh and less absorbent substance to wipe my arse with.

It has been a mystery to me for many a year and I think now is the time it should be answered.

yours faithfully, etc etc.

We used to call it Clint Eastwood toilet paper as it was rough, tough & took shit off no-one.

It was bought in to replace the cain

It was indeed, like wiping your arse with a cross between cling film and the stuff you line cake tins with. It must have been cheap.

Oh Boy, where to begin......... I don't know whether these bastards were strictly reserved for the north or whether they had a national franchise to supply all schools. Back in the early 70's when I was at school, the cubicles were stocked with this "toilet paper". I use the word "paper" in it's loosest sense. Izal was purported to be strong and medicated to control the spread of germs. Bollocks. The only thing in history that spread more germs was Typhoid Mary. Izal had the constituency of tracing paper. Tough as fuck with a shiny polished veneer. Izal did not remove shit from your nether regions, it simply redistributed in an ever thinner sheen until the entire section of your arse had a beige tint to it. Particularly careless first wipes could result in shit smears as far up your back as your shoulder blades so slippy was it. It was pure evil, made worse by the fact that some council bribing bastard made a fortune out of it.

Who managed piss the highest up the wall?

Our primary school was prime for that. A big porcelain trough (made by adamant) then wall above. You weren't fit to piss in the trough ever again if you didn't at least make a bit of wall with your stream.

Pissatschool was nothing to be scared of.

Our primary school was prime for that. A big porcelain trough (made by adamant) then wall above. You weren't fit to piss in the trough ever again if you didn't at least make a bit of wall with your stream.

[url width=615 height=447]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v490/jamiethon/Izal.jpg[/url]

If you pissed over the trough you drenched your mates coats.

...people used to turn them to the "up" position and gob in them...

I never once had a shit at school.

Our primary school was prime for that. A big porcelain trough (made by adamant) then wall above. You weren't fit to piss in the trough ever again if you didn't at least make a bit of wall with your stream.