Dear DRS

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS,

Just recently I have found myself replying in my head to posts but then being overwhelmed with apathy (which in itself is clearly a misnomer or something) and unable to be bothered to log in and complete the task in the real world.  This has meant many people have missed some stupendous moments of humour from me, honestly.

Will this pass, and I end up unable to go through a day at work without posting several pointless comments once again? or am I destined to go out with a whimper, and if so should I combust online instead and delete my account sharpish?

This may come down to lack of confidece.At one point you were a well liked indivudual due to the loud and proud project but now you are irrelevent.

I suggest making a big flag 

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS,

I have noticed that as I get older I am more inclined to sit down to have a piss.  This coupled, with the fact that I am increasingly obsessed with my weight and buying shit loads of stuff through the internet leads me to believe I am turning into a woman. Should I be concerned?

Sorry to hear about all this distress you've had. If you genuinely do have a very small penis ( a condition called 'micropenis'), it would be possible to have enlargement surgery. It's even possible that this could be done on the NHS.

The type of surgeon you need to consult is a urologist. And to get to see him/her you'll need a letter from your GP.

So, please don't be embarrassed to see your doctor. Just go and see him/her, and say you'd like a referral note to see a urologist.

One final point, your personal details suggest you are somewhat overweight. Slimming down would be a small contribution to making your penis look more prominent.

However, what you need now is expert help: consult that urologist!.

Yours sincerely

The NetDoctor Medical Team

[DMR]

Dear DRS

I find myself spending most of my time at work wanting to bang the living daylights out of a female colleague. This represents the following conflict of interests;

1. The current bird may find this objectionable
2. I dont have a hope in hell
3. Frankly I dont think she likes me very much
4. Chunking one off in the work toilets may be satisfying but people think I go for a poo 3 times a day

Please assist

Yours
DMR

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS

I find myself spending most of my time at work wanting to bang the living daylights out of a female colleague. This represents the following conflict of interests;

1. The current bird may find this objectionable
2. I dont have a hope in hell
3. Frankly I dont think she likes me very much
4. Chunking one off in the work toilets may be satisfying but people think I go for a poo 3 times a day

Please assist

Yours
DMR

Oh this is a tough one. I would suggest stalking her suss her out a bit check out her movements.You may find out something you don't like.

Either that or my prefered course of action would be to whisper quietly in her ear 'you know i'm not pooing in those toilets don't you' followed my a cheeky wink of the eye.

[Talk Talk]

Dear DRS

I took your very kind advice.

Fuck off

I fucked off for a couple of days and now I am back. Nothing seems to have changed.

Any further suggestions?

Ta

TT
xxx

[Don Rogers Shop]

Try fucking off longer?

[Miles Mayhem]

Dear DRS

i have long ginger hair and pale white skin, people seem to shout abuse and throw things at me in the street. My parents dont want to know me and will not return my calls, emails or carrier pigeons. i dont have any luck with girls so have thoughts about boys but i think they will have the ginger hatred as well
Please advise

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS

i have long ginger hair and pale white skin, people seem to shout abuse and throw things at me in the street. My parents dont want to know me and will not return my calls, emails or carrier pigeons. i dont have any luck with girls so have thoughts about boys but i think they will have the ginger hatred as well
Please advise

No hope at all for you ginge

[Batch]

Fat Coke, Skinny Coke

The top one goes with my Swindon shirt and the bottom one matches my trainers... decisions, decisions.... maybe I'll buy both...

You are a women, quod erat demonstrandum.

[walrus]

Dear DRS,

I don't like coke at all, whether it be fat coke, skinny coke, coke zero, full fat coke or vodka and coke.  It makes me want to gag.  In fact, you can extend that to virtually all fizzy drinks.  This makes going for a non-alcoholic drink somewhat embarrassing, as I tend only to drink milk or ribena.

Kind Regards,

Walrus

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS,

I don't like coke at all, whether it be fat coke, skinny coke, coke zero, full fat coke or vodka and coke.  It makes me want to gag.  In fact, you can extend that to virtually all fizzy drinks.  This makes going for a non-alcoholic drink somewhat embarrassing, as I tend only to drink milk or ribena.

Kind Regards,

Walrus

Is this a question or a facebook status

[Bogus Dave]

Dear DRS,

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, but I don't know what to get and i'm a bit of a pansy regarding pain. Can you offer a solution to either problem?

Cheers,
Dave

[Don Rogers Shop]

Dear DRS,

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, but I don't know what to get and i'm a bit of a pansy regarding pain. Can you offer a solution to either problem?

Cheers,
Dave

What or your likes? A tattoo is painful and anyone who says otherwise is a bullshitter. For you first one i would suggest nothing to flash but nothing you will regret as getting them covered up is shit

[DMR]

Either that or my prefered course of action would be to whisper quietly in her ear 'you know i'm not pooing in those toilets don't you' followed my a cheeky wink of the eye.

Apologies for the slow response; gave this a try and 2 minutes later was up to my nuts in guts.

Thankyou DRS you remain a source of inspiration to those of us less fortunate.

[Bogus Dave]

Thought about getting a barcode on my upper arm. Or different coloured hairs on my head