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Author Topic: Friday Joke  (Read 64420 times)
bamboonoshop

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« Reply #345 on: Sunday, September 23, 2018, 15:14:55 »

These guy's are fucking amazing.

Gem's include "How does water get high up if rivers only run down hill", "why are people not upside down in Australia" and, one of my personal favourites. "If the earth is curved, why are rail-roads not curved."

As for anything to do with Australia. Many are convinced it doesn't even exist.

Haha, I guess they don't believe in evaporation then! Wonder what their thoughts are on EVAPORATED Milk and how it is produced? Never heard the "...why are railroads not curved." one!! Yeah, I think they include NZ in that non-existent thought too!
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Flashheart

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« Reply #346 on: Sunday, September 23, 2018, 15:36:35 »

Haha, I guess they don't believe in evaporation then!

Mention 'rain' and they just hurl a torrent of abuse and accuse you of being a NASA shill.
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I like it firm and fruity.
bamboonoshop

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« Reply #347 on: Monday, September 24, 2018, 15:35:35 »

Haha, oh that mysterious old rain! I'd love to be a NASA shill. Those Flerfers really are a bunch of cunts. I wonder if I asked them if they believed in Pythagoras' theorem, how they might respond?
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horlock07

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« Reply #348 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 14:43:48 »

Why should you never wear Russian underpants?




Chernobyl* fall out!



*Yeah I know its actually Ukraine but that spoils it.
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Flashheart

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« Reply #349 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 15:58:54 »

Why should you never wear Russian underpants?




Chernobyl* fall out!



*Yeah I know its actually Ukraine but that spoils it.

So perhaps, maybe, ask why one should never wear Ukranian Underpants Wink
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I like it firm and fruity.
Peter Venkman

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« Reply #350 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 16:37:34 »

So perhaps, maybe, ask why one should never wear Ukranian Underpants Wink
That did cross my mind!
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Because I chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First-night nerves every one-night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock n Roll don't mind.
suttonred

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« Reply #351 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 18:59:57 »

I thought it funny whatever the eastern European country quoted. The wife err, not so much..
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Peter Venkman

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« Reply #352 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 19:04:58 »

I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl.

I counted at least 8 innacuracies on my right hand alone.
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Because I chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First-night nerves every one-night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock n Roll don't mind.
Red Frog
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« Reply #353 on: Friday, September 13, 2019, 19:37:07 »

I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl.

I counted at least 8 innacuracies on my right hand alone.

Fffuuinnnyy tthhaattft. Iii liiicvbe iin Ppriipppyat ttooo.
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Tout ce que je sais de plus sűr ŕ propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
Legends-Lounge

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Non PC straight talking tory Brexit voter on this




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« Reply #354 on: Thursday, January 9, 2020, 12:33:35 »

A day early but in the light of the Doyle situation I hope this takes your mind off it for a few minutes. Nicked from FB.

Caeser announces to his fellow Romans.
"Tomorrow, I will gather up my legions and invade France. I will kill any Frenchman that dares to get in my way"
Brutus says to a centurion " he talks a good war, but he's full of shit, he won't do it"
The following day Caeser rounds up his armies and sets off for France. Six months later, he's back.
"My beloved Romans I am pleased to announce that I have conquered France and in the process we have slain 50,000 Gauls."
A huge cheer goes up from the crowd.
" I can't believe it" says Brutus to the centurion. " I'm going to have to go and see this for myself"
Brutus hops onto a galley and sets sail for France. Two weeks later, he's back Just as Caeser is starting another of his speeches.
"My fellow countrymen..." Begins Caeser.
"You lying git" shouts Brutus
"I beg your pardon?" Says Caeser
" You said had conquered France and slain 50,000 Gauls, but in actual fact, you have only slain 25,000". Exclaimed Brutus.
"Ah, but you forget..." Says Caeser " In Europe, away Gauls count double !"
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pauld

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« Reply #355 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 13:16:16 »

Pinched off a Dad Joke account on Twitter:

Meatloaf has divorced his wife who was also acting as his accountant. Apparently, she'll do anything for love but she won't do VAT...
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Sippo
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« Reply #356 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 13:47:20 »

.


* twitter_EUBZ8whX0AARVoj.jpg (273.64 KB, 688x2048 - viewed 116 times.)
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit...
Quagmire

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« Reply #357 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 14:17:27 »

Blimey, seems one of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid. I hear he’s been put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely.
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smalltowngypsymassacre

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« Reply #358 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 14:29:57 »

Saw a terrorist walking around with a load of recycling containers. He was BIN LADEN
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Red Frog
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« Reply #359 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 14:46:40 »

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Turns out people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, whereas... well, I'll let you work out the rest.  Wink
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Tout ce que je sais de plus sűr ŕ propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
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