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Costanza


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« Reply #315 on: Tuesday, May 17, 2011, 21:46:46 »

Has anyone tried Welsh wine? Nobody bottles it like Cardiff!

Mean people said that joke using Charlie Austin last season. Boo mean people.
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« Reply #316 on: Wednesday, May 18, 2011, 09:18:53 »

Has anyone tried Welsh wine? Nobody bottles it like Cardiff!

Some may say that losing in a play-off final and getting relegated the season after would be worse!
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« Reply #317 on: Wednesday, May 18, 2011, 13:19:40 »

Credit to John Cleese:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and the announcement of the death of Osama bin Laden, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."   The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "P!ssed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards."  They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide.”   The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."  Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."  They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish  navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate."  Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!  I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled."   So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final  escalation level.

 


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« Reply #318 on: Wednesday, May 18, 2011, 16:13:51 »

Nice.
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« Reply #319 on: Friday, March 16, 2018, 20:00:21 »

"I took my car to the garage the other day, the guy said he is a quantum mechanic.

I asked him if he could fix it. He said he'd need a look at it first." - Stephen Hawking
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« Reply #320 on: Friday, March 16, 2018, 23:41:52 »

What makes me giggle is the thought of Hawking giggling because so many won't get it. Regardless of how funny it is (or is not).
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« Reply #321 on: Saturday, March 17, 2018, 00:05:40 »

What makes me giggle is the thought of Hawking giggling because so many won't get it. Regardless of how funny it is (or is not).

I actually thought this too when I read it. He was a mischievous buggar on the quiet. Wonder if he's bumped into Patrick Moore yet?
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Sir Cliff Pipehard


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« Reply #322 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 11:00:29 »


Well done Liverpool on beating Man City in the first leg of the Champions league quarter finals.

I've not seen a Scouser that excited about one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills.


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« Reply #323 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 14:15:45 »

I actually thought this too when I read it. He was a mischievous buggar on the quiet. Wonder if he's bumped into Patrick Moore yet?
Einstein would be a stellar meeting.
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bamboonoshoe


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« Reply #324 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 14:28:40 »

Einstein would be a stellar meeting.

Quite, and Galileo too.  Smiley
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« Reply #325 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 14:37:28 »

Quite, and Galileo too.  Smiley
Giotto
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« Reply #326 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 14:56:00 »

No I definitely meant Galileo or do you mean to include Giotto as well?
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« Reply #327 on: Friday, April 6, 2018, 14:59:11 »

No I definitely meant Galileo or do you mean to include Giotto as well?

Include.
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« Reply #328 on: Friday, April 20, 2018, 15:01:34 »

Bloke at his best mate's funeral goes up to the widow and says: "I'd like to say a word if you don't mind."

"No of course not," she says, "that'd be lovely."

So he walks to the front, clears his throat and says: "Plethora."

"Thank you," she says, "that means a lot."
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Tout ce que je sais de plus sűr ŕ propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
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