Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 53   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Friday Joke Thread  (Read 153904 times)
H

« Reply #15 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:20:54 »

Bloke walks into a mill in Accrington.

"Does Fred still work here?"

"Yep, but you just missed him, he's gone to fetch some cotton"

"No worries I'll come back tomorrow"

Next day the bloke wanders into the mill again

"Is Fred around ?"

"You've just missed him again, he's gone to fetch more cotton"

"Oh bugger, I'll try again next week"

Next week  he's in there again

"Fred ?"

"Sorry pal, he died last Wednesday, they buried him in the cemetery at the top of the road"

"Bloody hell, I'll go and pay my respects"

Up at the cemetry he found Fred'd headstone which read
       
Fred's Gone...........................................but not for cotton.


Be gentle with me (1st post)
Logged
herthab
TEF Travel

Offline Offline

Posts: 12019





Ignore
« Reply #16 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:22:13 »

Cheesy

Good one!

How's life after Steps?
Logged

It's All Good..............
land_of_bo

« Reply #17 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:25:31 »

Quote from: "herthab"
How's life after Steps?


 :goodpost:
Logged
STFCBird
Ralphy's Wet Dream

Offline Offline

Posts: 10666

C U Next Tuesday!




Ignore
« Reply #18 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:29:14 »

Quote from: "H"
Bloke walks into a mill in Accrington.

"Does Fred still work here?"

"Yep, but you just missed him, he's gone to fetch some cotton"

"No worries I'll come back tomorrow"

Next day the bloke wanders into the mill again

"Is Fred around ?"

"You've just missed him again, he's gone to fetch more cotton"

"Oh bugger, I'll try again next week"

Next week  he's in there again

"Fred ?"

"Sorry pal, he died last Wednesday, they buried him in the cemetery at the top of the road"

"Bloody hell, I'll go and pay my respects"

Up at the cemetry he found Fred'd headstone which read
       
Fred's Gone...........................................but not for cotton.


Be gentle with me (1st post)


   Oops
Logged
OOH! SHAUN TAYLOR
- FACT!

Offline Offline

Posts: 13126



WWW

Ignore
« Reply #19 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:30:48 »

Here are some Tommy Cooper gags:

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?'. I said, 'I'd like to stay here' She said, 'Ok. Stay there'.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ' 'No, because he's really heavy'

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.

 Cool
Logged
H

« Reply #20 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:32:25 »

Quote from: "herthab"
Cheesy

Good one!

How's life after Steps?


Its a struggle but my at least my arse has got better.  :shock:
Logged
Fred Elliot
I REST MY FUCKING CASE

Offline Offline

Posts: 15736





Ignore
« Reply #21 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:33:06 »

Classic Cooper

 Cheesy
Logged
herthab
TEF Travel

Offline Offline

Posts: 12019





Ignore
« Reply #22 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:34:47 »

I loved Tommy Cooper.

He was brilliant and not once did he die on stage.

Well, just the once.............................
Logged

It's All Good..............
WorcesterRed

Offline Offline

Posts: 186




Ignore
« Reply #23 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:37:08 »

Quote from: "herthab"
I loved Tommy Cooper.

He was brilliant and not once did he die on stage.

Well, just the once.............................

           
Logged
Danjackson10

« Reply #24 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:45:13 »

Quote from: "Dave Blackcurrant"
What do you get if Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play tennis?


Endless Love.


haha
Logged
herthab
TEF Travel

Offline Offline

Posts: 12019





Ignore
« Reply #25 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:53:46 »

Quote from: "Danjackson10"
Quote from: "Dave Blackcurrant"
What do you get if Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play tennis?


Endless Love.


haha



You can say what you like about Stevie Wonder, but you've got to hand it to him.....................................
Logged

It's All Good..............
jayohaitchenn
Wielder of the BANHAMMER

Offline Offline

Posts: 11228




« Reply #26 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 15:32:08 »

Why is stevie Wonder so fucking happy?



















He thinks he's white.
Logged
magicroundabout
Fanta Pants

Offline Offline

Posts: 8695




Ignore
« Reply #27 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 15:39:56 »

Whats red and taps on glass???




Baby in a microwave
Logged

magicroundabout
Fanta Pants

Offline Offline

Posts: 8695




Ignore
« Reply #28 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 15:42:22 »

whats red and sits in the corner?



baby chewing a razorblade
Logged

jayohaitchenn
Wielder of the BANHAMMER

Offline Offline

Posts: 11228




« Reply #29 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 15:56:24 »

What's funnier than a dead baby?





A dead baby wearing a clown suit.
Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 53   Go Up
Print
Jump to: