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Author Topic: Friday Joke Thread  (Read 153905 times)
STFCBird
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« on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 12:53:21 »

Eric & Tim are having gay sex.

"I have aids" says Eric, "What" says Tim.

"I don't really" says Eric, "I just like the way your arse tightens when I say it"!

My dad sent me that  :|
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mylifeisstfc

« Reply #1 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 12:57:32 »

paddy and murphy reading headstones near a church, murphy says 'fuck me, there a bloke here who is 152!' paddy says 'what was him name?' murphy replied 'miles from london!'
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Simon Pieman
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« Reply #2 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:05:37 »

Quote from: "STFCBird"
Eric & Tim are having gay sex.

"I have aids" says Eric, "What" says Tim.

"I don't really" says Eric, "I just like the way your arse tightens when I say it"!

My dad sent me that  :|


 
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herthab
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« Reply #3 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:07:54 »

What's red and screams?












































A peeled baby in a bag of salt...........................................................
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McLovin

« Reply #4 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:13:15 »

What do you get if you put a baby in a blender?

An erection
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land_of_bo

« Reply #5 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:20:57 »

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
 
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye."Just Released: New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!"
 
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
 
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
 
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
 
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
 
"I'm sorry sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
 
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
 
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
 
"I'm terribly sorry, sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
 
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth.
 
Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
 
"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant. "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
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herthab
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« Reply #6 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:26:59 »

Fucking hell!

And I spent 30 seconds of my life reading it!....................................... :-))(
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McLovin

« Reply #7 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:40:36 »

What do you get if Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play tennis?


Endless Love.
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land_of_bo

« Reply #8 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:41:46 »

No one said it had to be good jokes  Cheesy

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah." said the teacher. Michael, do you have a story to share?" asked the teacher.

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking"
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herthab
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« Reply #9 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:41:54 »

What should you do if you've just had a baby?




Wipe the blood off your dick................
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land_of_bo

« Reply #10 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:42:52 »

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f***ing blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
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STFCBird
Ralphy's Wet Dream

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« Reply #11 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 13:58:52 »

Quote from: "herthab"
What should you do if you've just had a baby?




Wipe the blood off your dick................


Wrong.  :shake:
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herthab
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« Reply #12 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:04:51 »

Sorry Oops
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fatbury

« Reply #13 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:10:35 »

Birdy for Moderator! :toppost:
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herthab
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« Reply #14 on: Friday, March 9, 2007, 14:15:51 »

Is the female to male gender reassignment operation called a strapadichtomy?
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