jayohaitchenn
Wielder of the BANHAMMER
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Posts: 12829
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« Reply #705 on: Friday, December 11, 2015, 17:28:56 » |
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Andi Peters
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Flashheart
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« Reply #706 on: Friday, January 22, 2016, 11:35:56 » |
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How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
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Sippo
Living in the 80s
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Posts: 15614
I ain't gettin on no plane fool
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« Reply #707 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:11:59 » |
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A lorry carrying snooker equipment crashed on the M6 earlier today.
Apparently, the cues went back for miles.
Police said the driver was under a rest.
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit...
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4D
That was definately my last game, honest
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Posts: 23500
I can't bear it 🙄
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« Reply #708 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:46:11 » |
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Did he put the triangle out?
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Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
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Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
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« Reply #709 on: Monday, February 29, 2016, 11:57:13 » |
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There's a hot new band: 1023MB, but they haven't got a gig yet.
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From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
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skiptotheLouMacari
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« Reply #710 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 12:24:48 » |
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A lion has outlived his use at the West Midlands safari park and is shipped out to a retirement facility.
An older lion approaches him and asks "did you come here to die"?
To which the first lion answers "No i got here yesterdie"
I'll get me coat.
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reeves4england
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Posts: 16118
We'll never die!
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« Reply #711 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 14:52:34 » |
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Pretty sure that joke was in an episode of Dad's Army. The old ones are the best, eh?
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horlock07
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Posts: 19144
Lives in Northern Bastard Outpost
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« Reply #712 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:48:26 » |
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I've just eaten a very hot curried alphabet spaghetti, when I go to the toilet tomorrow it could spell disaster....
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Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
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Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
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« Reply #713 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:54:37 » |
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Somebody broke in and stole my dictionary.
I am lost for words.
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From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
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Tails
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Posts: 10181
Git facked
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« Reply #714 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 17:12:08 » |
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This bloke says to me 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books'
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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Posts: 866
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« Reply #715 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:03:18 » |
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I Went to the butchers this morning and he said to me, "I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up there"
I said, "I'm not betting"
He said, "Why not?"
I said, "The steaks are too high"
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Yesterday I was on the Tube and a bloke was teaching his dog to play the trumpet.
It was amazing. We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
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I had trouble putting my son in the shopping trolley at the supermarket today he screamed, shouted and made a really big scene at Tescos, at 25 you'd think he'd know better!!
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« Last Edit: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:04:49 by dave_bambers_right_sock »
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Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
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Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
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« Reply #716 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 15:35:51 » |
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I actually invented the word "pseudonym". Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.
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From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
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suttonred
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Posts: 12510
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« Reply #717 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 11:51:55 » |
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Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?
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Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
Offline
Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
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« Reply #718 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 12:08:19 » |
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Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?
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From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
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Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
Offline
Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
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« Reply #719 on: Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 13:23:32 » |
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As it's May the Fourth I'm taking Luke Kennard out for lunch to a Chinese restaurant.
He's an amiable chap but a bit of a bumbler.
He'll use the chopsticks but make a bit of a mess and I know that at some point I'll need to lean over and say:
"Use the forks, Luke."
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From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
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