Notts red
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« Reply #360 on: Friday, October 7, 2011, 22:16:47 » |
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A bloke was sitting on a bus next to a stunning blonde who was breast feeding her baby. The baby won't take it so the woman says " right if you don't take it I'll have to give it to this nice man sat next to us " after 10 mins trying the woman again says " look if your not going to take it I will give it to the man next to us , still the baby don't take it. Another 5 mins of trying and the woman says " if your not going to take it I'm going to let this man next to us have it " with that the bloke has had enough and says " look lady can you hurry up and make your mind up I was supposed to of got off this bus 10 stops ago "
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Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
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Posts: 28545
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« Reply #361 on: Friday, October 14, 2011, 14:03:39 » |
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After a night of debauchery, a man notices that he has green lumps on his nob,
He goes to the doctors who tells him that he has a serious issue. 'You've heard of wrestlers that get Cauliflower ears?' the doctor asks.
'yes' the man replies looking worried.
'Well' replies the doctor 'You've got brothel sprouts!'
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we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
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« Reply #362 on: Friday, October 21, 2011, 10:38:35 » |
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I can't believe Titus Bramble has been arrested for raping a disabled woman.
Well the police haven't said she was disabled but if she couldn't outrun Bramble she must have been pretty fucking slow.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Victor Mildew
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Posts: 176
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« Reply #363 on: Friday, October 21, 2011, 14:13:33 » |
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what do smoking cigarettes and licking pussy have in common?
The flavour gets stronger as you get closer to the butt!
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
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« Reply #364 on: Friday, October 21, 2011, 14:20:29 » |
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Men think about sex about every 6 breasts.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Saxondale
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Posts: 6390
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« Reply #365 on: Friday, November 11, 2011, 14:21:22 » |
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Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: A Chinese telephone.
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Never knowingly overstated.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59383
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« Reply #366 on: Friday, November 11, 2011, 14:40:21 » |
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What do Mac Users use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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König
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Posts: 403
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« Reply #367 on: Thursday, November 24, 2011, 17:03:42 » |
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Went to Germany for the weekend and went in to a bar, i asked for dry martini and the bastards brought me out three.....
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donkey
Cheers!
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Posts: 7037
He headed a football.
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« Reply #368 on: Thursday, November 24, 2011, 17:38:53 » |
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Went to Germany for the weekend and went in to a bar, i asked for dry martini and the bastards brought me out three.....
All that beer in Germany and you drink Martini...jeez! |
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donkey tells the truth
I headed the ball. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaawwwwwww |
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DMR
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« Reply #369 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 09:17:00 » |
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All that beer in Germany and you drink Martini...jeez!
Good grief |
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Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
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Posts: 28545
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« Reply #370 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 09:39:40 » |
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This morning somebody wrote 'mong' on my window.
Took me ages to lick it off.
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we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
Offline
Posts: 59383
Things can only get better
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« Reply #371 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 09:41:03 » |
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Went to Germany for the weekend and went in to a bar, i asked for dry martini and the bastards brought me out three.....
Thats actually quite good  |
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Red Frog
Not a Dave
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Posts: 9047
Pondlife
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« Reply #372 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 09:45:26 » |
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My three-year-old came to me this morning, whining: "My big brother says I'm a telltale."
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Tout ce que je sais de plus sűr ŕ propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
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RJack
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Posts: 1298
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« Reply #373 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 09:53:45 » |
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Sat here watching Fatima Whitbread having a shower in the Jungle in her ultra skimpy bikini on I'm a Celebrity thinking please please don't get an erection...........but then she did
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Notts red
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Posts: 3146
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« Reply #374 on: Friday, November 25, 2011, 13:05:14 » |
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I saw a poor old lady fall over this morning, well I think she was poor as she only had Ł2.50 in her purse.
I woke up last night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of the bed, at first I was afraid then I was petrified.
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