Mother Brown
 Offline
Posts: 1372
|
 |
« Reply #60 on: Friday, September 15, 2017, 18:30:02 » |
|
Shit and piss at the same time.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Leggett
Offline
Posts: 7860
|
|
« Reply #61 on: Saturday, September 16, 2017, 11:21:22 » |
|
Look like I'm not checking out the lovely ladies when out and about with the other half, even when I'm actually not.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Fuck you Leggett, fuck you.
|
|
|
4D
That was definately my last game, honest
Offline
Posts: 23505
I can't bear it 🙄
|
|
« Reply #62 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 09:10:50 » |
|
Ice skate
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Chubbs
Offline
Posts: 10517
|
|
« Reply #63 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 10:42:44 » |
|
Look like I'm not checking out the lovely ladies when out and about with the other half, even when I'm actually not.
Mate, as men, we can't look anywhere without the other half thinking we are checking someone out. I get it all the time, although most of the time i probably am checking someone out. Holiday in Majorca was an absolute nightmare. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
4D
That was definately my last game, honest
Offline
Posts: 23505
I can't bear it 🙄
|
|
« Reply #64 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 11:06:42 » |
|
I have a mate who would make no effort to disguise his ogling. His missus would just tell him to put his eyes back in  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Quagmire
Offline
Posts: 4907
Arthur Fouler
|
|
« Reply #65 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 12:07:10 » |
|
I just tell my misses it's no different to her window shopping. She's looking at a dress she can't afford and I'm looking at a woman out my league.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Chubbs
Offline
Posts: 10517
|
|
« Reply #66 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 12:09:42 » |
|
I have a mate who would make no effort to disguise his ogling. His missus would just tell him to put his eyes back in When on holiday there was a number of ladies sunbathing topless. A conversation with my wife went something like this Her: I wish my boobs were like that ladies over there Me: Oh right, i hadn't seen them (i had, obviously) Her: Yeah, they're nice and full, but not big, just a nice shape Me: OK, whatever you say *little bit later after a swim in the sea" Me: You don't want her boobs, they're fake. Her: So you been have a good look then have you... hfefioiewfnijyieqhoif etc etc etc |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Audrey
Offline
Posts: 20270
?Absolute Calamity!?
|
|
« Reply #67 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 12:51:43 » |
|
I just tell my misses it's no different to her window shopping. She's looking at a dress she can't afford and I'm looking at a woman out my league.
Except that if you were loaded you'd have women creaming over you - even if you had a face like a twisted couch. See, women are just as shallow as men - but for different reasons. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
McGurk's Missus
Has An Unhealthy Obsession With Bleach
Offline
Posts: 10670
Has A Hardon For McGurk
|
|
« Reply #68 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 12:55:52 » |
|
Except that if you were loaded you'd have women creaming over you - even if you had a face like a twisted couch.
See, women are just as shallow as men - but for different reasons.
Love it, best i'd known before that was "face like a bag of spanners" or "like a bulldog chewing a wasp." Cheers I'll add "...twisted couch." to the list! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
'Incessant Nonsense'
______________________________________________________________
'I'm gonna tell you the secret.
There's a threat, you end it and you don't feel ashamed about enjoying it.
You smell the gunpowder and you see the blood, you know what that means?
It means you're alive. You've won.
You take the heads so that you don't ever forget.'
|
|
|
Jilted John
Offline
Posts: 174
|
|
« Reply #69 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 13:11:05 » |
|
I prefer she has a face like a blind cobblers thumb.
Or a camel eating a lemon.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
We're not really violent people... this is our first gun.
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
Offline
Posts: 64637
Perfection is not attainable
|
|
« Reply #70 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 13:12:58 » |
|
A face like a melted wellie?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
|
|
|
Sir Cliff Pipehard
Offline
Posts: 268
|
|
« Reply #71 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 13:33:16 » |
|
A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Reg Smeeton
Walking Encyclopaedia
Offline
Posts: 34913
|
|
« Reply #72 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 13:46:18 » |
|
When on holiday there was a number of ladies sunbathing topless. A conversation with my wife went something like this
Her: I wish my boobs were like that ladies over there
Me: Oh right, i hadn't seen them (i had, obviously)
Her: Yeah, they're nice and full, but not big, just a nice shape
Me: OK, whatever you say
*little bit later after a swim in the sea"
Me: You don't want her boobs, they're fake.
Her: So you been have a good look then have you... hfefioiewfnijyieqhoif etc etc etc
This is where an interest in ornithology comes in handy.... get excited about being able to turn the binoculars on an oystercatcher, dunlin, redshank etc. and offer them to wife to share your fun, knowing she won't, whilst you really watch the topless women. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
jayohaitchenn
Wielder of the BANHAMMER
Offline
Posts: 12832
|
|
« Reply #73 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 13:53:39 » |
|
You don't have a wife any more do you, Reg?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Reg Smeeton
Walking Encyclopaedia
Offline
Posts: 34913
|
|
« Reply #74 on: Monday, September 18, 2017, 14:02:03 » |
|
You don't have a wife any more do you, Reg?
 Indeed not, it was the ornithology which did for her. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
