Trivial things you don't understand/mildly annoy you

[Honkytonk]

Why don't you ask her out for a drink DMR?

[fatbasher]

And the Europeans wonder why their economies are shot to bits

  Concur.

[Sir Pissalot]

Why don't you ask her out for a drink DMR?

I don't think he does foreplay. 

[DMR]

I think the fact that she is a) engaged and b) fit as fuck conspire against me.

I have relatively regular success operating at the other end of the barrel and this bothers me not one iota.

[kerry red]

And the Europeans wonder why their economies are shot to bits

When I lived in Ireland a friend of mine had a double bypass and got invalidity benefit.

Although he moved back to the UK 6 years ago he STILL gets that benefit from Ireland.

To the tune of £720 per month by the way!!!

[woolster]

posh 1 nil up

[Ardiles]

I think the fact that she is a) engaged and b) fit as fuck conspire against me.

I have relatively regular success operating at the other end of the barrel and this bothers me not one iota.

Post of the week!  Good man.

[Reg Smeeton]

I think the fact that she is a) engaged and b) fit as fuck conspire against me.

I have relatively regular success operating at the other end of the barrel and this bothers me not one iota.

Although, the engaged bit, is enough reason to steer clear, the being fit bit shouldn't put you off.

Challenge yourself...there's something to be said for pulling a hottie, and the life experiences which follow

[kerry red]

Faint heart never fucked a pig

[Red Frog]

posh 1 nil up

2 

[donkey]

1063 pages in and it's only just occurred to me to post this...Tranmere's finest...

 We’re just receiving reports of an incident at a farm in Sussex where a number of people have been arrested in connection with “Annoying The Nation”.

It is believed that that the owner of the farm, a Mr. Hibbert, has been co-operating with Police and government officials in a plot codenamed Operation Less Pricks, and kindly granted permission for the use of his seventeenth century tithe barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested. Although not confirmed, we are led to understand that those already charged include:

Bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop;

Taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door;

People who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter, not stopping to think that it is people who drop litter, not the council;

A room full of drama teachers listening to Björk;

Grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target;

An assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don’t know how to use them;

A musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article titled “Microphone of the Month”;

A woman who described herself as “A little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex And The City” and chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. Bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred or Archie, with all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations, unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbot.

Also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly;

An amateur thug in camouflage trousers whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate;

A man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music;

Lisa Riley;

Continuity announcers introducing comedy shows;

A pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves;

A group of football fans referred to as Commodores, as in once, twice, three times a season, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at Cup Finals;

An artist who said his next album would be more “song-based”;

A man who informs people that he gets up at six am every morning and seemed to want a medal;

People who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it;

Journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh;

An organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks;

And a council worker who dropped litter.

We’ll bring you more details as they emerge…

[donkey]

Whilst I'm on...and to hell with the fact this is probably in the wrong thread...


JOHN COOPER CLARKE

Twat Lyrics

Like a Night Club in the morning, you're the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you're clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow's
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You're certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

You're like a dose of scabies,
I've got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I'd consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You've got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you're no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive's face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You're heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can't find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.

[donkey]

One for the don't understand part of the thread..why does water screw up electrical devices?

[Samdy Gray]

Water is a brilliant conductor, due to the configuration of electrons.

[donkey]

Water is a brilliant conductor, due to the configuration of electrons.

Cheers.  So that's why it conducts electricity even though it has not metal elements in it.  Always wondered about that.