the official joke thread

[Mexicano Rojo]

ok lets keep all jokes in here, no comments just jokes, if we add one a day imagine how funny we will be amongst our peers, cccrraaazzzzzyyyyy. heres one i have told before but my fav to get the ball rolling....

how much does a cockney pay for shampoo?




Pan ten

[Bogus Dave]

A blonde and a brunnete are walking down the road. The brunnette exclaims "oh look, a dead pigeon". The blonde looks up and says "where".

boom boom

[Bogus Dave]

Whats pink, stiff and makes women scream?

















Cot Death

[Mexicano Rojo]

a irishman goes for a job at a blacksmiths, the blacksmith asks himif he has ever shoed a horse , "no" he says "but i have told a donkey to fuck off"

[STFC4LIFE]

Lewis Hamilton has gone into hiding after the racist abuse in Spain. A spokesman for McLaren said he will come down from the tree when he's hungry.

[BANGKOK RED]

A bloke walks into the butchers, he says to the butcher:

Where's your assistant?
Butcher: I had to sack him.
Bloke: You had to sack him? Why?
Butcher: Because he was sticking his dick in the Bacon slicer.
Bloke: You what?
Butcher: He was sticking his dick in the Bacon slicer.
Bloke: Shit, so wher's the Bacon slicer?
Butcher: I sacked her as well.

BOOM BOOM

[Arriba]

brunnette a ginge and a blonde in dabate.

"i'm off to the maldives next week" says the brunette,boyfriends paying.
"oohhh" says the ginge "i'm off to the thailand with my hubby".
blonde says "well i'm off to the sun so i think i win"

"how can you go to the sun you will fry before you get near it"say the other two.

"its ok i'm going at night" says the blonde

[sonic youth]

why do communists only drink herbal tea?

because proper tea is theft.

[STFCBIKER]

Paddy and Murphy go to a sperm bank in London....

The day turns into a disaster for them as Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.

[Arriba]

Two married friends are out drinking.

One says to the other: "I can never sneak into the house after I've been drinking. I've tried everything. I turn the headlights off before I go up the drive. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off and creep upstairs. I get undressed in the bathroom. I do everything, but then my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out late."

His friend replies: "Do what I do. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife's bottom and say, "How about a blow job?" She always pretends she's asleep."

[strooood]

man goes into a doctor, doctor says "sir, im afraid the outlook isn't great... you've got aids and you've got alzheimers".

man replies "well atleast i haven't got aids".

[Arriba]

how can you tell when george bush is lying?


his lips move

[BANGKOK RED]

how can you tell when george bush is lying?


his lips move

Get your coat.

[Arriba]

paddy,murphy and quinny in the local having a chat.

paddy says "this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At macdougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and macdougal himself will buy your third drink!"

 murphy then says" where I come from, there's a better one called o'reillys. At o'reillys, you buy a drink, then o'reilly buys you a drink. You buy another drink,o'reilly buys you another drink."

then quinny pops up " where I come from, there's this place called o'gradys. at o'gradys, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"that sounds fantastic! say paddy and murphy.did that actually happen to you?" "no," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"

[Arriba]

what do you call an essex girl with 2 braincells?


pregnant!!