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Lumps
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« Reply #165 on: Thursday, February 10, 2011, 21:32:55 » |
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OI! What fucking day is this?
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A Gent Orange
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« Reply #166 on: Thursday, February 10, 2011, 22:52:25 » |
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Oh come on. No one reads this forum in the evening. Now there is something there for anyone who has an early start on Friday.
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Bewster
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Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
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« Reply #167 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 08:59:10 » |
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A priest is checking into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled."
And she replies "no, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard"
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« Last Edit: Friday, February 11, 2011, 09:04:40 by Bewster »
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tans
You spin me right round baby right round
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Posts: 25050
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« Reply #168 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 09:00:57 » |
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I can't wait till Elton John's kid discovers porn and realises sucking a cock isn't breastfeeding!!!
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Samdy Gray
Dirty sneaky traitor weasel
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Posts: 27137
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« Reply #169 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 11:22:03 » |
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An elderly couple are sat eating breakfast when the wife turns to the husband and says "You know, my nipples feel hotter now than they did when I was 18!".
The husband replies "That's because one's in your tea and the other's in your porridge".
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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« Reply #170 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 11:54:28 » |
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I was in my local shopping centre when some woman with a clipboard came up to me and said...
Im conducting a survey.......... Could I ask you....... What grooming aids do you use ?
Quick as a flash I answered......... A packet of Haribos and a Glee video
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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« Reply #171 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 12:08:57 » |
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One more from me
Al qaeda TV
Al qaeda's planned Television Guide (For when they take over)
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion fail to repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on america's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the american prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: Koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
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Doctor Bamber
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« Reply #172 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 13:51:59 » |
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As Blackpool were recently fined £25,000 by the FA for fielding a weak team in one fixture earlier this season, it has been reported in the Adver today that Andrew Fitton has sent a cheque for £450,000 in to the Football League as part payment for the whole season
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Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
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Posts: 28545
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« Reply #173 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 14:30:03 » |
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I bought a 2 litre bottle of tipp-ex the other day.
BIG mistake.
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we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
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steptoe41
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Posts: 487
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« Reply #174 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 16:01:46 » |
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I took a dyslexic bird home last night.
She ended up cooking my sock.
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Saxondale
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« Reply #175 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 16:14:16 » |
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Doctor Im addicted to Twitter!
Sorry, I dont follow you.
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Never knowingly overstated.
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Saxondale
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« Reply #176 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 16:32:03 » |
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Glass coffins. Will they ever catch on ?
Remains to be seen
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Never knowingly overstated.
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Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
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« Reply #177 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 16:48:07 » |
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an englishman, an irishman, a scotsman, a welshman, a german, a finn, a pole, a hungarian, a latvian, an australian, an american, a ugandan, a zimbabwean, a japanese, a russian and a spaniard all go to a nightclub.
bouncer stops them at the door and says, "sorry, i can't let you in without a Thai"
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we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
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jutty274
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Posts: 1863
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« Reply #178 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 17:18:17 » |
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An Native american indian, a paki and a cowboy sat around a camp fire when the Indian says" There was once many of my kind now there are few" the Paki said" There once few of my kind now there are many". The cowboy takes a deep puff on his ciggerette and says" That's because we haven't started playing Cowboy's and Paki's yet".
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leefer
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« Reply #179 on: Friday, February 11, 2011, 20:01:21 » |
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an englishman, an irishman, a scotsman, a welshman, a german, a finn, a pole, a hungarian, a latvian, an australian, an american, a ugandan, a zimbabwean, a japanese, a russian and a spaniard all go to a nightclub.
bouncer stops them at the door and says, "sorry, i can't let you in without a Thai"
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