Chubbs
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« Reply #390 on: Friday, December 9, 2011, 15:27:56 » |
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I has a shit sleep last night,
Its a bit like a wet dream.....but, you know.....
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Ginginho
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« Reply #391 on: Saturday, December 10, 2011, 08:06:25 » |
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Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
(That's two clean fucking jokes you've had off me now)
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #392 on: Saturday, December 10, 2011, 11:06:45 » |
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Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
(That's two clean fucking jokes you've had off me now)
Fuck off back to playschool give us some filthy jokes  |
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #393 on: Saturday, December 10, 2011, 11:09:47 » |
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Took my dog 2 the park, played Frisbee with him – Waste of time - I think I need a flatter dog.
Theres a clean one from me too Ginginho, see what you have made me lower to?!
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Ginginho
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« Reply #394 on: Saturday, December 10, 2011, 13:04:38 » |
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My favourite joke ever (I've probably posted it before, but fuck it)
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train.
When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits.
(I think it's a joke from the great Tim Vine)
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marvinTPA
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« Reply #395 on: Friday, December 16, 2011, 23:56:32 » |
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My favourite joke ever (I've probably posted it before, but fuck it)
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train.
When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits.
(I think it's a joke from the great Tim Vine)
ahh the great tim vine who was once asked not to mention any deoderants and replied sure , mums the word , brilliant could quote forever but probably best just watch him |
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Baggins
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« Reply #396 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 11:22:58 » |
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Beware of alphabet grenades. If one explodes, it could spell disaster.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #397 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 11:50:16 » |
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Beware of alphabet grenades. If one explodes, it could spell disaster.
Another Tim Vine classic. |
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #398 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 11:51:14 » |
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More Vinisms....
I’ve got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing – serves him right.
I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: “What does surrender mean?” I said: “I give up!”
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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magicroundaboutred
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« Reply #399 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 12:27:38 » |
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Led in bed last night and was starring at the misses, said to her you know you remind me of the lottery. She said what i look like a million pounds, i said no i wish you would just fucking roll over.
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Chubbs
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« Reply #400 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 12:35:11 » |
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Was at my works Christmas party last night and the DJ played the twist, so i twisted,
Then he played jump, so i jumped, Finaly he played come on Eileen.....
I was asked to leave.
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Chubbs
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« Reply #401 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 12:37:54 » |
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House party- always one left over in the morning! Lying on the floor behind the sofa,
Fucking legless, cant start! Asked him where he lived, so i dragged him up, pulled
him down the path to the car, fucking legs all over the place. Chucked him in the car and took him home.
Dragged him up to his house, Knocked on the door! Brought your son home form the party!
His mum replies "Did you bring his wheelchair?"
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walrus
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« Reply #402 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 12:42:41 » |
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So, Kim Jong-Il is dead. I guess that's the end of his Korea.
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SuggWillSugg MBE
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« Reply #403 on: Tuesday, December 20, 2011, 18:43:33 » |
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Kim Jong is a little more "Dead" than "Il" now isn't he.
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Boner
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« Reply #404 on: Friday, December 23, 2011, 13:34:37 » |
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I hear that they are going to hold a wake for Kim Jung-il. The buffet really will be the dog's bollocks!
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A couple have been married for years. One day, the wife says to her husband, "look, why don't you get down the chemist and get some of them tablets so you can get an erection."
So he does. And comes back and gives her a jar of diet pills.
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.
I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
Chap with no arms and legs waiting at a bus stop.
Bloke says to him;
"How're you getting on?"
Marks and Spencers new advert states that it wouldn't be Christmas without M & S. They're right, it would be Chrita.
Been offered eight legs of venison for Christmas for £150. Do you think thats two deer?
"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
LAST ONE:
All the engines on a plane fail.
The pilot comes out and asks, "does anyone here believe in the power of prayer?"
A vicar steps forward and says, "yes, I do."
"Great," says the pilot, "because we're a parachute short."
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