Thetownend.com

" i always want to feel like i am the last person to go to sleep in the world " 

yeah, good luck with that!

im going to bed now . The quote is  from Frank Worthington .

Edit: From George Best's book

"Somewhere, nearby, an asylum is always missing a patient"

Oscar wilde ?

Shaw Rosso

"True friends stab you in the front"

That one is Oscar Wilde  :)

You have been humiliated and have run out of logical argument, and are reduced to slinging insults, poor show.

[url width=282 height=303]http://nomadiknation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/downward-arrow.jpg[/url]

'I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.'

'An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'

'I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.'

'Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.'

-Mitch Hedberg

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

Frank Sinatra.

When the seagulls follow a trawler it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea

Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity

-Bricktop

A village is missing its idiot

Anon

'When seagulls follow the trawler...'

do you fre-quent tesco in swindon ;)

Faint heart never fucked a pig

One day I will manage to move my trolley on the bloody thing

The first Premier of the People's Republic of China Zhou Enlai was asked,What is the historical significance of the French Revolution?

His reply was,"It's too soon to tell!"

Oscar Wilde

"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance"

"Women are made to be loved not understood".

"Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes".

'We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be detested in France.'

Sir Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington and former PM.

my local escalator literally collapsed a few weeks ago rendering it completely unusable and therefore broken.  so there...

Am I the only one to think that really, he hasn't ?

“The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.”   Socrates

The Michael Jordan one about failure is a good one

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take - Wayne gretsky

Michael Scott

If at first you don't succeed hide any evidence that you tried - Homer Simpson

This one?


Bizarrely, that was one I wanted to mention, especially as it was in a book I'm reading and saw it but an hour ago.

One of my favourites:

That's the kiddy

"the more I practice the luckier I get"

Jack Nicklaus or Lee Trevino, or some other golfer of that era

Don't worry, they couldn't hit a barn door from th................................................

Gary Player

Oddly enough, I find myself in agreement.

You can send me off every week, we will win this league anyway.

Paolo Di Canio 2012

I am fascist, not racist. I do the Roman (fascist) salute to greet our supporters and those who share my ideas. This gesture is in no way an incitement to violence and even less about racial hatred.

HE QUOTE'S WHAT HE WANTS.....

edit:......... Paolo di canio he quotes what he wants

 DONT GO DI CANIO

A personal favourite, rather than a genuinly good quote:

"We came, we saw, we kicked their (its) ass"

This slightly missquoted line (with correction) genuinely caused me and a mate about a decade of trying to work out which Vietnam film we heard it in..

It was from sodding Ghostbusters.

Living life on the edge...

Best put-down ever -

Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill:

"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."

Churchill:

"Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

John Lennon when asked if he thought Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the world...

"He's not even the best drummer in The Beatles!"

'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'

Tesco

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars - the rest I just squandered."

George Best

"Earlier on today apparently a woman rang the BBC and said she had heard that there was a hurricane on the way. Well if you are watching, don't worry, there isn't."

Michael Fish 1987

Buying a football club is like buying a house

-Bob Holt

"Yo baby, ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?"

"A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man."

But Michael Fish was right!

And I've no idea where this one's from, but I like it (applied to the USA): The Christian Right is neither.

Has everybody missed game winning shit?

Just when you think you've made something idiot proof, God comes along and invents a better idiot...

I didn't say I blame you, I just said it was all your fault...

At first I was like... ??? But then I was... :toocool:

You, you little cunt, when I tell you to do something, and you, you fucking big cunt, when I tell you to do something, do it. And if you come back at me, we'll have a fucking right sort-out in here. All right? And you can pair up if you like, and you can fucking pick someone else to help you, and you can bring your fucking dinner. 'Cos by the time I've finished with you, you'll fucking need it."

John Sitton

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUNRzlf37x4

Now listeners I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay.
He's married so he wishes to remain anonymous I shall only be using his christian name.
I am talking to 'Domingo' in Little Oakley.

Dont want to be a pedant but it twernt BrickTop, Bullet Tooth Tony maybe?

Some oldies:


"We're all endowed with certain God-given talents. Mine happens to be punching people in the head" - Sugar Ray Leonard


"I have never found, in a long experience of politics, that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance" - Harold Macmillan


"If work was a good thing, the rich would have it all and not let you do it" - Elmore Leonard


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought" - John F. Kennedy


"These are my principles.  If you don't like them I have others" - Groucho Marx


"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work " - Thomas Edison


And one of my favourites:


Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Australian Cricket crowd to Phil Tufnell....Hey Tufnell..Lend us your Brain, we want to build an idiot.

Right you are

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQKUXDB27Dg

These are brilliant.

Best team talk ever -


FACT! 8)

I love a good Vince Lombardi quote, two of my favourites are these:

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence."

"Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."

That there is no knowing, in the sense of written reasons, whether the soul lives on or not, I am fully aware. I do not hope or fear. At least while I am living I have enjoyed the idea of immortality, and the idea of my own soul. If then, after death, I am resolved without exception into earth, air, and water, and the spirit goes out like a flame, still shall I have had the glory of that thought.

Richard Jefferies

Where were the Germans...but, frankly, who cares ?

Barry Davies commentating on the '88 Olympic Hockey Final, as GB scores their third against Germany.

On a similar theme, cricket this time

Mark Waugh to England Test debutant James Ormond: "F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England."
 
James Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family".

on the cricket theme...

"mind the windows tino"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xG9T0zNsQqw

Just googled cricket sledges due to your post above and came across this one that made me chuckle:

Rod Marsh vs. Ian Botham

Botham and Marsh were both great characters of the game who could be expected to provide a few fireworks. However, when Beefy marched to the crease during an Ashes clash, Marsh greeted him with the question: “How’s your wife and my kids?” Never one to miss an opportunity, Botham piped up: “The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded.”

Some other good ones here (http://thecointoss.blog.com/2012/05/25/mind-the-windows-tino-crickets-top-10-sledges/).

"Do you take anything seriously?"

"Erm, ecstacy and weed?"

Danny Dyer, Severance  :D

Keith Chegwin, on his experience as a recovering alcoholic:

"Cheggers can't be boozers".

What would you be if you weren't a footballer?
“A virgin”

P. Crouch.

The fucking fucker's fucking fucked  -Viz Magazine.

Jimi Hendrix, on being asked by a journalist, 'what's it like to be the best guitarist in the world', replied:

'I dunno - better ask Rory Gallagher'

A cheese may disappoint, it may be dull, it may be naive, it may be over-sophisticated.
Yet it remains cheese, milk's leap toward immortality.

Clifton Fadiman, 1904-1999. American essayist.

Can't be bothered reading the whole thread, so this gem from Gazza may have been done already -

When asked how he thought a game would go "I don't make predictions, and I never will"

“If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up because that cunt’s a cunt.”

- Malcolm Tucker, "Tucker's Law"

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

 - Ralph Waldo Emerson

They can send me to the stands every game I don't care we will win the league anyway.

Related is Marv Levy who used to send his Buffalo Bills out each week saying 'Where else would you rather be, than right here, right now!'  The Bills were good when he said that...not sure it'd work for Bufallo now!

 on Friday, January 25, 2013, 00:19:29

[On Garth Crooks] "as if an alien conciousness had been put in a Midlands man's body and asked to analyse a sport it doesn't fully understand but has observed and nonetheless formed strong opinions about."

― BruceChatwin

"There are two types are of people - there's us and  there's wankers "

Perry (from Kevin and Perry)

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
Steven Tyler

It's fucked! Some fucking fuckers been and fucking fucked it!

Loadsamoney circa 89

Bugger I was hoping to quote that one.

However, on a similar vein. My brother was in the Harvester one night early on in it's hay days in the 80's, he was worse for wear TBH but not leery or violent (just setting the scene). He asked politely for a pint, one of the barmaids, (now they for some reason and i don't know why did not see eye to eye) said to him "you're drunk" he replied "and you're ugly, in the morning i'll be sober but you'll still be ugly!" you could hear a pin drop for a few seconds. she huffed and walked off someone else served him.

Try to be best, because you're only a man and a man's got to learn to take it. Try to believe, though the going gets rough, that you've got to hang tough to make it. History repeats itself; try and you'll succeed. Never doubt that you're the one and you can have your dreams. You're the best around, nothing's going to ever keep you down. You're the best around, nothing's going to ever keep you down. You're the best around, nothing's going to ever keep you dooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwn.

- Joe Esposito

Thanks for that. Still prefer Churchill's version.

'There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots' Frank Spencer circa 1975

Another one of Frank's: 'A trouble shared is a trouble doubled'.

Reminds me of an old one my dad used to come out with: "A friend in need is a bloody nuisance".

Or from my old dad bless him when he saw one of my mates 'Only puffs and pirates wear ear rings and I can't see any ship in the drive'

"I would rather have a bottle in front of me .  than a frontal labotomy"
Anon

I'd rather a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.  Tom Waites

You can tell how fucked up America is at the moment when the best golfer is black and the best rapper is white. Snoop Dog or some other rapper circa 2000

Heaven: the most exclusive club in the universe and the trickiest bastard on the door.  

Work, the curse of the Drinking Class.    The gay Irish Bloke

My favourite:

Don't be so fucking pedantic.
Stop being so fucking wrong then.....    My brother

Am I missing a whoosh here? As I hate to discredit your brother, or your story, however the '"you're drunk"... "and you're ugly, in the morning i'll be sober but you'll still be ugly!"' quote has been attributed to Sir Winston Churchill in an exchange with Bessie Braddock, a politician at the time.

Work is the curse if the drinking classes

-Oscar Wilde

I drink to make other people more interesting

-Ernest Hemingway

I wouldnt want to belong to a club that would accept me as a member. Groucho Marx

A friend with weed is better

A friend with breasts and all the rest,

"Lisa - Just because we don't care doesn't mean we don't understand."

Homer.

Aden Flint, Twitter

 :clap:

:clap:

Fucking hell Leefer, great minds and all that...spooky!

Thought i had posted twice.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men : Charles de gualle

A friend who's dressed in leather.

(Love that song, especially the Les Rhythmes Digitales mix).

'99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd' HMHB

“I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.”

 Greek proverb

Friend of Churchills wife to Churchill "If you were my my husband I would poison you!".

Churchill "if you were my wife I would take it!"

 Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
—Oscar Wilde

"Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality."
---Clifton Fadiman

Ladies and Gentlemen. Close the thread we have a winner ,

"making the best  out of the little i have "  quoted to me by some man selling scarves , which i now use in his honour ,

I once cut a scarf in half. Rhymes.

One Pac or ?

Tupac.

When two tribes go to war
A point is all you can score

holly johnson
 

"Tell me - why are we, so blind to see,
that the one we hurt, are you and me"

Coolio.

To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism.

relax

holly johnson

muhammed ali? or simon cowell ?

kiss kiss  :girlgiggle: Holly valance

To indulge in personal attacks, pick quarrels, vent personal spite or seek revenge instead of entering into an argument and struggling against incorrect views for the sake of unity or progress or getting the work done properly. This is a fifth type.

Gandhi?

1. Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

To let things drift if they do not affect one personally; to say as little as possible while knowing perfectly well what is wrong, to be worldly wise and play safe and seek only to avoid blame. This is a third type.

Rolf Harris ?

It is not sufficient that I suceed - all others must fail.

To indulge in irresponsible criticism in private instead of actively putting forward one's suggestions to the organization. To say nothing to people to their faces but to gossip behind their backs, or to say nothing at a meeting but to gossip afterwards. To show no regard at all for the principles of collective life but to follow one's own inclination. This is a second type.

“I am the punishment of God...If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”

 To see someone harming the interests of the masses and yet not feel indignant, or dissuade or stop him or reason with him, but to allow him to continue. This is an eighth type.

“The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.”

 Not to obey orders but to give pride of place to one's own opinions. To demand special consideration from the organization but to reject its discipline. This is a fourth type.

Death solves all problems - no man, no problem.

To work half-heartedly without a definite plan or direction; to work perfunctorily and muddle along--"So long as one remains a monk, one goes on tolling the bell." This is a ninth type.

I trust no one, not even myself.
History shows that there are no invincible armies.

To regard oneself as having rendered great service to the revolution, to pride oneself on being a veteran, to disdain minor assignments while being quite unequal to major tasks, to be slipshod in work and slack in study. This is a tenth type.

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future

 To be among the masses and fail to conduct propaganda and agitation or speak at meetings or conduct investigations and inquiries among them, and instead to be indifferent to them and show no concern for their well-being, forgetting that one is a Communist and behaving as if one were an ordinary non-Communist. This is a seventh type.

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.

and cheese is still milk's leap towards immorality.

bad milk

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.

To hear incorrect views without rebutting them and even to hear counter-revolutionary remarks without reporting them, but instead to take them calmly as if nothing had happened. This is a sixth type.

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, I was wrong.

Liberalism is a manifestation of opportunism and conflicts fundamentally with Marxism. It is negative and objectively has the effect of helping the enemy; that is why the enemy welcomes its preservation in our midst. Such being its nature, there should be no place for it in the ranks of the revolution.

All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach.

I  can see through the best of propaganda, the rest of it is fact.

If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed

I'm calling you out on that one, it's too clumsy.

im not his biggest fan but A. Hitler was not clumsy

I clumy even a word? No it's not. I meant shit.

If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed

The end may justify the means as long as there is something that justifies the end.

I'm getting too clumsy this late at night,

-fB as he falls down the stairs.

careful

Goebbels, I think.

The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness. Although the two are identical twins, man, as a rule, views the prenatal abyss with more calm than the one he is headed for (at some forty-five hundred heartbeats an hour).

Nabakov, Speak, Memory

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Shakespeare

A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.

Saul Bellow

To hell with reality! I want to die in music, not in reason or in prose. People don't deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them. To hell with them!

Celine

What relation existed between their ages?

16 years before in 1888 when Bloom was of Stephen's present age Stephen was 6. 16 years after in 1920 when Stephen would be of Bloom's present age Bloom would be 54. In 1936 when Bloom would be 70 and Stephen 54 their ages initially in the ratio of 16 to 0 would be as 17 1/2 to 13 1/2, the proportion increasing and the disparity diminishing according as arbitrary future years were added...(redacted here for time)

What events might nullify these calculations?

The cessation of existence of both or either, the inauguration of a new era or calendar, the annihilation of the world and consequent extermination of the human species, inevitable but impredictable.

Joyce, Ulysses

Thread was getting bogged down in politics so thought I'd spam some literary quotes instead. Lord Acton and Celine have my attitude to politics pretty much covered somewhere between

"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely" and

“I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.”

Also, we've had Churchill's put down to Nancy Astor on three separate occasions and his one to Bessie Braddock via different attributations at least twice, so I suppose consensus deems him the winner.

I saw my favourite quote by Ghandi many moons ago and i was amazed at how incredibly powerfull its effect had on me at the time as a young man growing up with a lot of anger and issues.

The Quote was........an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

Simple......i like Ghandi,a remarkable man for his time.

Do you feel blame? Are you mad? Uh, do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble Google. Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XREnvJRkif0

 :D

superb translation

i've just watched that about 5 times and almost wet myself with laughter

Wish I could take credit for the translation.  I did chuckle heartily when I first saw it :D

"There she was just awalking down the street singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do"

Round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel

Batch, 2013

See also Michel Legrand, and Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman, 1968

"Winners don't wait for chances,they take them."

Muhammad Ali " Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them,
a desire, a dream, a vision."

The wonderful John Arlott on West Indian batsmen Clive Lloyd hitting a four.

"A stroke of a man knocking a thistle top with a walking stick"

Sir Isaac Newton stated: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" Everything you do has consequences, Whether for good or bad.

Newton's third law of motion doesn't mean that at all.

Doesn't stop it being hijacked by aphoristic self-help authors and repackaged as somehow meaningful for easy consumption by the general public.

I read something the other day on the lines of

Water to an African tribesman is not what water is to an Inuit fisherman. Something along those lines (it was worded slightly better)

It's hard to find the moral high ground when were all standing in the mud.

"Maybe, for once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a scene'."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel."

"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

"They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes."

Homer

Excellent. Can we turn this into a thread about thermodynamics? That's more my cup of tea.

"The minority is always right." - Henrik Ibsen

Question: What's the difference between thermodynamics and a stick?

Answer: A stick has two ends and no beginning. Thermodynamics has two beginnings (the first and second law) and no end.

This thread is Entropic.......turning into a pile of shite after such a good start

Newton stated "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." Everybody has to understand that sometimes you need outside help to change your direction in life, and there's no shame in realising that.

‘Stuff my mouth with pencils’
 ‘Disco penguins dancing in your dreams’
 ‘William Hague, Banjo Man’
‘Give me a massage with Marmite’.

Jess Thom - tourettes 'biscuit' lady