Thetownend.com

Going out with a young lady tomorrow for lunch. First date in a while so ......

Any advice?

Do's/Dont's .....

Bit bored, can't sleep so thought I would put it out there to the good folk of the TEF!!

Ta

Am I reading this right?
You have come on the TEF, and asked for dating advice?

DO talk about your favourite cheese

Don't bank on a shag.

Fingers in the till would a result at this stage.

It seemed a good idea a few minutes ago ...

That was the line that got me this lunch date ...

*Sits back, grabs popcorn*

This should be good.

At the end of your meal, tell her your skint and ask if there is any chance she could pay the bill.

Clear yourself out pre-date, dump, wank, etc

Did that with the last date ..... She didn't appreciate it ...

DON'T show her your cock unless she asks to see it, I won't make that mistake again

To save wasting time and money listen to this advice and learn the words.. You won't go wrong!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b65Zf6r-RE

Depends on many things...

Preparation and planning.

You have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that order. Simple things like opening the door for her, pulling her chair out at the restaurant and remembering to push it back when she sits down!

Pay her compliments but don't go overboard you'll sound desperate. Do you know her? If not do you know someone who does? Find out a bit about her before hand. Don't mention any ex's.

Usual idiot proof stuff. First impressions you only get one chance to make a first impression. Generally the first twenty seconds is/are crucial. Dribbling at the table along with farting and picking your nose are big no no's.

If in doubt watch the Fosters Ads when the guys are in the beech hut.

Any more and I'll charge you a consultancy fee.

Tell her you have a 12" tongue and you can breathe through your ears.

It's in the bag

Strange how us men act on a first date... To my mind just be yourself.  If she doesn't like you as you are now she certainly won't like you in 6 months time when all the special things you did on that first date have worn off and she starts citing the "you've changed" line.

First date with my Mrs was a drunken binge session and woke up in the morning each not knowing who the other was... 20 years later still together and not once have I heard the line "you've changed'

If all goes well & she wants another date, best tell her you cannot do Sunday or any Saturdays because STFC is more important than a lady

They LOVE to hear this

I'm with MacPhlea

All this pulling out the chair stuff is out-dated and false IMO. Do you expect any relationship to continue like that forever?

Just  be yourself.

Au contraire....birds love that sort of shit. Nevertheless it shouldn't be overdone. Besides farting and picking your nose, belching and nether region scratching are to be avoided.

What's the point of being yourself, if you're a slobby cunt, much better to put on an act.

You never know, letting out a fart on a first date to quell that awkward silence may be a good ice breaker. If she laughs, you've got a keeper.

Indeed you never know...she might have a fart smelling fetish  :)

Some interesting ideas there.  I should have asked people to say if they were single/married etc to see which was more likely to work.

I'm married and my missus farts more than I do.
On the flip side, one of her mates has never farted in front of her fella apparently and they're getting married later this year. Maybe she's saving it for the Wedding night.

"Hey honey, have I got a treat for you! Pull my finger".

Have you decided where you are taking her?

Maybe he should have a lighter to hand, touchee  :blowup:

Did exactly the same, it also included a visit to a dodgy soho shop ( although i've never been in one since) 20 years next week!

9 years Friday for me.

Too skint to go out Friday AND go to the pub Sunday, so I've invited the misses to come and watch football with the lads.  ;D

*ooh

Just checked and my anniversary is next Friday. No wonder I got a strange look from the wife.

Take some chloroform and some rope

Thats a personal question and would be a result on a first date

Don't take her to a tedious bloody football match.

First date with the wife was away at Palace in the Zenith Data Systems Cup (remember that?) in 1990.
What a tedious game that was. We lost 1-0 , she wanted to leave the game early, and wouldn't even come to the pub afterwards.

I persevered, her enthusiasm picked up, and three months later she flew back from New York on the morning of the Sunderland game, just to come to Wembley.

https://whyweprotest.net/asset-proxy/63815dc75272abe4aa7bd4c9ec5c7588a1d95636/687474703a2f2f696d6731372e696d616765736861636b2e75732f696d6731372f3330332f726f6879706e6f6c312e6a7067/http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/303/rohypnol1.jpg

Lunch at some restuarant in Oxfordshire.

first mistake

The only way is up from there haha

Which restaurant?

You could crack some jokes to make her feel at ease. Avoid blonde and fat jokes on your first date.

You might want to take your own cutlery.

I'll say later ......

especially if she is fat & blonde

This

on a seperate issue - which site did you get your avatar from?

Or why not take theirs as a souvenir?

If it's Le Manoir aux Quatre Saisons, you don't need any other advice.

Make sure to take a lock of your hair to give her and give her a necklace made from you toe nails.

Brilliant thread!  I'd suggest the following:

- Don't expect her to pay for anything
- Compliment her on her appearance
- Ask questions about her, her job, family etc. ie show interest
- Don't try and feed her her food trying to be romantic as its just awkward!

we used to do this - but with salt & pepper shakers.
Started when she put a salt shaker in my coat pocket in a posh place in Bristol. Since extended to France, Argentina & of course Germany

Or crack one off to make her feel uncomfortable....

just be yourself, no point putting up a false front as if you pull it off she will soon see your true colours.

Make sure you "go large" with the meal, treat her.

For God's sake DO NOT pull it off!!!

And let her choose which dips to have

Dips as in more than one dip?

Steady on.

double dip is a big no no

Unless you wipe in between.

All of this without having to leave the comfort of your car :)

Constantly - and I mean constantly - stare at her breasts.  Especially when she is talking.  If she asks you to stop, make sure you refer to them as "ace tits".

If you haven't had a date for ages you're probably not that desirable to birds anyway so chances are this one is a bit desperate. Accordingly just don't do anything stupid and you'll be up to your nuts in guts by tea time.

haha, charming

Also squeeze one and ask if its real

Start flirting with other women that may be in the restaurant - ladies love a bit of competition

If she fucks on first date then its best to double bag and not fall in love with her

Ask her straight out if she likes bum fun - and tell her how much you love it.  Women love it when you are honest and straight talking.

shit

If a bloke looks in your direction ask him "what are you looking at?"  in your most agressive manner then pick up the knife from the table and make a stabbing motion, women love men who make them feel safe

Well he's not back on the TEF yet. Is that a good sign?

It's great to get an insight into the workings of guy's minds! This explains some of the dates i've been on recently!!

I think you ought to treat the date like a job interview, you being the interviewer of course. Bring out a list of questions, example "So, what qualities do you think you could bring to a relationship?" etc.

Wear a suit.

No matter where you're going, wear a suit.


Suits are cool.

Please tell me you are Dawn Porter, the lady who does those slightly dull but oh so watchable documentaries.  If you are, I'd like to touch you.

ALWAYS wear rippable trousers

Haha! Sorry to disappoint but i'm not, wouldn't mind being her though!

So Baggins could touch you...?

Not on the first date  :eek:  Totally realised after i'd posted that how it looked, that'll teach me to re-read before posting!!

Just googled Dawn Porter..... I would

Baggins has bagged himself a gem there.

I think Dawn Porter was the woman who did those heinous 'So ladies lets talk about moist toilet tissue...........all I want is a nation of clean bums' adverts so no, definitely not.  I would however tie her to a chair and torture her to teach her never to do adverts like that again.

If thats not Dawn Porter, then I take it all back and probably would.

Nope, that's Dawn Porter. I love her a little bit, even considering those ads.

Maybe that's why Baggins likes Dawn Porter.....clean bums and all that!!!

me too

love her a little bit that is

 There used to be a posh bit of bird some years ago called Nyree Dawn Porter....probably best remembered for the Forsythe Saga, which I never watched.  However she did the Gerry Anderson attempt at getting away from puppets, called The Protectors...which also starred Man From Uncle and Magnificent 7...Robert Vaughan. Gerry should have stuck to SuperMarionation

I would as well.

[url width=304 height=350]http://i.digiguide.tv/up/0802/1203022800000-636659-DawnGetsNaked-1202317238421.jpg[/url]

I also found out she is married to Chris O'Dowd from the IT Crowd. :no:

Priceless. :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

I took a bird for lunch on Sunday, at some gastro pub in Oxford.....not exactly a date, but convinced her beforehand, to come and look at the art in The Ashmolean....particularly the Impressionist stuff. Birds like that sort of thing...

Very difficult to keep my eyes off the young Eastern European waitress in a short skirt mind..

Who painted that one then Reg?

She'd have looked alright as Toulouse-Lautrec style can-can drinker at the Moulin Rouge..

 ;D

You love your Eastern Europeans don't you. ;) What did you make of Bilyana off of The Apprentice last night?

I was at that game, it was bloody wet and miserable and I hate Selhurst Park for that reason alone.

Dawn Porter is filth

Hello Everyone I'm Back ....

Went to the Blue Boar in Witney.  Not to bad really.  Food decent and not massively pricey.

Now this place looks the business.  However, do they do the menu in English? :hmmm:

Wee.

Did you get to hang out the back of this bird then?

It's OK you need only to know how to order the afters:
"voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir"

As someone put it earlier I got to put my 'fingers in the till'.

Going out in the smoke saturday night so should get the cash register ringing pre wembley .... Even if the town dont score I will!!!

 Don't watch it...but looking on google, she's got proper Bulgarian eyes...presumably you like?

Nice one.

A result for the TEF dating advice service

giz a sniff

Indeedy.

You were back from a date and fondle before 8pm - that's a little worrying, are you 14?

She's gotta get ready for school in the morning.

Cheeky git.  Infact I am on the train to Manchester for work so had to make it snappy!

Haha! most nights in Witney used to end with keeping it snappy!!!

Anyway enjoy Manchester - it was sunny there today, but its no Witney

So was fittons_coaching_badge the one Town fan who had a good weekend in London, or did you miss your one-on-one?

Haha ....

It was great until about 8am on Sunday ..... Then it sunk quicker than the titanic after it hit that fucking iceberg!

You should have tried viagra.

BUMP ..............

Thanks to the dating advice of the Town End, I seem to have entered relationship status ....  :clap:

At least until ....

1) I find someone better
2) She does or
3) My money runs out

Thanks to all who offered there wise words of wisdom ..... I recommend those going on a date in the near future or whenever really read this thread and digest .... Some of the advice given on here cannot be brought!

Amended for you.

Looks like I'll be back on the dating circuit.

Great.

Cheers Ardiles .... Funnily enough thus far I have forgot to mention the techniques used so far has been taken from a football forum.

we have our next victim

Is this "fake chow"

I'll tell you now number 3 is the most likely to happen :-)

Don't be so downbeat!

Dating is great fun!  Almost to the point where being single is the preferred option!  :D

It's not that, more the fact that it shouldn't have come to this.

How did it start? With a kiss?

Do you want a hug and too tell me about it?

in the back row of the classroom ?