Thetownend.com

I intend to declare my relgion as Swindon Town.

I like the fact you have to complete it on March 27th, I thought i'd rebel against authority so i completed it last night.

Me too. I might go spend the 27th at my parents just to be a rebel.

once a jedi,always a jedi.

Oooh a census.

Me living here must really skew the results.

That'll learn them!

Does it get sent to your house? I haven't seen anything about it yet.

mine came yesterday

I will wait with baited breath then.

Got mine yesterday too.

This.  :D

Oooh, bugger, so did we. Well the missus did. Does that mean we're going to jail?

I like the census :)

But what about the cenus?

considering the huge cost,is it really necesary or justifiable?
look at the cuts to public services,and job losses.yet money can be found for this.

And don't you have to complete it by law?

I'm amazed it's still neceessary.  The Government already has all the information it can possibly need (together with a lot of other info that it doesn't need) on each of us.  The only positive aspect for me is that, for example, I've been able to locate the house that my great great grandparents were living in in 1891 - and quite like the idea that my descendents will be able to look me up in the 22nd century and beyond.

If i dont fill it in will i die?

Do you get one each or one per house?
I feel like Mary & Joseph :)

I don't understand

Me neither. Perhaps she feels like a virgin carpenter. Or maybe she has a bun in the oven and now has an overwhelming urge to ride a donkey to Bethlehem. Who knows?

Lets bring this back into line.......

How about cheeses of Nazareth?

[url width=499 height=332]http://www.google.co.uk/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://www.sootikin.com/b3ta/Cheeses%2520of%2520Nazareth.jpg&sa=X&ei=lBx2TaHWIM6h4QbxyZCPBw&ved=0CAQQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNHlDI5JaIO88281ZOg2iGGosoZmXw[/url]

BTW what is Paul Harts favourite cheese?

I think it's a reference to Mary & Joseph's enforced journey back to Nazareth as a result of the Roman census.  In Judaea, you had to return to your home town for the census.

They should have DHL'd it. Stupid people.

If if 0.5% of households dont complete it and i imagine that is a conservative estimate, with fines of £1000 a pop that is enough to probably turn a nice profit on the exercise.

There are plenty of bone idle people in this country who will think the fines are just a threat.

Oh right, so JFW only has to travel to Calne by donkey then. Actually I think donkey may be the normal mode of transport down there.


The TV 'experts' were talking about this. They thought it maybe the last one.

the cost of chasing those up,bringing them to court,and the inevitable low fines wont make a profit.
i dont remember reading about cases going to court last time either.

[url width=280 height=200]http://www.farmann.no/arkiv/jarlsberg.jpg[/url]

Thats whey over my head Sonic.

When i hear of Judea i think of this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE)

Obligatory Norway reference

Yea scrap my theory, only 38 people were prosucuted after the last census. If you dont complete the procedure is:  

1. If a questionnaire is not returned, reminders will be sent out to households, and census staff will visit and offer to help householders complete their questionnaire

2. If the householder continues to refuse, information will be forwarded to the census office. A letter will be sent, along with a replacement questionnaire, to enable householders to complete the questionnaire

3. If the householder continues to refuse, census officers will make a final visit. They will offer to help the householder complete the questionnaire

4. If the householder continues to refuse, the case will be referred to solicitors. Prosecutions will take place in magistrates’ courts. Successful prosecutions will result in a fine of up to £1,000 and a criminal record


I quite fancying getting a Census staff member to come round and help me spell my name

That staff would be none other than the biggest arms manufacturer in the world, United States firm Lockheed Martin who are carrying out the Census.

Glad the entire Census data is going to end up in the hands of the US Gov under the Patriot Act.

Can we just all agree that this is a con (Census) ?

Nope, it says by hand

I think he means there's a bye-law ?

Does Jude Law have to complete it by law? Or what about Jude Law's in-laws?

Brings it all back. 2001 census - interviewing the great unhosed of Calne...

I was amazed how many farm animals were masquerading as females (some even attempted to wear make up, some could mutter the odd legible human word).

Happy Days.

Nah, it's by March 27th

Can i actually put swindon town on it?

Yes, but like Jedi as a religion it'll be discounted.

What a complete and utter waste of our valuable time

I don't think anyone who posts on here can legitimately complain about their "valuable time" being wasted :)

I'm going to put no religion.

I worked on the 2001 census...good laugh. They wanted me back, but the numbers of dodgy pickey cunts who I'd prefer to avoid has risen in the last 10 years....just at the time when my powers of self defence, have started to wane. Life's too precious....

Better not be pregnant, I'm not carrying two of you. :toocool:

Think I'll put "Losing my religion"

Just filled mine in.

Why was question 27 left intentionally blank ?

Is this some kind of trick the governement is playing on us ?

I came to my senses and realised the census was senseless. This happens to be the general consensus.

I didn't complete the cenus, I played with my penis.

Can a mod rename this thread please? It's really annoying.

say, just say I threw mine in the bin, will I go to jail ?

 :D

No, the dustbin will

phew

thats absolute genuis!

Don't you mean genus ?

Mine wasn't  blank - I thought it was the most important question of the lot.....

I've just seen this thread and I actually work for Office for National Statistics, who do the census - although I don't work on it or even in the same site. But just to answer one or two of the questions on here - and this isn't in an official answer or owt. Lockheed Martin are handling forms, true but LM uk. It is a seperate company and so the data isn't covered by the Patriot Act.   

Also as far as I remember the missing question is because the Welsh version has a question there and rather than a 26a, it is just called 27 and left blank on the English.

If you want to see some census from Darwin, Dickens, Churchill etc and some terrible old web design that was ten years out of date in even 2001 go to http://www.statistics.gov.uk/census2001/bicentenary/census_hall.html

Oh, forgot to say we are going to use all the information to hunt you all down and feast on your livers. Or something like that.

Mary & Joseph & Cheistmas was something to do with the census right? You lot have made me doubt myself!!?!

Why would you want to call the thread, It's Really Annoying?

You're welcome to my liver but if you feast on it you will die a painful and alcoholic death

Q17

Haha

Sippo you Rick Astley loving cunt.

I don't have one??

A census form, a question 17, a liver or a cunt?

Was 3 from 4, but I've just been downstairs and it turns it the census arrived today!

i'm confused...what part of the laws of this country say we must fill out this piece of shit?

 :sherlock: Do you know why that version would have an extra question?

People in Wales will have an extra question about the Welsh language.

Is it
a) Pointless
b) Redundant
c) Inferior
d) All of the above.

I guess Billy Shears got this version  :)

If one of these retards knock on your door, insisting that you fill in the census, how are they going to even know who you are? You could be anyone. They need a name to even think about trying to prosecute. Your house could be rented out to anyone....

If you can be arsed to answer the door to the dopey cunts, or you get caught out thinking it was someone you know at the door, ask them if your obliged under law to tell them your name. Whatever they tell you, you are not obliged under any fucking law to give your name to anyone - unless you are suspected of committing a crime, and even that's debatable.

Remember to be polite when telling them to fuck off. Then just shut the door.

Any more letters or forms come through the post, just post them back to wherever they came from marked return to sender.

If they come back, do the same.

If you really want to fuck them up but don't want to risk the pathetic threat of prosecution, fill the form in with whatever you feel you want to put down, then rub a colourless candle gently over the 'OFFICE USE ONLY' sections :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Wow you've really thought about that??!

It doesn't matter who you are, they are just addressed to 'the occupier' because they need one census per household completed.

And you really think the govt. can't find out who you are, by just typing your address into one of thousands of databases? Yeah, good luck with that.

...which is the supreme irony of it all.  Government already has all the info on you that it could possibly need.  They just can't be bothered to ask their jobsworths at the Department of Whatever to pull their fingers out of their arses for 5 minutes and collate it in to a useable format.  Because the unions might get chopsy.

Instead, they get a load of other jobsworths at the Department of Something Else to send paper forms (yes folks...it's 2011) to the whole ####ing country....to ask a raft of pointless (see above) questions that they already know the answers to anyway.

The legal requirement to complete and return a census questionnaire is set out in Section 8 (1) of the Census Act 1920 and by the Census (England and Wales) Order 2009, Census (England) Regulations 2010 and Census (Wales) Regulations 2010.

No one can escape the Census police for long.

Samdy, of course the government or any other company that they regularly sell your name, address and details to, can get anyones name and address from their database. Not sure why you raised that point because I didnt claim any different.

I make no apology for repeating myself here; If the Census officer knocks on your door, how is he/she going to know who you are if you dont tell them?

The whole point of them establishing who you are is obvious. They cant prosecute a fucking house for not completing the form, they need a person to do that. If they dont have a person to contract with, they're fucked.

I'm only scratching the surface here, but, just given the amount of unsolicited sales phone calls we all get nowadays, the intrusion into our privacy with things like personal health records being passed on to insurance companies, the DVLA selling our details on to private clamping/parking companies etc, why would you want to just give a whole fat, hand written dossier about you, your family etc to the government?

Calling me a conspiracy theorist or saying 'If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear', don't count as credible replies, by the way :wink:

Also the law states that they can prosecute you for refusing to fill it in, but not for forgetting to fill in, nor for filling it in inaccurately.

They'll just scan the chip they secretly implanted in your head while you were sleeping, obviously

Doesn't everyone have an RFID chip planted in their head??

Couldn't you just say you sent it?

Must have got lost in the post!

nail hit

Well of course, otherwise it wouldn't work would it?

That is the reason for the tin foil hats.

Always wonderd why my old man used to wear one of them. Now I know.

How do you know that?

Is it because they told you so?

Doesn't make sense

Why would a clamping company need/want to purchase details from the DVLA (or anybody).

What would the do with the information?

The DVLA are well known for flogging details to the highest bidder.

Or even for £2.50 a pop...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1581662/DVLA-made-9-million-selling-drivers-details.html

I can well believe that.

But what can a clamping company possibly do with that information?

Ok Seen the linkage

That's a tad dodgy

Send fines.

Keep up, BR;-)

I don't live in Wales - perilously close though, one wrong turn and...

You all sound like stupid amercain hicks! The big scary goverment is out to gets us.

Grow up.

The goverment doesn't care about individuals it does things in the scale of millions. Accept the fact you are a number and nothing more. Noone is out to get you.

First time I've ever agreed with GFM. Weird.

For those who are concerned, but not just plain paranoid, this might be worth reading.
http://www.ons.gov.uk/census/2011-census/2011-census-project/census-data-security-measures

It's a pin in the arse to complete a form from which you get nothing.

I don't know if that's a typo or a pun.

Who is Noone, and why is he out to get me?

Great just what the Townend needs another smart arse spelling nazi. Fuck off you cunt I can't spell get over it.

yep spelling and grammar nazis are fucking gay

i'm not going to fill it in to see what happens.

My mistake. I thought you'd come up with the ID of some dude from the government called Noon, who's out to get me if I dont fill in the census form.

No offence intended, ya big fat cunt.

I'm not a number, I'm a free man

Fucking nosey govt bastards.

I wrote questions all over mine.

 I also hope they like the cartoons on every page of stick men and women engaging in various positions.

Im going to jail arent i?


:D

No...it will just record a pervert was living at your address.

Never mind

Going to finish it off now, what a load of old tosh

I'm just an individual so my failure to comply shouldn't matter

Oh, and I think the American militia are great  :beers:

Just done mine online... took no more than 2 minutes. Don't see how anyone has any complaints, just seems like moaning for the sake of it.

Careful Lucien, first they came for the nignogs, and I was too afraid to act, then they came for the chinks, and I was too afraid to act, then they came for the bed wetting liberals, and I was too afraid to say anything, then they came for our dogs, and I didn't utter a howl of protest, then they came for my budgie...........

Think that was Gandhi, though I para-phrase a touch

Well done i think that's enough for a ban then.

Don, it was in jest, get a life!!! You fail to see through the veil, jeeez, you can take a horse.....

I can't be bothered anymore. It just makes things worse.

How many more people is this guy going to piss off though

 ::) Gosh I under-estimated my impact, pull yourself together man.

I'd probably let the ironic racism slide as a misjudgement, but as you pointed out in AYGS, he had that other account too. Although I found him amusing to start with it's getting a bit old now. Also he just posted a football thing in the non-footy section.

Bye Shady/Lothar/whatever your other account was you signed up with to gang up on Fred that time. It's been fun

keep digging Son

Just filled mine in. I had a Q17 on my form. It asked whether I wanted a window or an aisle seat on the secret emergency evacuation spaceship in the event of an asteroid hitting earth. I ticked window.

Must be on a different list to the rest of you?

Your probably right in my case, just looks worse than it actually is

I'm filling mine in tomorrow. Screw you establishment.

:)

I went for an aisle seat... Bloody sun gets a bit strong up there in space.

True, but you're only going to get one chance to see the world blow up. I'd hate to be leaning over someone trying to get a good view.

I am going to fill mine out tonight after a day on the Blackthorn  :-[

How would I describe my national identity?

1. At length
2. Primary in reference to how that identity is undermined by the presence of those of other identities
3. On an internet forum.
4. Jeremy Clarkson
5. French
6. Jedi

That should cover everyone I think

I put Rasta Mouse.

I do like "at length" though.

or maybe "with words and pictures"

Or "Under a moonless sky"

"through interpretative dance" won't fit.

I received one a few years back and couldn't be fooked to fill it out then every few weeks they sent me another which i didn't fill out after receiving three i never got another and never got in trouble as the letter threatens.

who am i having to stay over, nosy cunts

I filled it out just so I could tick the 49+ working hours a week. My workplace is not unionised and I dont think my company or the government apprieciate how many unpaid hours management of small businesses put in to make them profitable.

In the end I went with (as my facebook clique will have already seen)

[url width=800 height=600]http://i.imgur.com/Au1sc.jpg[/url]

Thanks for the inspiration iffy.

Fuck me we put a man on the moon nearly fifty years ago,surely a more foolproof and inexpensive way of doing a national census should be available today.

Make us do it on the moon?

We haven't been back in my lifetime, we're obviously going down hill.

Complete waste of £200 million quid.

Isn't it beautiful that in 100 years time a young child will look its father in his eyes and say 'Was great grandaddy Ben always a bit of a cock?'. And your grandson will have to say 'Yes, but at least he didn't put Jedi'.

I did think that one of my descendants in 100 years time could have a bit of a giggle

i filled it it out as i can't be arsed with the aggro if i dont.
i stuck with my jedi beliefs but have now become a jedi master,rather than the jedi knight i once was.

I say that FB but I just recreated the 1901 Census on today's form and just added 110 to the age of each of the six people who used to live here.

That's brilliant. I'd decided "an accident of circumstance" is probably the best description of national identity, but just a little too long.

That's the best answer. Just put it in anyway.

Just filled in mine, disappointed myself by not answering anything with a silly answer (was tempted to put my religion down as Islam just to help upset the Daily Star).

I did get a massive ego trip in giving my job title as "Chief Administrative Officer" though. That'll look well good in 100 years time...

One of my flatmates is nursing a fairly epic hangover and wrestling with the question about your general state of health.

Doesn''t he play for Brighton

Couldn't come up with anything as creative as Ben.

Religion: Swindon Town
Occupation: Software Engineer
What did you do: Engineer Software.

And by being jobless I get to answer fewer questions. yay me.

Lots of rumours that the census data has been hacked, no evidence that it's true yet

http://thenextweb.com/industry/2011/06/21/lulzsec-supposedly-claims-its-biggest-coup-yet-the-entire-uk-2011-census/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheNextWeb+%28The+Next+Web+All+Stories%29

Haha, I begrudgingly filled it in with lies anyway.

ditto

must send mine off!