Thetownend.com

Be my baby.

What's a good name for a fictional Daily Mail columnist lady? One that fits the stereotype of staying at home, rich husband, biggest worries are Asians moving in next door and Gypsies turning up on the fields near her country home, probably old enough to have grown up children meaning that she can complain about the youth of today without including her darlings who are at university somewhere doing nonsense, isn't racist because she has a black friend (of a friend). Description sounds slightly posh for the right demographic but you get what I'm looking for.

Well you're all bloody useless. What you been doing blah blah blah then?

Lady Powell


I don't know, i've just ran out of humour juice tonight  :(

I'm watching family guy, and finishing my last can of bud. I think the shops still open should i want some more, but i have no money and daren't go out for fear of being merked.

Weak Dave. Go get some more alcohol even if you need to borrow money to do it.

I can't :(



I have failed you. I am sorry

most commenters on mail stories online are from alicante with british names, try something double-barrelled for size.

Julia Smith-Stiles

Pamela Nigger-Basher

I always end up going the double barrelled route so was trying to do something different. I like the Lady Powell idea, think I'll go for something like Diana Powell. Doesn't sound overly offensive but gets the job done.

Your failure hurts me more than you can know Dave.

You back in England now then Youth? Going to Fred's tomorrow?

Lucille Ramsdon

:(

I'm going to bleed over the sink

Diana as a first name would win great affection with the Mail's readership I'm sure!

Fucking amateur.

I went out with the family for a Chinese - Oriental Aroma in Wootton Bassett. Any "all you can eat" buffet is a winner in my book. When somebody else is paying, it's even better!

Slash Slash

Bleed Bleed

She sort of already exists though.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mandrake/5296665/Lady-Powell-says-Rest-in-Peace-Gordon-Brown.html

Real harmers savour the bitter taste of their pain release.

[url width=460 height=288]http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01399/CarlaPowell_1399285c.jpg[/url]

Interesting fact: She only has a top row of teeth, which are used to tear the flesh of her pray. She has no need for a bottom row as her highly acidic saliva removes the need for chewing.

Today I have been mostly trying to teach Charlie not to eat his own shit, when in fact the food in his bowl would actually taste much better............................probably

EDIT :


Oh and trying to get a shag off of various loose women on the t'internet

Fred. Bit of true fact shit here.  If you want him to stop eating his own shit start including a bit of Pineapple juice with his food.  As soon as it has had time to go through him eventually he will stop doing it and it will wean (spelling) him off it in the future!  It works, I Have done it with one of my dogs!

I know Pineapple juice doesn't sound nice with a bit of Pedigree chum or dry dog food but put it with it anyway, trust me he will eat it, but for some godforsaken reason it works!

Sounds like something from my week.


Any luck? I've got an interesting tale to tell about such things, but I'll leave it for tomorrow in person.

Nah

They are all pretending to be 32 when quite obviously they are the thin edge of 50.

Bet they are all fucking psycho's too

WTF is all this t'internet dating all about, perhaps I should include a picture of Charlie, birds lurrrrveee puppy's right ?

Possibly, but then you've got to think that the sort of bird who's swung on dating issues by pictures of a dog might also be the sort of bird who's likely to bring a lot of unnecessary drama with her.

Just found started looking for some for you and complied as below.

First names of:

Veronica, Melinda, Victoria, Penelope, Elizabeth, Mariette, Deborah, Anne, Johanna, Jennifer, Sophie, Fiona, Beatrice, Holly, Poppy, Celia, ...

Surnames of:

Dorchester, Winchester, Mayfield, Franklin, Hartley, Robinson, Green, Beaumont, Heart, Batchelor, Bennington, Wheeler, Stockton, Pembroke, Hawthorne, Coventry, Wetherby, Davenport, Atherton, Oxford, Cavanagh, Caversham, Barrington, Hartlington...

I then found this list...

http://www.parliament.uk/mpslordsandoffices/mps_and_lords/alphabetical_list_of_members.cfm

EDIT: This reply now seems completely off topic! :)

I'll deal with that after mate !

Get this................................

This one just winked at me "on line"

States she is 48 but my Mum looks older !!!!

I would give her one, but she lives in Kidlington so not a fucking chance !

[url width=360 height=270]http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n70/FredElliot_2006/548037.jpg[/url]

I've found out through facebook my mate is shagging a 17 year old. Nice.

Although I did text him regarding this, something along the lines of 'I didn't realise you were shagging jailbait'. Alas, he did not reply.

Fancy hooking up with Sylvia from Kidlington Si ?


She is only 48 and considers herself "slim" dont you know !

Nice.

I've got more name combinations for fictional Daily Mail columnists than I'll ever hopefully need.

sorry Barry you have fucking lost me

it would be quality if your mate was 14

17's alright as long as your mate is under 30 I reckon.

I will try that Berni !

Fred, my old dear's just got herself a couple of pups and changing food solved it for us. Oh and always getting a fresh bowl of food out within an hour or so of them consuming their last bowl. Young dogs apparently will only eat if they need it, so she litterally constanty feeds them and they just eat when they feel like it, but it stopped the crying and stopped the shit eating.

http://www.paw-rescue.org/PAW/PETTIPS/DogTip_PoopEating.php

like I said..........14

I know a few fit 17 year olds.


Phwaorarar

I could put out the puppy food mountain of the EU and charlie would eat it in one sitting, ala Life of Brian

numbers please


tell them I have a puppy, who licks for England

I'm feeling pretty battered after 2 cans of strongbow and half a bottle of wine. Something is wrong.

First post Fred. ;)

Shame on you !

doh !

I'm going to go to bed soon

I don't like the real world :(

23. I just wanted to wind him up a bit.

I would congratulate him

I ended up not doing the fictional daily mail columnist in the end. It's too easy and been done a thousand times.

http://dawnofthejed.com/2009/08/21/balamory-brilliant-social-experiment-or-reality-tv-gone-wrong/

Not exactly the same idea that I started on, I lost direction a bit and it took me about 5times longer than I was expecting. I just like watching Balamory and pretending it's a reality tv show involving sectioned psychos and children thrown together on an island.

Probably lots of spelling / gramatical errors too, should have probably reread it tomorrow morning before posting. Ah well it's done now.

I'd just like to say, the bird who lives opposite me is only just 17 and I would do anything to get inside her :)

forum couples are the way forward... i suggest you find somewhere with lots of women, i.e. not the TEF

I watched the phanton menace and fell asleep at 6pm!!!

Just got showered and put my glad rags on because I am soon going out with the intention of drinking to excess.

Why?

Because I can.

HUZZAH.

SO is it Friday night where you are?

I can never get my head round that sort of thing???

Well not quite Friday night yet.

It's 4.30 ish here but I am on an early start tonight.

wow its like seeing the future!!!

I'm well confused, still trying to recover from Thursday night, and it's now Friday night  ???

Yeah, perhaps he can tell us the lottery numbers tomorrow night so we can go out and buy the winning ticket.

My early start has been delayed by some numpty coming to unblock the drains.

Booo.

Blocked drains are a bummer...you take stuff like effluent exiting the house as a given, until it doesn't..

The ownership and responsibilty thing is a fucking minefield.

Really?  ???

Not THAT sort of thing 4D.

Plenty of Blackthorn and KOL on BBC3. Sorted.

Don't be crude axs.....you know what I meant (didn't you?) I was surprised that JFW didn't understand the concept of global time differences  :doh:......surprised may be the wrong word  :)

 Tut tut. Spot the girl who aint got CityTime as an app on her iPhone.

Just discovered that I have an unidentified drinking injury from last night.

It must have been there all day but I have only just noticed, it is actually quite painful now that I know it is there.

Ouch.