Thetownend.com

I'm not talking about staying power and carrying on when you are past the no-return level, I'm asking when do you know you've had to much to drink, women are much better at this and know when to stop, boys never do, so what is your point from going from the laugh of the party to the tit that everyone wants to avoid,

Why do I ask this question? I've been accused by my lovely wife of being a waste of breath .... now they never understand do they ......  :iloveyou:
wheres my roast darling???

When you realise that your talking utter shite,

When you think that you look fantastic but the mirror tells you a different story,

Pissed on your shoes,

People start walking away from you,

One blink of the eyes takes 4 seconds,

You start to agree to do everything that people suggest,

You cant stop staring at womens breasts,

You go for a tactical puke to fit in more beer,

You cant hold anymore beer so you go on to the shorts

Im sure i could go on but you get the picture.

I find I've had too much when I pass out.

Well my mates 40th last night .. he got so pissed he stumbled to the bar toilets .. threw up in the corridor twice before he got there .. threw up three more times on the toilet floor which he promptly slipped in and ended up rolling over in ...

It wasnt fun getting him into the taxi and back home!

When you come round wandering the back streets of old town with no idea where your clothes are.

when u end up with a ugly girl

 I do this when I'm sober.

Nah, that only happens to you.

luckily i dont drink anymore

When you go for a piss and your jeans get soaked-as they are right now!

When you're out with the lads and everyone starts getting a bit touchy feely/kissy, that's always a sign you're well on your way.

Also trying to be all matey with doormen/bar staff but actually you're talking slurred rubbish.

When I'm sick on my shoes

When u wake up on coate water diving board with a allen n harris for sale sign.

When you agree to buy a house with a bird you met on an internet football forum.

Wehn yuo cnat wirte prpoer no teh fourm.

When that sentence makes pefect grammatical sense.

Please please please tell me that you, or someone you know has done this. Please let it be true.

Oh how i wish it was me.

My tell tale sign is when I begin offering to buy drinks for people.

I dont seem able to get to the point of no return anymore,my homing beacon switches on way before that these days

When you wake up and the fire brigade are cutting you out of a tree after you've innocently walked home thruogh Lawn Woods, stopped for a waz and fallen into the tree and got your arm lodged in it so as you can't move.

I'm going back a few years, but throwing up in my bed and deciding that the best course of action is scooping up the puke in my hands and throwing it down the toilet. Unfortunately I lost my balance in the hallway and fell into my parents room and lobbed the spew all up their wall.

puking then eating your puke.

When you wake up with scratches all over your arms, with no memory of why.

(Only to be told by your mates later that they dared you to climb up an electrical pylon, past the barbed wire in the middle, and you did)

When you wake up with a cut hand and no memory of why.

(Only to be told later that you headbutted your mate, punched your boss, got kicked out of your works Christmas do and punched a glass door, smashing it in the process, as you were kicked out)

I would like to add that both of these incidents happened years ago. 99% of the time now I'm a responsible drinker and usually when I get drunk I fall asleep.

When its chucking down with rain, its cold, you only have a t-shirt on and you think you're strong and hard enough to walk home from Old town to priory vale which is probably a good 7 miles!!

When you insist that you are 'man enough' to eat a Chicken Phal, and tell the waiter to fuck-off after he offers you some yoghurt to cool it down when he see's you struggling.

Oh, and finishing it of course.

I got sent to bed after I typed that yesterday and didn't wake up until 11.30pm - I explained last night I was just very tired ....

I think she believes me!!! 8) :nod:

Coming home, pissing on the sofa and then telling your g/f she is a fucking whore when she tells you to stop. Falling asleep in bed whilst your g/f cleans up said piss. Then waking up in the morning without remmbering any of it and wondering why g/f is pissed of with you.

Is that true Chalkie?

I had a flatmate who was a keen cyclist and he went for a Sunday morning 6am ride absolutely shit faced.  24 hours later he was found with his wedged in a tree on a mountain  road and had to be cut out by the fire brigade.

I know I'm in trouble when turboshandies sound like a good idea.  That or closing an eye to read anything.

Yes, its true and I had my nudger hanging out all the time as I couldn't reach it to tuck it away.  Also pissed all down my suit when I fell. I was lucky when they cut me from the tree their cutting equipment didn't slip. It made a nice sight for all the pissheads walking late through the Woods. It was about 20 years ago and made the local radio - "we've heard of the fire brigade rescuing cats from a tree, now we've got a bloke stuck in one."
I will add that it was my arm stuck in a tree, I was not trying to roger said tree, althuogh at that time it probabhly would have been the best offer I'd have had for a while.
After that I was nicknames splinter for a while. 

when i start chatting up older women :(

when I start chatting up 18 year old boys!  :-[

Another one for me would be chasing a bunch of chavs down the road with a kitchen knife and trying to knock your sister's mate off a 5ft wall. Your friends then locking you in a garage to sleep it off only for you to break out and puke up in the fish pond in the back garden at which point your sister calls your mum to come and pick you up and you end up in A&E being treated for alcohol poisoning. All at the age of 14. Brilliant.

When you wake up in Birmingham International Airport departures lounge.

when I start ringing my mates up, or just stand at the bar and start singing irish songs.  A clear sign I'm pissed.

How much was that taxi again?!  :)

When you piss in a sink or on a doorstep instead of using the toilet which was probably not in use anyway.

I just thought of another one:

Wagering oral sex on a bet about who does the voice of characters in animated television programmes...and losing.

Oh dear oh dear!

Ha Ha I wagered a bet on a similar nature of someone shooting a basketball into the hoop from the other side of the sports hall when I wasnt even drunk - and lost!!!

Well? Did you go through the the bet?

The person who won seems to have forgotten and Im not reminding them!!

I refuse to believe a man has forgotten about winning a bit to recieve oral sex.

umm it was actually a whole podge! I was so sure he would miss!! god damn flukey shot!!

 
Maybe JFW's got a reputation of being really rubbish at blow jobs.

yep - just all round terrible at everything really

Practise makes perfect...

Waking up next to a fat czech bird and paying her the remains of your pockets (26p) for the pleasure, then running out the door half naked her chasing you down the street, then shivering at a bus stop for 2 hours waiting for the next bus back.

Top night out that was

waking up naked in bed with a woman whose husband is asleep on the sofa bed across the room. quietly getting dressed sneaking out of the house and not knowing where you are.

Having to ask two old ladies what town youre in and finding out your in Cannock. Fucking Cannock!

that's not so bad - someone puking and then eating someone elses puke

Waking up next to mex

 Is that where Cannock Chase comes from?  Irate husband, after a semi dressed Mex stumbling about with his kecks aroound his ankles.

wouldnt have been much of a chase i was puking all down his garden path.