timmyg
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« on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:11:21 » |
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Slap them down. Why was Santa's Little Helper feeling down? He had low elf esteem.  |
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never trust a nun...
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timmyg
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Posts: 614
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« Reply #1 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:22:57 » |
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Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year. |
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never trust a nun...
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STFC Village
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« Reply #2 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:30:15 » |
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Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
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timmyg
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Posts: 614
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« Reply #3 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:36:17 » |
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never trust a nun...
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DMR
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« Reply #4 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:37:10 » |
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shcoker.
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
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STFC Village
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« Reply #5 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:40:49 » |
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Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental. |
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DMR
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« Reply #6 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:42:47 » |
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Why has Santa got no kids?
Because he only comes down the chimney.
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STFC Village
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« Reply #7 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:43:42 » |
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STFC Village
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« Reply #8 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:45:56 » |
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What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itus! |
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Luci
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Posts: 10862
Fatbury's Stalker
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« Reply #9 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:46:42 » |
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'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"
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timmyg
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Posts: 614
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« Reply #10 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 17:55:14 » |
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Two snowmen are in a hanging out, just chillin', when one turns to the other and sniffs the air. 'What's up Snowy?' the other asks. 'Can you smell carrots?' |
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never trust a nun...
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Nomoreheroes
The Moral Majority
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Posts: 15773
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« Reply #11 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 18:32:38 » |
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Not strictly Christmas, but:
A priest and a rabbi walking down the road see a young boy.
'Lets screw him' said the priest
'Out of what ?' said the rabbi
NMH
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You're my incurable malady. I miss the pleasure of your company.
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Dazzza
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Posts: 8265
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« Reply #12 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 18:42:01 » |
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Why don't the police eat Turkey?
Because they prefer Truncheon Meat.
I think I stole that from the Rivals site but it made me chortle so it needed sharing.
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Nomoreheroes
The Moral Majority
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Posts: 15773
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« Reply #13 on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 18:45:58 » |
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They are not putting up Xmas decorations in Vietnam this year. They are just going to hang Glitter balls !
NMH
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You're my incurable malady. I miss the pleasure of your company.
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Sade
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Posts: 6427
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« Reply #14 on: Thursday, December 22, 2005, 17:19:24 » |
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What do you call a reigndeer with one eye ? No-eye-deer . (must be the shittest christmas joke I have ever heard  ) |
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RED ARMY
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