Freds report on last nightVenue : Bar Kick, Shoreditch (Crack Den, Shite Hole, Prozzies Hang out)
Cast :
STFC : Fred - Swindon
BRFC : Hazel - London
CTFC : Leo - Near Oxford
BCFC : Not that interested so dont recall his name - Norwich
This is going to be hard trying to precis a 3 hour interview, but will give you the salient points.
Turns up at 18.55
Fred : Awright gashead
BR : Awright Swindle
Fred : Where's the rest ?
BR : Cheltnums downstairs
Fred : Shitty ?
BR : Late
Fred : Yeah, I heard they always come last
Everybody turns up eventuallyFred : So where you lot from then ?
BR : Laaaaaandaaaaannn
BC : Norwich my lovely
CT : Near Oxford
Fred :

Fucking Plastics
BC : Not, Im still a Season Ticket holder
Fred : Mug
Interviewer : Shall we go downstairs where it is a little quieter so I can tape
Fred : Whatever !
Question 1So, out of the four of you who are your main rivals ?
Fred : None of these lot really, our main rivals are Oxford, but thats inconsequential now because they are no longer a football league club and they are playing the likes of Salisbury and Histon. "Thanks Jim"
BC : Dont know really but Plymuff and the Taffs hate us
BR : ERRRRRRRRRRMMMM



?
CT : We love everyone and everyone loves us
Question 2How would each of you sum up last season ?
Fred : Typical Swindon really, start ok and full of promise, then get fucked over by the board and Ken Bates, struggle for a while, then make the easiest of jobs hard work and leave things to the last minute.
BR : Unbelievable and unexpected
BC : What can I say - we deserve it
Fred : Fuck off do you !
CT : Grateful to finish in 17th place
Fred :
Question 3So what are your realistic aspirations each of you for next season ?
Fred : There is a lot of optimism on the Townend.com and my mate DV reckons we will challenge for a play off spot, but I am a lot more pragmatic and realistic and I hope that with the squad the manager can pull together with the finances open to him we can consolidate. 17th would see me a happy man. Staying in the division is paramount.
BR : Consolidation definately
BC : Top half realistically
Fred :
CT : 17th would be ace
Question 4So you and Cheltenham see yourselves in a relegation scrap then ?
Fred : No.................Cheltenham are going down (in a Clubber Lang voice)
CT : It will be close, Swindon have not got the financial nous to keep afloat and consolidate in this league.
Fred : :fu:
Qusetion 5 :So who out of the 4 of you would you say is the bigger club ?
Fred : (1st to pipe up) no contest....us of course !
BR : errrrrrrrrrmmmmmm
BC : Its got to be us...................look at the league we are in
Fred : Thats bollocks, you always have thought you are bigger than what you are !
BC : We are a City, Look at our potential fan base !
Fred : Yes, a shitty that shares with annother club, pulls fans from the city for Bristol Rugby and Bath Rugby, you are predominantly a rugby town.
CT : BC are a bigger club because they have a better stadium and are financially viable.
Fred : FFS shut up ! Franchise have got a magnificent new stadium that will host 4000 fans everyother week in league 2, does that make them a bigger club than STFC ?. You are financially viable, but no fucking way are you a bigger club. Its all about history and heritage. That's were you are all wrong, its all about history and heritage. We have been there, done it, won the League Cup, what have you done ? Shitty have to reinvent themselves and ask for certain players to fall on their swords. Your opinion does not wash its face.
Interviewer : Bar break and we will take some shots
Fred : Oh ace ! The camera loves me darling !
PART 2 TO FOLLOW