Freds update part 4 (final part)So after another beer and another game of table footie we wind up like this
Question
So how are the squads looking for this season then ?BR : Nothing much as yet on the transfer front
BC : Its going to be exciting times that’s for sure
CT : Nothing new at all, and we have probably lost our two best players
Fred : soapy tit wank
Fred : We have shipped out some deadwood and I completely agree with the players that have gone, they either did not fit the Sturrock mould or were just basically shit.
Some of the ones that have gone even had contract extension triggers in their original contracts that they could have exercised, but Sturrock basically said “you’ve got no future here Sonny, go and find yourself another club” – Ace !
The signings that we have made appear solid on paper and have all been connected with Sturrock in the past, so as I have said before I will trust his judgement.
Interviewer : Hold on a minute, you cant pay £900k this Friday to keep the club in existence, but you are signing players ?
Fred : Fucking tell me about it !, although without knowing how the deals are constructed it would be wrong of me to comment. BUT get this……………We have booked a pre season tour of fucking Austria !!!!!!!!!!
Interviewer : Shrug
BC : Shrug
CT : Shrug
BR : Shrug
Fred : I think Sturrock likes “The Sound of Music”, in all seriousness though, it’s a fucking disgrace. OK if they announce that new investment has come in to pay the CVA and fund the tour then fair play, but there has been no announcement to that effect.
Quite understandably, the fans are fucked off with it all, and what would you think if you were a creditor of the CVA and you have written off possibly over 70% of the original debt, to hear that the club possibly want to renegotiate the terms of the CVA to give them more time to pay, when they are buying players and off on a jolly to Austria for a week.
If we had our way they would be spending pre season on Salisbury plain in fucking tents.
But this is the way the board treats us, with complete and utter disdain.
Question :
So do you think this will be a yo-yo season for you ?Fred : Don’t talk to me about going up then straight back down, 1994 still hurts
BC : soapy tit wank
BR : soapy tit wank
Fred : FU
Interviewer : Yes tell us about that period
Fred : Of course I will being as I am the only one of us that can talk about the Premiership.
OK, Glenn and John did a sterling job for us guiding us through the playoffs and that day at Wembley will stay with me forever, but even before the champagne had lost its bubbles there was talk that both of them had been approached by MasterBates to take charge at Chelsea.
Sure enough, during the close season Glenn announced that he had accepted the position at CFC.
An emergency board meeting took place and the job of manager was offered to Gorman.
Gorman accepted, and I for one was surprised as him and Glenn were inseparable, a bit like Lou and Andy.
Don’t get me wrong, Gorman is a top bloke but was a number 2, had always been a number two and I think the decision to appoint him was based on sentiment rather than experience. After the financial windfall of getting to the promised land we should have gone for an experienced good 1st div manager.
As it happened we got a really likeable guy, that when the shit was hitting the fan during games did not have the technical experience to motivate and shake things up tactically to scrape draws instead of defeats.
We signed some average players on long contracts and Premiership wages. When we got relegated we still had those players on the books with the exsisting wage structure, and some players thought “fuck me this is ace, I am playing 1st Div football and getting paid Premiership wages. The wage budget and length of contracts meant that
a) we could not ship the wasters out
b) we could not bring in the type of players to get us back up
And that was the start of the downward spiral that see us at the arse end of the FL last season.
I never ever want to fucking go back there again.
Interviewer : Thanks for that, ok one last question…….
Question :
Do you have any favourite songs that you sing to each other at derbies ?BC : Drink up ye Zider
Fred : Fucking Wurzel, that’s even worse than naming a stand after Fred Fucking Wedlock !
CT : Errrrrmmmmm, no not really
Fred (looking at the BR fan) : Do us a favour love……………stop singing “goodnight Irene”, its fucking pathetic and seriously gets on my tits !!
BR: I like it and its heritage and tradition
Fred : No its not …………its fucking shit and means fuck all
Fred : We do have songs that we sing to the opposing fans, but our best ones are aimed at ex players etc.
Interviewer : Such as ?
Fred : Launches into a rendition of
“when I was just a little boy
my granddad bought me a brand new toy
etc”
Insert Tommy Mooney or Sean O’Hanlon and you pretty much got it mate !
Interviwer : Ok that’s a good position to wrap it all up, thanks for coming but before you go could I just take a note of all your real names for the editorial section ?
BC : ****** ************
CT : Leo *********
BR : Hazell *********
Fred : Fred Elliot (which the guy writes down without even blinking) 
I have probably missed out loads, and I will be interested to see which parts actually go to press
