The Shit Jokes for Birdy thread

[walrus]

I'm sorry

What cracks when you fuck it?






A two year old's pelvis  :|

[pumbaa]

Walrus - you sick fuck.

Anyway, to resurrect this thread as I'm sure Birdy needs more material.

Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them.

St. Peter goes to the nuns and says, 'I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin.'

The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. 'I once touched a man's penis with this finger.' St. Peter thought for a while and said, 'I'm sure it was in the line of duty. Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around.' She did as she was instructed and 'PING' she was in.

The second nun went to St. Peter and said, 'I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand.' Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, 'I'm sure it was within your duties. Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in.' The second nun did as she was instructed and 'PING' she was in.

All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd nun. St. Peter was really confused by this. 'How come you cut in front of this Sister?' The 4th nun replied, 'I just wanted to know if I could gargle with that holy water before she soaks her ass in it!'

[pumbaa]

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% Of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will now be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10 - 12' Luxury Tax $300.00      
8 - 10' Pole Tax $250.00
5 - 8' Privilege Tax $150.00
3 - 5' Nuisance Tax $30.00

Males exceeding 12' must file capital gains

Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION

[richiestfc]

why does tigger smell? because he plays with pooh!!  

[Bogus Dave]

 

[Simon Pieman]

A woman standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband
"I look, horrible, fat and ugly...can you please pay me a compliment?"

The husband replies... "Well your eyesight's spot on