Thetownend.com

Right a shit little game to liven the place up. You have to post 4 'facts' about yourself only one of them is a lie. The more obscure and anecdotal the better i.e. I hope not only will we all have literally seconds of joy trying to guess the right (sic) answer but we'll also learn something new about each other. Nerdilicious.

I'll get the ball rolling with a very shit and unexciting example so you get the idea:

a) I'm a dab hand at breaking jayohaitchenn's bathroom door
b) I applied to marry Jodie Marsh but I never even made it to the first round of interviews
c) I can solve a rubik's cube
d) The thumb of my right hand is longer than the left

Now I've got the ball rolling I hope some of you can entertain the masses with things more obscure, interesting and possibly amusing.

a) I've never eaten an apple
b) I am related to Barry Corr
c) My favourite alcoholic beverage is currently "The Jagerbomb"
d) I met Karl pilkington at swindon train station once

I'm calling bullshit on Si solving a Rubik's cube. Not without peeling the stickers off anyway.

A) my great uncle was Barry in last of the summer wine
B) I had an In depth conversation with Tony Adams about fish and compost
C) I appeared on you've been framed punching a kid after he blew out my candles
D) my last girlfriends dad was a multi millionaire

Answer (c) for me too.

Incorrect. It's actually the Jodie Marsh one. TEF veterans may remember I posted the completed 'application' on here but I pussied out and never did it for real.

I reckon Peacocks-Lucky-Coat is probably being related to Barry Corr, but I hope it'll end up being the apple.

a) Fact.
b) Bullshit.
c) Fact.
d) Fact.


My take on this..

a) My full name is Jordan William Anthony Benson Crisp
b) I'm not naturally Ginger
c) My pink jumper has been used as a goal post
d) I once used Jayohaitchenn's lighter after convincing myself he wouldn't mug me off after being afraid to ask him

Answer (D) probably just only a millionaire.

a) I have spent sometime in a winnebago with Kylie Minogue.
b) I have taken a photo of JFW and her mate Zoe from behind.
c) My uncle had an England U21 trial with Glenn Hoddle and was on the books with the slave traders.
d) I perform standup comedy occasionally under the character name 'Chubby Bones'

Crispy, Answer (A) correct but without the William?

a) My grandad is a minor celebrity in Bosnia.
b) I've gone on a night out before and ended up in a different country.
c) I once shat in a baguette.
d) I threw stones at a mafia boss' car.
 

I call D

Bang on.  Mind you when pissed Chubby Bones does occasionally make an appearance, but not on stage.

Answer (C) that's to bad to be true, surely ?

1. My dad was born in Hong Kong.
2. My left testicle is bigger than my right.
3. I set a tree alight and blamed it on a firework.
4. I have been to a Backstreet Boys concert of my own volition.

Answer ( 2) it's the other way round  :)

Thats just from your perspective.  Unless you're behind him.  Ewww.

Mine -

A) I watched Noah And the whale at reading festival whilst stood next to Stuart Pearce
B) I didn't take my first taxi ride until I was 17
C) My Uncle is One of the leading UK experts on the environmental impacts of waste disposal
D) I am a babe magnet

It's the apple ;)

Answer (A) Stuart Pearce is more of a Madness fan?

B is for bullshit  :)

my attempt

a) this one is false
b) this one is true
c) this one is true
d) this one is true

Is it e?

Answer (A) to far fetched.

That one is true. I did stand next to him. It was bizarre.

3 Weeks later I saw him at a wombats gig. Obviously a fan of Indie Filler

Or you.

I'm not sure I can do this, I have stuff all interesting facts.

I announced my retirement from International football after the world Cup. He must not have got the memo

My bullshit is the baguette one.

A) I have never watched family guy
B) I once got away from the Thai police using a jet-ski
C) I once got hammered with Suggs (the madness variety) in a go-go bar
D) I once threw up at a party help by David Howell (the golfer)

A) I studied History at The University of Warwick as a mature student.
B) I joined The French Foreign Legion when I was 19.
C) I never set foot in the UK until I was 7.
D) I am a direct descendant of Sir Walter Raleigh.

a) I was once sick on Sean Bean's nephew
b) I was once mistaken for Paul Merton
c) I was once bought an orange juice and lemonade by a teacher out of sympathy of being banged up for mistaken football hooliganism. 
d) I was sick while on a flying lap in a two seater Minardi F1 car, causing the very expensive helmet I was wearing to be refurbished at a high cost.

The paul merton one

BR : B, though I hope I'm wrong.
Hethab: D

Nope, though I look nothing like him I can see why you'd pick it. It only happened the once and in a photograph so its not a very exciting tale.

B is the truth

Batch: C.

Bang on about mine. I'm actually a descendant of another seafarer: Sir Francis Drake (Yet I still hate drums at football, which is odd).

C is also true. When I was about 15 I went to Villa v Millwall as part of a youth football club day out. I stood on a chair to see what was going on and it broke. That is the end of that part of the story.

I took the next 2 days off skiving to catch up with GCSE coursework. We had a very gullible English/PSE tutor that believed anything you said to her. When asked where I was she was told I'd been arrested as when I picked up said chair I got pounced on by stewards who thought I was going to lob it.

The day I went back to school co-incided with a PSE end of term lunch at a local pub. She paid for my drink with the words "I'll get this, it must be hard for someone who has been inside"..

Spill it then!

Beach party in Pattaya.

Met a Thai friend there who made a 'delivery', he liked to use his Jet ski when he could to avoid the traffic. I was at the party with him, pilled up and in possession when the Old Bill raided the place. They do piss tests for drugs.

Neither of us wanted to hang about so we jumped on his jet ski and were offksi.

a) I'm scared of Bridges
b) My uncle is called Mr Volkswagen Beetle
c) I can't ride a bike
d) I love chocolate spread sandwiches

a) I was apprehended at Limassol airport for trying to leave the country on a fake english passport.
b) I was apprehended at Belfast Airport for smuggling pot.
c) I was apprehended at Wellington airport for smuggling a wooden weapon.
d) I was apprehended at Heathrow airport for smuggling a gun.
e) I was apprehended at Amsterdam airport for smuggling hallucogenics.

I never realised until now that it's probably not a good idea to fly with me.

I reckon a for sutton. C and D sound like part of the same incident, and b and e sound too plausible.

And C for Sippo. No explanation.

Incorrect, and c and d werent related. Thats narrowed it down a bit :)

a) I drove a Police car into the lake in Trowbridge Park
b) I've driven over Semington Bridge at 70mph (Starsky & Hutch Dukes of Hazard stylee)
c) I am an expert at picking locks
d) I was the reason the 'battle of the beanfield' happened

1) I used to be Princess Anne's Paperboy
2) Had a reasonably famous 90s Indy pop star round to my house for dinner several times and got pissed up with him more times than I can remember.
3) Unwittingly smuggled thousands of quids worth of Drugs into Glastonbury.
4) My Dad designed the current Tesco logo.

1) I spent five weeks living in a buddhist temple
2) My dad ran over Timmy Mallet
3) I once shagged the lead singer of a famous bands girlfriend
4) I can speak Mongolian

a) My great uncle is the retired baker from the village where Kate Middleton grew up (and indeed her family still live) and got invited to the Royal Wedding through this means.
b) I skived off college several times and fooled my parents EVERY time with the excuse 'my teacher forgot to sign me in'.
c) I have Indian heritage DESPITE being pale and ginger.
d) James Constable complained directly and personally to my uni about a series of tweets I sent him, to which I recieved a massive 'dressing down'.

Here's mine

1. I regularly drink Cranberry and Vodka even though it's a womens drink
2. I used to play football tennis with James Milner
3. I share the same driving instructer as Si Ferry
4. I once slept with Minka Kelly
5. I once had a drink with Russell Brand

I vote that you can't count  :)

Shit I thought it was five!

Actually, looking back I see Sutton ballsed it up first!

(1) I like gherkins
(2) I once fooled my headmaster into giving someone else a caning :)
(3) I have my name tattooed across my shoulders
(4) In a school football match my best mate broke my leg, whilst he too had a broken wrist.

a) I have slept with a former Miss World
b) I recently had a heart attack
c) I played professional football
d) I spoke to The Queen when walking in The Long Walk, Windsor when I was five

a) My grandfather played for the town
b) My great grandfather has a road named after him in Purton
c) I was once caught wanking in a hotel room by a room maid whilst I was working on room service
d) My wife is related to Elton John

Mine was D, I've never even been in an F1 car.

@MacPhlea - d
china red - 4
Processed Beats -d
mrverve - 3
4D - 3
dell returns - c
Bewster d

I hope you weren't refilling the soap dispenser  ???

By the way, (b)?

I was once arrested in an abandoned factory with an axe and a video camera.
I own at least one shirt from every season since I've been going to Swindon games.
I've sat on Luc Nijholt's knee.
I met Quentin Tarantino at the premiere of Inglorious Basterds.

I was once arrested in an abandoned mental hospital with an axe. It wasn't actually an axe, it was a croquet mallet, but the old bill were insistent it looked like an axe from the chopper.

How do you tell an axe from a chopper?

A) My Ancestors owned a large chunk of Devon now owned by the Duchy of Cornwall
B) I once met Paul McCartney
C) I once had a long conversation with Will Carling about his Aston Martin DB7
D) I was once got my brother into trouble with special branch for making bombs

The Chopper was a bike with the gear stick on the cross bar.

It was on the frame

The crossbar is part of the frame. It was the part that you caught your nads on when you slid off the seat.

incorrect

The cross bar was the bit between the handle bars.

Which was always 10 times worse to crack your nuts on.

Nope, D is unfortunately true.

Oops! Jutty is correct! The bit you mention BR is the handlebar stem.

Sorry looks like both me & Flasheart are wrong as per the diagram below. It is called the toptube.

[url width=850 height=511]http://www.jimlangley.net/wrench/bicycle_parts_labeled.jpg[/url]

[url width=279 height=180]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v490/jamiethon/xbar.jpg[/url]

a) I drove a Police car into the lake in Trowbridge Park
b) I've driven over Semington Bridge at 70mph (Starsky & Hutch Dukes of Hazard stylee)
c) I am an expert at picking locks
d) I was the reason the 'battle of the beanfield' happened


Wrong - I caused the battle of the bean field by dropping the load of gravel in the wrong side of the junction thus causing the travellers to end up in the field in the first place!!!

The raleigh chopper never had one of them.

Everybody has done this & probably half of us done it at some point last week.

Actually, you are both right. I've seen the term crossbar used for both parts (a bit awkward if you are ordering a new part for your bike)

Wrong, me and Ferry have got the same driving instructor!

fuck me I am shit at this game

The 1st one has to be false?  :D

Really?  I have never known anyone do it or perhaps they just dont go around admitting it.  I have been extra carefull since and only let rip in the office if im certain of the outcome will be gas

Wrong!

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Really? shit

MacPhlea's are hilarious. Processed beats, really?!!!!! soapy tit wank.

I hope Abrahammer's A, B & C are true.

Great thread Mr Si. Here goes...

a. Once had a trial with Oxford United and wore a Swindon shirt underneath the Oxford one.
b. Spent the night sleeping rough outside a load of villas on the first night of a holiday because 'Turbo' Robinson never told me which number his Villa was having rented it off him for a week. Woke up next morning in a massive thorn bush, left hand covered in blood (still have a scar on my left wrist).
c. Once bought a pair of trousers off ebay to find out Bertie Brayley was selling them
d. Once texted Danny Invincibile by mistake featuring the words: 'Invincibile's bird is surprisingly rough'

The Minka Kelly one cannot be true!

C is bullshit, its an over exaggerated version of what happened to a pal.

gutted.

c for Juddie. Wasn't Bertie Brayley about 5ft. Or maybe Juddie is a munchkin?

Correct! Although I'm working on it!

Bertie was about 6 foot IIRC.

Which means that for Juddie its d.

Bugger so he is, my memory is shot. But I think he did have an inflatable goal, my memory isn't totally gone is it...

I am not sure on the inflatable goal thing TBH he may well have done, I remember meeting him once and didn't seem to be the brightest sparkler in the box.

89% of facts are bullshit.

http://nonleague.pitchero.com/news/swifts-become-brayleys-latest-stop-5666/

He played for the England learning disabilities team. Not having a pop at him by any means.

I was unaware of that he just seemed a bit...well....vacant.

Jeez that man has had more clubs than there are in our whole division!

No-one knows who I am on this forum, so this will be interesting

1) One New Years Eve, when out in a strange town I lost the group of friends I was with, and, with no idea where I was supposed to be crashing that night, ended up sleeping in the porch of a random house that I quite liked the look of.
2) I've played a gig at the Royal Albert Hall
3) I was once arrested for throwing an apple core onto the pitch during a Swindon game
4) I regularly spend half an hour on the shitter, especially at work

1. My dad ran for parliament
2. My wife's grandfather is a millionaire
3. I waited 8 years before my first car accident
4. I used to be a chef before working for Vodafone

ha, these are brilliant. No idea if any of them are true or not.

Batch was right, it was C for mine.

feel an unloved newbie, no one wants to guess mine  :cry:

You got mine right! I'll guess (1)

4) My Dad designed the current Tesco logo.

get outta town.

How did you square it with Mr Invincibile then.

yep that's the one, although it was a mates Dad that did that.

.

don't think it was a long-term bird. Wasn't good, though!

Here are mine.

A)  i used to date the green cross code man's neice
B)  I once fell over the front row of seats in the townend & knocked myself out & was carried out on a body board by paramedics
C)  My wifes great grand father was Jock Walker the former town player
D)  I once shaved my whole body for charity

Jutty, I'll go with A  because if it were true you'd have used Darth Vadar rather than Green Cross Code man.

Wrong & i used that to help fool you. I did once go out with his neice when i was 17.

You used the force, but the force only works on the weak minded. Oh I see your point.

The last one is untrue I reckon

1 - I once got so drunk I emptied a wheely bin and slept in it for the night.
2 - I was banned from football for a year for pushing a referee after he had sent me off, whilst I was running the line.
3 - I was thrown out of a club in Cardiff for threatening to headbutt Frankie Coccoza, who was in the same club.
4. I once spent an hour talking to ex Bristol Rovers player Lewis Haldane about why Zaaboub wore gloves during the summer.

4 stfc4life

4 happened, on a night out in Trowbridge of all places.

Was he very orange?

Extremely orange.

Its 3, everybody wants to do that.

Correct Batch, it was actually my mate that 3 happened to.

I reckon 2 is true but the ref was pushing his luck letting you run the line after sending you off so probably deserved it?

He sent me off while I was running the line, for foul and abusive lanaguage towards my own team mate.
We were something stupid like 8.0 up, our lad missed a sitter and messing about I called him a useless twat, the ref took offence to that, sent me off and then I pushed him in frustration.

"I pushed him in frustration "  was it a Di Canio style push ? And did he ref make a meal of it or was it a genuine fall !

Haha, it wasn't as bad as Paolos, and the ref definately didn't go down like he had been shot either.
It was something of nothing that ended up costing me £150 as well as the ban.

He's got it.

a. I was once cautioned by the police for pissing against a tree.
b. I used to drive to the coast every week and spend the night standing by a bright light catching moths.
c. My father-in-law is a card-carrying communist.
d. I once wore a balaclava all evening and spoke with an Irish accent when my flatmates girlfriend came round for the first time.

d

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

This is actually true, but I'm not saying yet whether it was me or a mate.

Right here goes:

a) I have recently appeared with Michael Portillo on Great British Railway Journeys
b) A relation of mine wrote the theme music to Neighbours (and Crossraods)
c) I once went fishing with Robbie Mustoe
d) I once walked across the Wearside Bridge balancing on the handrail telling everyone to piss off because I was Spender.

1) i once played golf with gordon strachan
2) pissed over joey beauchamps shoes in a nightclub bog in oxford
3) once got so hammered i fell asleep in a church and drunk the communion wine
4) cleaned jeremy clarksons windows once and he called me a tosser

[url width=306 height=423]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/05/20/article-1388957-0012022000000258-420_306x423.jpg[/url]

No.3

Correct, i did sleep in the church, but couldnt find the wine

1/ Last year I drove between junctions 15 and 16 of the M4 hitting just over 150mph
2/ I once got caught making crop circles by the police
3/ My great Grandad is on Wikipedia and was partly responsible for France surrendering to Ze Germans
4/ I once wired £2500 to someone by Western Union for non-existent goods on eBay

D is bollocks I reckon.

What about the rest of the body?

Gotta be 2. Everyone knows that only aliens can make crop circles.

And me and some mates! Thing is we didn't even know it was the police and shit our pants - I was fucking terrified. They didn't actually believe us when we told them that's what we were doing. They were convinced we were doing something else. Not sure what, but they believed us when we produced pieces of wood and explained my carefully measured and knotted rope.


:)

Surely you must have recognised Sting?

Ha, what did you do?

Knocked over a photo by mistake

Don't most window cleaners stay on the outside of the house?

Inside job as well. 160 quid for 6 hours work.

Kerching!

Have you got him following Town yet?

No this was 9 years ago.

Pity, you could have got a lift to Wembley instead of having to do part of it by bus

Those are the stories I can talk about - there was shitloads of stupid things I got up to... Like woking nights and having a competition with another copper to see who could get to the bumps the quickest and who could jump the furthest of the swing at 2am in the morning in full uniform.... I won the bumps competition but lost the furthest jump because my radio mic got caught in the swings chain and I ended up like a pile of shit on the floor with a busted radio that I then had to pretend was broken whilst arresting a drunk & disorderly

I should write a book...

Am I the only one impressed that Barry makes crop circles?

Am I the only one that spent 2 weeks doing surveillance trying the catch the likes of Barry making crop circles in the late 80's - another story or two around that as well..

Barry Scott is MacPhlea's nemesis

You've gotta love the TEF at times

I made them once upon a time Flash, not anymore. :) We made 2, one while drunk, which we loved, so made another, sober, a few weeks later. We then stayed up for the remainder of the night to view it only to see the farmer arrive with his combine at dawn and harvest just the circle!

We then designed a fucking beaut to do when the cops caught us in the act. (I say the cops caught us, which isn't strictly true. I was being a cock flashing the torch at a passing car, which, as luck would have it we heard reverse quickly back down the road. We shit it and hid while they were looking for us thinking it was the farmer. We then heard the radios and gave up!)


I was too young in the 80s unfortunately. Hunter and prey.

Used to make plenty of crop circles, nothing to do with Aliens, was just a good place to take the birds  ;)