Thetownend.com

This is the base for all internet rumours, they can start here on TEF then we can try and make them get into the real world. If you hear one of the rumours said to you by someone who does not post on here its a moral victory for the TEF.

I will get the ball rolling with the first skeleton rumour which anyone on here is entitled to add meat to its bones....

Gok Wan is a thief.

Adrian Chiles is addicted to the feeling that you get when you puke so hard that sick starts coming out your nose. To recreate the effect he stuffs his mouth with papier-mâché before snorting lines of his own shit until his body takes over with the desired reflex action.

Gordon Brown only has one eye.

Stephen Hawking only got in to physics in the hope he could invent a time machine, travel back to 1944 and seduce Anne Frank.

You lot are shit at this.

ben the rumours have to be realistic, the more believable the better, like the following

Guy Garvey of elbow has been fighting bulimia for years.

I've renounced denim.

That any good?

but that's no fun.

Ant and Dec separated in their professional presenting partnership several years ago, however ITV still own the rights to Dec's appearance and so the man you see on the telly is actually a CGI Dec, this is why you never see them making physical contact with each other.

The real Dec lives in a flat in Gateshead which he's not allowed to leave under his contract agreement with ITV.

The mighty Twill, god of denim, will be angry with you.

Tony Robinson is into beastieality

him and rolf harris are at it together

Yeah, I heard that. Apparently he got caught at The Hastings Sealife Centre having sex with a dolphin.

Martin clunes kicks tramps

god does exist

can they be fact? Jermaine Jenas is gay

The man said believable

Katie Price (Jordan) has a brain tumour and will be dead within 6 months.

Que media worship of her, various pullouts, magazines to follow.

Dean Gaffney spent six months inside for possession.

Martin Keown cannot wink.

Marilyn Manson was in The Wonder Years

Mark Marshall didn't join Bournemouth on loan because he cannot drive.

If possible, can this internet rumour be cross-posted to the Mark Marshall thread please?

For anyone over there to take as gospel.

Bert Reynolds invented Primula cheese spread but got disillusioned when a company director decided to put ham in it.

Remember its only a rumour but Leefer is a complete twat.

Swine flu was created in a laboratory by Roche, the manufacturers of tamiflu.

The queen tried to claim expenses for twenty-eight dwarfs who were used to carry trays of cocaine on their heads at a party at Buckingham Palace last weekend.

Marshall spent six months inside Dean Gaffney

some of these rumours are pure gold, now whatever is written in this thread has to be treated as absolute, psread the word TEF'ers.

Michael Barrymore likes to brutally arse fuck young men then take them swimming.

Noel Edmonds and Howard from the Halifax ads have been secretly trying to adopt a child and have been on the adoption register for over two years.
Apparently Howard was overheard calling Noel "Mum" in preparation for their up and coming parenthood.

Tom Henning Øvrebø is Josep Guardiola's second cousin and was seen partying with Barcelona players before their game against Chelsea.

Floella Benjamin is actually a man

jamie oliver first started out as a dental nurse

I think this might work. I just told a chap in my office that Tony Robinson got caught on camera with his cock up a dolphin at Hastings sealife centre. He was "Really! Fucking 'ell!"

Jade Goody didn't have cancer. She shaved off all her hair and dedicated it to the Euthanasia testing centre in Great Yarmouth before being terminated.

Dale Winton is in secret talks with drinks makers Britvic to be the new face of Tango.

Doctor and the Medics are to reform for a one off gig this summer in the New Forest to help raise funds for nuns with arthritis.

Peter Andre is having an affair with Victoria Beckham.

Is anybody spreading these rumours? My entire office thinks that Tony Robinson has fucked a dolphin.

I'd spread some but I don't have any friends.

The ladies in my team were disheartened to hear Gok Wan is a thief.

This is the most fun I've had at work in ages! The chap next to me is reading The Sun, to see if there's anything in there.

"Fucking hell, I thought it'd be front page. What a wong 'un!"

Hehe!

Robbie Williams has been seeking councilling from an LA psychiatrist after becoming addicted to Sheba cat food.

Delia Smith was born with a penis.

Hedy Lamarr (the Hollywood actress) invented a guidance system for torpedoes in WWII

Russ Abbot is to make a TV comeback starring in a remake of the 2 ronnies with Russel Howard, it's going to be called the 2 russ's

Elvis Presley's suede shoes were actually a dark purple colour, but because of black and white television, nobody knew until 1985, years after his death

chef Gordon Ramsey has exclusively revealed that the secret ingredient in all of his dishes is rice krispies

The News of The World are reportedly lining up a shock move to hire the TEF's very own Bob's Orange as their new chief rumor mongerer.

Sheena Easton has applied for a director of Football role at Manchester City.

Highland cows used to have a mop of hair on their heads that inspired the Tom'o'Shanter.  However, years of breeding has led to this feature no longer being visible.

Snack Van Open..is a Dutch outside catering magnate...he is currently fighting a court case ware a customer found a pair of lips in his homemade hamster jam...said customer was very unhappy when Snack starting singing...when its spring again its spring again two lips from amster jam.

Douglas Hogg, the MP who infamously claimed the cost of cleaning his moat at the tax payers expense, is a Swindon Town fan, and regularly posts on a fan's forum website under the pseudonym of flammableBen.  He also claims his broadband bill on expenses and reads the Daily Mail.

Soloman Olembe, one-time Leeds player, is dead.

Its a well known myth that John Thaw invented morse code. He did in fact invent De-icer

Bergerac's John Nettles' nickname is Stinger, due to his love of the cult classic tv programme 'Stingray'

I'm actually the playwrite and co-star of Independence Day, Mrs. Doubtfire and Mulan, Harvey Fierstein.

Mark Marshall is unique amongst football league players as he only has three toes on each foot.

As a wrighter, I'd expect you to be able to spell playright write :)

The inspiration for Ja Ja Binks came from a very twisted young George Lucas experiment in which he has sex simultaniuosly with a rabbit and a frog. Jabba the Hut's inspiration came from the fat fuck of a science teacher that expelled him after catching him.

As an aside - all cheese is made black and is dyed to be the varying different colours we recognise them as being

Vegetarian sausages are made mostly from the dead flesh of otters.

Deposits of gold have been found along the banks of the River Ray

Every time you use the word "microsoft" (spoken or otherwise) Bill Gates grows another nipple, as documented in his contract with the devil he signed in order to build his vast wealth.

Bill hopes that if things ever go tits-up, so to speak, that he will be a big hit on the freak show circuit.

Red was initially to be known as yellow - and vice-versa - but a mistake by some inbred some time ago meant the O*ford English Dictionary printed their descriptions incorrectly - this mistake lends itself very well to taunting said inbred's 'homies' in a chant derived from a song from a musical...

I spread the word in my local last night about Gok Wan being a thief. Someone asked if he used to be fat, I said it was a fat suit that he used to aid his cleptomania.

Think I got a few :)

Channel 4's Come Dine With Me is scripted and performed by members of the local amateur dramatics society/club.

News Just in:

Britain Doesn't have talent.

In the 1980's margaret thatcher would eat 2 Wham Bars before breakfast

told the cashier in somerfield shoreham-by-sea gok wan was a thief, said he was caught a few years ago in waitrose. word will def spread now.

Matthew McConaughey was born without a belly-button

ravi bopara has only 4 fingers on his left hand

Elephants have big ears..and Noddy wont pay the ransom.

This thread must not die. I have got about 5 people believing that Gok Wan is a thief, hopefully it'll be all round Swindon by August, then finally hit the national press around christmas. :D

I shocked and appalled you shop in somewhere as low brow as Somerfields.

Was going to update Gok's Wiki page with this info but decided against it for fear of Libellous action!

Seventeen years ago an admin error meant that we skipped thursday - we are now one day ahead at all times.

Maurice Malpas wanted to quit after only 4 weeks into the 08/09 season but Fitton held him at gunpoint and made him stay.

a nurse at the sussex renal unit asked me today if i had heard that gok wan had been done for shoplifting. :)

Despite many valiant attempts, Martine McCutcheon has never learnt how to swim.

I posted this on her wiki site a few years ago, it stayed six months, but when I added 'Gavin Peacock is a avid collector of cookoo clocks it was taken down over night and I received a stern e mail, telling me I'd committed cyber vandalism. True story.

haha, thats ace.

Swindon target David Lucas is Matt Lucas identical twin.

The Gok Wan rumour is now being spread around Openwork and Zurich. Apparently some of the older ladies are distraught!

My friend met Gok Wan on Saturday at the opening of that new shopping outlet at Gloucester Quays - she said he is much fatter in real life than he looks on TV! 

That's because he had loads of stolen goods under his clothing.

Thats what I told her!! she said she could never trust those podgy looking gays!

HAHA, spread my pretties. We are going to ruin Gok's life and I, for one, am delighted.

Already working on this on FB!

We should spread it onto one one of his fan groups on facebook...

I can see a massive lawsuit coming......

The case of Gok Wan vs the Town End Forum.

We'll be closed down.

I think you've forgotten that Gary Stanley's uncle is one of the worlds top lawyers. Gok Wan wouldn't stand a chance.

Phew, that's ok then.

I got to be honest, much to my shame i have met Gok Wan in Bath and I can confirm he is a bit of a fatty!

I met Gok Wan and lost my wallet on the same day.

co-incidence? I think not?

Did you notice anything had gone missing around the same time?

plus gok wan and the notorous shoplifter richard madely are secret lovers.

Piers Morgan was either conceived on Blackpool, Brighton, Weston Super Mare or Wigan pier, hence how he was named.

hahahaha thats an ace one.

The X-files was a documentary series

Simon Cowell was born without legs but wears mechanical trousers to function like a healthy human being.

Cowell was put forward for the pioneering treatment when his parents saw a feature on biomechanics in an episode of Tomorrows World and decided to contact the producers of the programme. After almost six years of research and numerous prototypes, Cowell was able to wear the working model from 1973.

Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner who wrote the screenplay for Robocop contacted Cowell for advice in order to accurately portray the movements of the first generation of biomechanical structures. The consultation which Cowell provided to the film made him an estimated $1.2m which he used to significantly upgrade his mechanical trousers to appear more human-like. This has often led to jokes about the waist of his trousers being worn so high because this is now the only indication that Cowell is wearing such a device.

Sideshow bob from the simpsons is based on Andrew Murray.

Ants are big cultivators of cannabis...centipedes,woodlice and slugs being the main buyers.

Steve Gerrad has had the same haircut since he came out of the womb

John Tickle is to marry his long term girlfriend Tess, in August of this year.

Tee hee

rik astley is dead

Gok Wan is to star in the new series of the Real Hustle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gok_Wan

Haha, who was it then?

Occupation: Thief.

ha the wikipedia has a proper heading and everything, im starting to believe it myself.

Someone came into the gym last night and said Craig David had died?????

Aaaaaargh, everyone's dying!

Good.

Bo Selecta!

Boooo its been removed!