jutty274
 Offline
Posts: 1863
|
 |
« Reply #300 on: Friday, July 22, 2011, 19:26:23 » |
|
I was sat in the pub talking to my welsh mate about how many sexual partners we had had and he fell asleep counting his.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
woolster
|
|
« Reply #301 on: Friday, July 22, 2011, 19:47:27 » |
|
two pakistani women were talking in the corner shop when one of them said, i've only been in england six months and i can already speak polish
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
nochee
|
|
« Reply #302 on: Saturday, July 23, 2011, 13:45:07 » |
|
I had a right tasty bird in my motor last night, proper big tits, long legs and fishnet stockings with killer heels blowing me off like she was sucking porridge through a straw. Then all of a sudden she asked me to take her up the shit hole. "Fuck off" I said. "I aint driving to Oxford this time of night"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
marvinTPA
|
|
« Reply #303 on: Friday, July 29, 2011, 20:19:31 » |
|
i saw a bloke moonwalking in the street the other day and he was really good , so i went over to commend him on his silky michael jackson skills. He said " fuck off smart arse , ive got dog-shit on my trainers".
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Benzel
Offline
Posts: 6153
|
|
« Reply #304 on: Friday, July 29, 2011, 21:05:51 » |
|
Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need any friends?
Because he's always got his own shoulder to cry on.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Is your cat making too much noise all the time?
|
|
|
Bewster
Offline
Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
|
|
« Reply #305 on: Friday, August 5, 2011, 10:40:26 » |
|
My next-door neighbour called round last night and confronted me about washing that had gone missing from her line.
I almost shit her pants.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
woolster
|
|
« Reply #306 on: Friday, August 5, 2011, 10:50:04 » |
|
i got a knock on the door from a policeman last night, he held up a photo of a woman & asked me if it was my wife, "yes it is" i answered, " im afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" he said, "yes i know, but she's got a lovely personality"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Bob's Orange
Has brain escape barriers
 Online
Posts: 28606
|
|
« Reply #307 on: Friday, August 5, 2011, 11:42:14 » |
|
A friend of mine is going to a reggae party this weekend and asked me to do their hair.
I'm dreading it.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
we've been to Aberdeen, we hate the Hibs, they make us spew up, so make some noise,
the gorgie boys, for Hearts in Europe.
|
|
|
|
Freddies Ferret
|
|
« Reply #308 on: Friday, August 5, 2011, 12:01:49 » |
|
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods when the bear turns and says "Excuse me Mr Rabbit, but do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no"... so the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
nochee
|
|
« Reply #309 on: Friday, August 5, 2011, 17:59:14 » |
|
Two couples on holiday, and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap. Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of month so he has got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others missus. Next morning Paul grins and taps twice, looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Doore
|
|
« Reply #310 on: Thursday, August 11, 2011, 13:19:51 » |
|
A day early, but:
Six shots were fired in London last night. Thankfully all missed. Police are looking to question Nicklas Bendtner.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
walrus
Offline
Posts: 4228
|
|
« Reply #311 on: Thursday, August 25, 2011, 12:22:59 » |
|
Once again, Apple have put in a lot of time and effort and come out with something even thinner and lighter than before.
Steve Jobs.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
oxford_fan
Offline
Posts: 6764
|
|
« Reply #312 on: Thursday, August 25, 2011, 13:19:32 » |
|
Once again, Apple have put in a lot of time and effort and come out with something even thinner and lighter than before.
Steve Jobs.
fucking hell!  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
oxford_fan
Offline
Posts: 6764
|
|
« Reply #313 on: Thursday, August 25, 2011, 13:20:54 » |
|
10 best jokes of Edinburgh Fringe here, the winner was "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-14646532 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Bosey
Offline
Posts: 357
|
|
« Reply #314 on: Thursday, August 25, 2011, 15:56:24 » |
|
Her satin smooth wrists strain against your strong hands.
Her hot breath glistens in the cold night air.
The lace of her knickers brushes against your thigh sending shivers up your spine.
Her passionate screams break the silence of a winters evening.
This isn't just rape.
This is M & S rape.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
