Coca Fola
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« Reply #225 on: Monday, September 13, 2010, 20:16:00 » |
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Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.
Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fucking great! I wonder how the girls got on."
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Coca Fola
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« Reply #226 on: Monday, September 13, 2010, 20:26:40 » |
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Paddy is in the disco. He asks a girl, "fancy a shag?" She replies, "sorry, I'm on my menstrual cycle." "Great," says Paddy, "I'm on my scooter, I'll follow you home."
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Talk Talk
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« Reply #227 on: Monday, September 13, 2010, 21:52:09 » |
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What time did the Chinese man go to the dentist?
2:30.
Coincidentally I had an appointment today for a filling at 2:30pm. I am so proud. I didn't crack that joke once. Although my dentist is middle eastern so she probably wouldn't have got it
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land_of_bo
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« Reply #228 on: Tuesday, September 14, 2010, 07:11:30 » |
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How do you stop a dog humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his cock.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #229 on: Tuesday, September 14, 2010, 07:39:55 » |
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I wanted to buy my son a drum kit today.
My wife said, "I couldn't stay in the house with that racket!"
I bought my son a drum kit today.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #230 on: Tuesday, September 14, 2010, 08:00:06 » |
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Last night I poured antifreeze into my friend's alcopop. He's now paralysed and blind.
Have you got a WKD side?
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #231 on: Tuesday, September 14, 2010, 08:15:29 » |
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BBC News: Woman thrown off X-Factor for being mentally unstable.
That's like throwing a contestant off University Challenge for being a virgin.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #232 on: Wednesday, September 15, 2010, 09:17:44 » |
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These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads, points at the one in the middle and says, in a drunken slur, "I've shagged your Mum."
The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar.
Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your Mum has sucked my penis." The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar.
After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts, "I've had your Mum up the arse."
By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says, "Look, Dad, you're pissed. Now fuck off home."
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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BANGKOK RED
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« Reply #233 on: Thursday, September 16, 2010, 12:06:31 » |
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A policeman is driving around on duty one night and he sees this huge Black man dancing on the roof of a Ford. he calls for back up to the control room.
Policeman; I need back-up, there is a huge nigger dancing on the roof of a ford.
Control; hey, you can say that, its not Politicaly correct, please use the correct terminoligy!
Policeman; Zulu, Tango, Sierra.
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jutty274
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« Reply #234 on: Thursday, September 16, 2010, 18:28:00 » |
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As a family i decided we would move into the technocial age so i brought my son an I-pod, my daughter an I-phone & myself an I-pad. I felt really sorry for my wife not having anything so i brought her an I-ron and thats when it all kicked off. the ungrateful bitch.
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The_Plagiarist
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« Reply #235 on: Thursday, September 16, 2010, 19:35:55 » |
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Heard a fucking hilarious joke last night. "Whats worse than getting raped?..... ....Finding a worm in your apple." Cracking up as I'm typing this
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tans
You spin me right round baby right round
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« Reply #236 on: Friday, September 17, 2010, 17:06:55 » |
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Madeleine McCann's new facebook places update: In the Popemobile
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #237 on: Friday, September 17, 2010, 17:13:24 » |
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Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day,
His teacher demands, "Where were you yesterday?"
"I'm sorry Miss, my dad got burnt," replies Johnny.
"Oh,I'm sorry,I hope it wasn't serious," says the teacher.
To which Johnny replies, "Well, they don't fuck about at the crematorium, Miss."
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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jutty274
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« Reply #238 on: Friday, September 17, 2010, 17:13:37 » |
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The pope gets shot while in the UK, he comes round later looking at a gorgeous nurse and asks " am i in Heaven? " the nurse replies " no we are just taking a short cut through the childrens ward "
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #239 on: Friday, September 17, 2010, 17:46:14 » |
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What do you call a bloke who gets drinks for a ginger girl in a nightclub?
A barman.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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