The Premiership

[Bob's Orange]

A flashback to Football Hell

Tedium, who was born afresh once every generation, was sitting quietly in a sort of celestial changing-room that floated on some delicate astral plane. A gentle breeze occasionally rippled through the room, carrying with it a thousand faintly shimmering stars that danced playfully around her a few moments before breathlessly hurrying onwards.

In this outdoor changing room, Tedium had been sitting for a decade, lazily contemplating her bland and predictable spirit. Presently, during the course of a conversation she had with a white, ghostly voice that was carried on the breeze, it became known to her that she was soon to be born anew.

It was a long conversation, of which only fragments are repeated here.

TEDIUM (Yawning): To where will I be sent this time?

THE VOICE: You are to be born in to something called The Premiership.

TEDIUM: Is it an exciting time to be visiting this place? I do loathe excitement and entertainment. Bright lights and high spirits always leave me terribly weary.

THE VOICE: You need have no concerns; your time there will be as bland as a ha'penny.

TEDIUM: Oh good.

THE VOICE (Disheartened): Yes, Tedium, you will be at home there. (Sighing) Not long ago, The Premiership was ever such an exciting place; unpredictable and refreshing, it captured the hearts of a whole continent. People were in awe at its beautiful potential.

TEDIUM: It sounds vulgar. What happened? Where did all that tasteless stimulation and excitement disappear to?

THE VOICE: Acting much like a little boy might do with a new teddy-bear, a rather strange little man from a very cold country decided to take The Premiership as his new favourite play-thing.

TEDIUM: (Casually) Oh?

THE VOICE: He played with it every day; taking it every where he went and showing it to everyone he met. All his friends were soon very jealous, for it was all anyone ever talked about.

TEDIUM: Mmm.

THE VOICE: Soon, though, it became tired and worn, and it started to fall apart at the seams. It began to lose the vibrant and beautiful colours that made it so exciting in the beginning.

TEDIUM: (With a little more interest): It grew... boring?

THE VOICE: Very boring. Suddenly The Premiership didn't seem like such an exciting play-thing. Although the strange little man still loved it as he always had, other people quickly began to lose interest. It ceased to inspire and excite them as it once did; soon people were no longer talking about how wonderful it was, but would say that it was all a little dull. They began to think that it was better before the man had got hold of it and hugged all the life out of it.

TEDIUM: Good. So now there are no bright lights or high spirits in this Premiership? None of that tiresome thing they call adventure?

THE VOICE: None. Just monotony and predictability and weariness.

TEDIUM (Doggedly): Good. How long will I be staying there?

THE VOICE: It's hard to say. All the signs suggest that you will reign for quite a long time. Perhaps (here there was a long pause, during which there is a new sound that might have been The Voice sobbing quietly in to a handkerchief)& you will never leave.

TEDIUM: Excellent. I like being somewhere for the long haul. And will the people there like me?

THE VOICE: No, first you will be hated. Then, you will be ignored. And then, finally, you will be unloved and discarded. Just like an old teddy-bear...

The dialogue ends here, with Tedium still sitting idly in the changing room, musing over how long she would rule in this new humdrum world.

All this took place on Saturday morning, just moments before the first of this weekend's Premiership fixtures kicked-off.

[lebowski]

i don't know where all this media hum-drum about the premiership being boring has suddenly come from, anyone who's been paying close attention will know that the top league has been dull for a long time now.

[adje]

Yeah I was wondering when had it become less interesting than it already was?

[Ben Wah Balls]

It went through a 10 year period of being extremely boring but it's improved now and the last couple of years have been much better.

[lebowski]

It went through a 10 year period of being extremely boring but it's improved now and the last couple of years have been much better.

you must be talking about eastenders, right?

[Ben Wah Balls]

No the premiership, it was so dull when it was just Man United and Arsenal winning every year. Finally someone else is winning it. It's great.
 

[lebowski]

ahh, chelsea fan then...

[Ben Wah Balls]

No I'd rather anyone win in that Man United or Arsenal. Spurs would be my ideal choice other than Swindon but I'm quite happy to see Chelsea win and they're a superb team to watch.

[Spencer_White]

Are you insane?

Man Utd and Arsenal played THE most fantastic football when they were winning the Premiership. Just because Chelsea are someone new doesnt make it exciting. Chelsea are a dull winning machine, even their own fans are getting bored of them.

You could not be more wrong.

[Tails]

I don't know about you but I think there is some great football going on in the prem and last seasons relegation battle was top notch.

[Kinky Tom]

Yeah I was wondering when had it become less interesting than it already was?

Well the average is now less than 2 goals per game in the Premiership - the whole draw of it in the first place was that there was more goal-mouth action than elswhere - now it's a poor imitation of Serie A.

[Ben Wah Balls]

Chelsea play some great stuff, I saw the Charlton game and Robben and Essien were outstanding, Robben's goal was superb. They're not dull, they are certainly the best team to watch in the premiership.

I could never enjoy watching Arsenal play anyway but really whenever I've watched them I've not been particularly impressed or entertained, same with Man United, only reason I'd watch them is to see Rooney play but take last years fa cup final Man United V Arsenal and one of the dullest ones in ages.

I think the only reason Chelsea are getting the criticism is Abramovich but some of the claims that they play long ball are nonsense. They don't at all, they mix it up and that's what I like to see. Arsenal have become too predictable.

[Kinky Tom]

Arsenal have become too predictable.

Bet you wouldn't complain if we were as predictable as Arsenal.

For my money the best style of play since the Premiership conception is the Arsenal of a couple of seasons ago - they just oozed class - I bet you play similar on Pro Evo - it's all about movement and cohesion.

[Bob's Orange]

Arse 1-0 up against Everton, Sol Campbell the scorer.

[Ben Wah Balls]

Arse 1-0 up against Everton, Sol Campbell the scorer.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I play a bit like Chelsea on pro evo, very strong defence and don't concede much. I kept 10 consecutive clean sheets on online pro evo.