I used to work in China for a Chinese/British company into shipping and laying/repairing subsea telecom/power cables.
If you like Chinese food in the UK then you are in for one hell of a shock when you get to China. If you like bone splinters/incredibly tough meat and all the bits of an animal you would normally discard, then fill your boots. Crispy Duck’s Tongues anyone? The seafood is good, fresh and cheap but do not expect battered cod.
In a restaurant it is OK to smoke and eat simultaneously. That is why the Chinese invented the chopsticks (it also allows them to count their money and eat at the same time). It is also OK to smoke profusely with children or even infants at your table or the one next to you. If you blow smoke in a child’s face and then belch it is seen as very manly and will win you admirers who will then challenge you to a rice wine drinking contest….or if you are lucky warm beer.
When walking down the pavement the first thing you will notice is that nobody walks on the pavement. The pavement is reserved for women in pyjamas doing their washing, noodle braziers, pissing children and silent electric mopeds travelling at breakneck speeds. Walk in the road, that is what they are designed for. If you find yourself having to use the pavement, learn to pick your spot and if you think you are about to make physical contact with somebody do not stray from your chosen path, you will end up colliding. As if by magic, the Chinese person will miss you as if they have a secret radar in their eyes. In the West there is an invisible boundary which is generally not crossed unless you know that person or Swindon have just scored the winner against Man U in the 5th. minute of injury time in the FA cup Final. There is no personal space in China, there are too many people to allow them all personal space. Get used to it and don’t let it annoy you. When crossing a road at a pedestrian crossing and the “Man is Green” this means that it is the God given right for all law breaking cars/lorries/mopeds/bicycles to aim for you and kill you. Get a driver and never cross the road without a local unless you are using the pedestrian overpass (where you will be sold child pornography DVDs in a wrapper which says “The Best of WestLife”)
If you are in manufacturing and have just spent a year writing maintenance procedures or instructions on how to operate the factory at maximum efficiency then you have wasted your time. In China there is a secret formula not known in the West……….
Maintenance+Following Procedures = Waste of money.
When your brand spanking new factory grinds to a halt and everything is worn out and broken after a year of higher than expected output then the secret formula has been followed. To top it off, it will be Jonny Foreigner’s fault and his factory and machinery will be publically known as heap of shit and not paid for. The identical factory called Lucky Donkey will spring up within a year making exact copies of your product and you will be back in Blighty with a big red figure on your bottom line.
But on a positive note…the women still have hairy fannies and really big chewy nipples.
Seriously, I had a whale of a time during my 8 years in Shanghai/Schenzhen/Yantai/Hong Kong and do not regret it at all. It is an eye opener and anybody who dismisses China does so at their peril. Enjoy it with an open mind.
Ha ha
I agree with much of that with my experience if Chinese-Thais.
They're certainly not big on manners.
