I would happily take this role on, I feel the current matchday threader has been off the boil since The JPT final in March.
I think its only fair he is allowed to to concentrate on the commercial side of things, such as cider and Tesco Value Fish Fingers. I offer the following on the football side of things -
Consistency - I am always present at Midnight, my OCD rarely allows me to bed down before 12.47am, so a guaranteed thread, with predicted score, scorers and attendance will be in place within minutes of the match day beginning at midnight. This was a vital element of last years success.
Value For Money - I will not seek or accept a knighthood at any point and in the case of 3 straight defeats i would offer my resignation to the board of the TEF, and if deemed necessary, the cat o nine tails can be unleashed.
Background - Sometime back in the 80's my brother had a trial with Port Vale who were League 1/Division 3 at the time, i also started a matchday thread on Thisis back in the Andy King days

But we did win
Paul The Octopus? - Well, we have Sid The Stick Insect. I will write the names of Swindon Town and the opposition and see which team Sid wanders towards, this will make us a fortune on betting
Impartial Predicitions - I will always predict what i think the score will be, removing the STFc rose tinted specs, for example, I think we will beat Villa 6-1
If accepted for this prestigious position I will dump Lizzy Birdsworth and change the avatar to something more fitting of a person in such a prestigious position.