Forum News: Census is government mind rape, insists TalkTalk

TalkTalk has broken his forum silence to warn TEFers that the census that they completed yesterday is a form of "government mind rape" that is controlling not only our thoughts, but also our bladders.

Speaking from his back garden bunker, the anarcho-capitalist librarian told us "I completed the census online, but instead of submitting it I immediately set fire to my lap top. If you had any sense you would have done the same."

TalkTalk revealed that in an extraordinary, but completely coincidental development every other person in his house did exactly the same thing.

"I had absolutely no influence whatsoever in their decision to do what I had just done." he insisted. "Their actions were completely voluntary and based upon their own experiences with the government's attempts to force us to conform to their rule!"

He also issued a terrifying warning that government run agencies are polluting real ale with drugs that interfere with our bodies.

"I drank 12 pints of Old Ballbag, and when I woke up in the morning I'd completely pissed the bed and been sick in the laundry basket."

"What more proof do you need?" He guffed.

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"Come with me if you want to live!"