Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
 Offline
Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
|
 |
« Reply #360 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 15:48:33 » |
|
I put all my old dogging gear up on Ebay.
I haven't had any bids yet but there are 14 people watching.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
Offline
Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
|
|
« Reply #361 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 19:03:21 » |
|
I just saw 3 Oxford fans playing football with a hedgehog in the park.
I was going to call the RSPCA but the hedgehog was winning 4-0.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
|
|
|
Legends-Lounge
Offline
Posts: 8796
Non PC straight talking tory Brexit voter on this
|
|
« Reply #362 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 19:41:31 » |
|
I just saw 3 Oxford fans playing football with a hedgehog in the park.
I was going to call the RSPCA but the hedgehog was winning 4-0.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Munichred
Offline
Posts: 440
|
|
« Reply #363 on: Friday, March 27, 2020, 21:20:52 » |
|
Since the stay-at-home period started the price of indoor trampolines has jumped through the roof.
Here in Germany there's been a particular spike, maybe because of the habit of wearing first world war helmets.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: Friday, March 27, 2020, 21:22:54 by Munichred »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Peter Venkman
Past glories motivate us when times are bleak.
Offline
Posts: 64622
Perfection is not attainable
|
|
« Reply #364 on: Saturday, March 28, 2020, 09:51:39 » |
|
Since the stay-at-home period started the price of indoor trampolines has jumped through the roof.
Here in Germany there's been a particular spike, maybe because of the habit of wearing first world war helmets.
You are pickeled then. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
From the station at Colchester
To the cells of Warrington
From the services at Leicester
To the slums of Northampton
We travel over England
And one day Europe too
Cos we all follow the Swindon
We're the famous Town End crew.
|
|
|
McGurk's Missus
Has An Unhealthy Obsession With Bleach
Offline
Posts: 10670
Has A Hardon For McGurk
|
|
« Reply #365 on: Thursday, April 2, 2020, 23:00:10 » |
|
Tinder is going to be absolutely rife with horny bastards after social restrictions are lifted. The surge of unprotected sex will once again burst through the roof in the UK. Except for those not so lucky 'I'm sorry, I can't. I'm washing my hair' will no longer be the curve to fall upon. Rejected souls across the land will be met with 'I'm sorry, I'm Covid positive.'
Mind you the clever will counter with 'It's ok babe...I'm immune!'
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
'Incessant Nonsense'
______________________________________________________________
'I'm gonna tell you the secret.
There's a threat, you end it and you don't feel ashamed about enjoying it.
You smell the gunpowder and you see the blood, you know what that means?
It means you're alive. You've won.
You take the heads so that you don't ever forget.'
|
|
|
Jimmy Quinn
Offline
Posts: 16507
The future is orange
|
|
« Reply #366 on: Sunday, October 25, 2020, 12:46:21 » |
|
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about £50?
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she not realise that our porch goes all the way
round the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes" the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50 and handed it to her along with a £10 tip.
" Thank you" the blonde said, "and by the way, it's not a Porch, it's an Audi"
😁
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Red Frog
Not a Dave
Offline
Posts: 9047
Pondlife
|
|
« Reply #367 on: Friday, November 13, 2020, 13:25:43 » |
|
Lee Power thought lewishamilton.com was an 'otel booking site.  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Tout ce que je sais de plus sūr ą propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
|
|
|
|
Hunk
|
|
« Reply #368 on: Friday, November 13, 2020, 13:55:35 » |
|
One of my kids told me the following:
There was this man and he had two girlfriends one called Keeley and one called Lorraine and he suddenly decided he didn't like Lorraine anymore and just wanted to see Keeley so he dumped Lorraine and he was so happy he started singing a song and it went 'I can see Keeley now Lorraine has gone'.
I've removed all appropriate grammar to reflect accurately how he said it.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Hunk
|
|
« Reply #369 on: Friday, November 27, 2020, 08:05:45 » |
|
I feel like I've just gone twelve rounds with Audley Harrison. Fine
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
McGurk's Missus
Has An Unhealthy Obsession With Bleach
Offline
Posts: 10670
Has A Hardon For McGurk
|
|
« Reply #370 on: Thursday, December 3, 2020, 17:08:19 » |
|
I've actually just found out my Grandad is pretty addicted to Viagra...No one is taking it harder than my Nan!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
'Incessant Nonsense'
______________________________________________________________
'I'm gonna tell you the secret.
There's a threat, you end it and you don't feel ashamed about enjoying it.
You smell the gunpowder and you see the blood, you know what that means?
It means you're alive. You've won.
You take the heads so that you don't ever forget.'
|
|
|
McGurk's Missus
Has An Unhealthy Obsession With Bleach
Offline
Posts: 10670
Has A Hardon For McGurk
|
|
« Reply #371 on: Friday, December 18, 2020, 16:58:46 » |
|
The far right, anti-semite and anti-muslim hooligan has finally been tracked down and arrested. A Ray Cyst, 47 yr old male...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
'Incessant Nonsense'
______________________________________________________________
'I'm gonna tell you the secret.
There's a threat, you end it and you don't feel ashamed about enjoying it.
You smell the gunpowder and you see the blood, you know what that means?
It means you're alive. You've won.
You take the heads so that you don't ever forget.'
|
|
|
|
