My 2 day trip to Scotland.

Took the lorry on a whirlwind trip taking in Glasgow,Carlisle and Stoke..and a incident packed 2 and a half days it be.
After dropping off at Hamilton i ventured into the local Chippy,the Chinamen with a broad Scottish accent says something to the effect of what can i get you...i answer pie and chips please Jimmy,trying to crack a feeble joke,he wasnt amused,proceeded to pick up a pie and donk it in the deep fat fryer!
I cant eat that i says i didnt want it fried..its a Scotch Pie says he looking at me through even squintier eyes..whats Scottish about it i enquire,with that hes had enough,theres people who need serving he says make your mind up so i decide on a bag of chips and i say a cheery good night which went unanswered.
After a sleepness night i drive down to Carlisle and have a delivery for Marks and Sparks which is in the centre..been there for footy but am suprised how nice a place the centre is..a great cathedral in the centre and the place reekes of history so i park up and kill an hour looking round cos i cant deliver untill the store closes,one of the best Town(or city) centres ive been too...great if you like your history.
Anyway i drive to Marks and ask the security guy on the door
Can you direct me to your delivery area please,he says
We havnt got one,i says
I need to drop off some panels,he says
Well like i said theres no area..ime getting cheesed off now and i say
Ware do the drivers deliver the food,he says
In the delivery area!
After telling him i now realise why hes a security guy i eventually drop off...in the delivery area.
After picking up in Stoke which really is a blast from the past,i pick up in Fenton an area of Stoke near the Brittania i head home to Swindon,when in my mirrors ime aware of flashing lights,after realising it wasnt Mr Whippy i stop my Lorry and a policeman instructs me to pull in the next layby,while driving there ime wondering what ive done.
Mr Plod aks me if its alright for his trainee to have a chat with me in my cab..then i see her..it looked like she had been tangoed!..a bright orange glow lit up the layby and she reminded me of the old jaffa ide eaten earlier.
As she got in the cab it dawns on me that the chips from jockland hadnt been good for my stomach and as she scrambled in 4 hours of stinkiness hit her full on....that orange glow seemed to turn a nasty grey ans she says..i wont be long can i look at your tachos please
Ive never heard em called that i say trying to lighten the atmosphere,she grimmaces and says..youve spelt Carlisle wrong on that tacho...then plunges into the night with a comment of everthing in order to Mr Plod..he waves me on and after quickly congratulating him on his sterling police work i head home....a jolly jaunt indeed.