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« on: Sunday, February 4, 2007, 15:21:27 » |
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>>A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the >>Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicenter in >>Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering >>"Faaackinell". >> >>The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of >>damage. >>Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del >>Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars >>were disturbed. >>Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported >>that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still >>trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had >>happened in Basildon. However, looting, muggings and car crime were >>unaffected and carried on as normal. >> >>One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was >>such a shock. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom >>crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it >>all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the >>next morning." >> >>The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny >>Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. >>Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large >>quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewelry from >>Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. >> >>***** HOW CAN YOU HELP? ***** >> >>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those >>unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most >>sought after - items most needed include: >> >>Fila or Burberry baseball caps >>Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) >>Shell suits (female) >>White sport socks >>Rockport boots >>Any other items usually sold in Primark. >>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. >> >>Required foodstuffs include: >> >>Microwave meals, >>Tins of baked beans, >>Ice cream, >>Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. >> >>22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms; £2 buys chips, >>crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9; £5 buys a packet of B&H >>and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. >> >>**Breaking news** >> >>Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. >> >>"Where are you bleeding from?' they asked. >> >>"ROMFORD" said the girl. "Woss that gotta do wiv you? >>Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they >>won't be able to read it, anyway
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