A Joke

[Ralphy]

A woman slips naked in her bathroom, does the splits and ends up suctioned to the floor by her fanny.

Her husband tries but can't budge her so calls his mate who says ''I'll go and get a hammer, we can break the tiles and then lift her up.''

The husband says ''Ok i'll lick her ear and play with her tits while your gone.''

''Why?'' Says his mate.

''I i can get her wet maybe we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper.''

[magicroundabout]

>
> Far away in the  tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were Swimming around  in the sea - one called Justin & the other called Christian.
>
>
>
> The prawns were  constantly being harassed & threatened by sharks that
>
> Inhabited the  area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up With being  a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any Worries about being  eaten."
>
>
>
> A large  mysterious cod appeared & said, "Your wish is granted" & lo & Behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately Swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
>
>
>
> Time passed (as  it invariably does) & Justin found life as a shark boring & lonely.  All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close To them.
> Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause Of his sad plight.
>
>
>
> While swimming  alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again & he thought Perhaps the  mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He Approached the  cod & begged to be changed back, & lo & behold, he Found himself  turned back into a prawn.
>
>
>
> With tears of  joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends & bought  them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a Prawn cocktail  - it's much worse).
>
>
>
> Looking around  the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see His old pal.  "Where's Christian?" he asked.
>
>
>
> "He's at home,  still distraught that his best friend changed sides to The enemy &  became a shark",came the reply.
>
>
>
> Eager to put  things right again & end the mutual pain & torture, he set Off to  Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came Flooding back. He banged on the door & shouted, "It's me, Justin, your Old  friend, come out & see me again."
>
>
>
> Christian  replied,"No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the Enemy,  & I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
>
>
>
> Justin cried  back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've Changed...."
>
>
>
> "I've found Cod.  I'm a Prawn again Christian".
>

[pumbaa]

>
> Far away in the  tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were Swimming around  in the sea - one called Justin & the other called Christian.
>
>
>
> The prawns were  constantly being harassed & threatened by sharks that
>
> Inhabited the  area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up With being  a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any Worries about being  eaten."
>
>
>
> A large  mysterious cod appeared & said, "Your wish is granted" & lo & Behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately Swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
>
>
>
> Time passed (as  it invariably does) & Justin found life as a shark boring & lonely.  All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close To them.
> Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause Of his sad plight.
>
>
>
> While swimming  alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again & he thought Perhaps the  mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He Approached the  cod & begged to be changed back, & lo & behold, he Found himself  turned back into a prawn.
>
>
>
> With tears of  joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends & bought  them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a Prawn cocktail  - it's much worse).
>
>
>
> Looking around  the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see His old pal.  "Where's Christian?" he asked.
>
>
>
> "He's at home,  still distraught that his best friend changed sides to The enemy &  became a shark",came the reply.
>
>
>
> Eager to put  things right again & end the mutual pain & torture, he set Off to  Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came Flooding back. He banged on the door & shouted, "It's me, Justin, your Old  friend, come out & see me again."
>
>
>
> Christian  replied,"No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the Enemy,  & I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
>
>
>
> Justin cried  back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've Changed...."
>
>
>
> "I've found Cod.  I'm a Prawn again Christian".
>

I posted that shit joke ages ago, you cunt