FRiday joke

[SwindonTartanArmy]

Three guys are sitting in the canteen nursing coffees and hangovers after a hard night on the batter

The first guy says "I was so pished last, I staggered home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

"That's not so bad" says the second guy. "I woke up this morning in bed with a feckin monster, no idea who she is, but she's got a moustache like a 70s porn star and she was still wearing steel toe-capped boots"

The third guy says "You were lucky! I woke up with a guy, dressed in a ballerina outfit, couldn't find my clothes and had no idea where I was."

There was silence for a moment and then the first guy said "I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."

[land_of_bo]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

But one Saturday night, the cock went missing. The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in Church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock
that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY
cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up...

[land_of_bo]

Sorry, one more!

An Australian, an Irishman and a Glaswegian are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Buckfast.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the
Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets
go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who knocks over a chair and a table in
trying to get away from the Son of God.

"What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.

The Glaswegian shouts, "f*** off, I'm on disability benefit!"

[jayohaitchenn]

[STFC Village]

a hard night on the batter

They'd been down the chippy?

[SwindonTartanArmy]

a hard night on the batter

They'd been down the chippy?

yeah, needed to wash down the battered mars bars

[Barry Scott]

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

[timmyg]

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a dress but has a willy?




A trannysaurus rex.

 

[Sharky]

What did the cat say when the dog chased him out of the house?

"Meow" ..... fucking idiots what else would he say, he's only a cat!  :-))(

[mattyswinboy]

What does Michael Jackson have in common with a playstation?





They both come in black or white and get turned on by kids.

[walrus]

What's the definition of sick?






Fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.







-------------------------






What's small, blue and doesn't fit?








Dead epeletic baby.

 :|

[land_of_bo]

What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Have you got two 5's for a 10?

[rudeboydreas]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock

 

[mattboyslim]

Friday Joke?...

There was me thinking it was another thread about the Town's finances? :-))(

[cavpete]

what does michael jackson pass around the table when he has finished his meal..



















under eights


















a seal walks into a club