I'm Bored

[STFCBird]

well......can you?

Easy peasy

[Northern Red]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up, rips off her habit and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

[Northern Red]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting nervous. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too"

[STFCBird]

Knock Knock

[pumbaa]

Who's there?

[STFCBird]

Dr

[pumbaa]

I really don't want to type this, but if it cheers you up Birdy...

Dr Who?

[STFCBird]

 Sorry Coxy it had to be done  

[Ralphy]

Whats transparant and smells of Banana's ?

[STFCBird]

dunno

[Ralphy]

A monkey's fart. Boom boom.

[STFCBird]

:|

[pumbaa]

And I was just wasting time before posting this pointless shit. And before any fucker asks, its not my own creation, alright?

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WARNING:

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This document may contain information covered under the Privacy Act, 5 USC 552(a), Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, Public Law 104-191, and DoD Directive 6025.18. It must be protected in accordance with those provisions.