I'm sorry but I'm a bit bored so.............

Welcome to the Jeremy Spacey show!!

Audience: whoop! whoop!

On this morning's show we meet the women at her wits end as we ask - Did you steal my fags? lie detector test results!

Please welcome Chlamydia to the show ladies and gentlemen!

Audience: whoop! whoop!

Hello sweetheart, welcome to the show. So what happened?

Chlamydia: Well Jeremy.....

It's okay, take your time

Chlamydia: Well Jeremy, I'd just cashed my giro and I always treat myself to 20 Lamberts you see and smoke roll ups for the rest of the fortnight. Anyway I was sat at home when I felt the urge to go to the toilet, while I was in there I heard the front door close...

The cigarettes where on the coffee table?

Chlamydia: That's right Jeremy...well when I got back they'd gone.

Audience: GASP!

Now you think you know who took your cigarettes don't you?

Chlamydia: I'm certain of it, Jeremy

Well today we're going to find out, please welcome Yeovil red to the show!

Audience: Boo! Burn him! Wanker!

We shouldn't pre judge on this show there are 2 sides to every story.Welcome to the show Yeovil red.

Yeovil red: Ta.

Now you deny stealing Chlamydia's Lamberts don't you, infact you told one of my researchers that you'd given up smoking, is that right?

Chlamydia: He's lying!!

Yeovil red: Shut up, you've had your say......that's right Jeremy

Well we'll find out after this break when we reveal the results of the lie detector test, don't go away...

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Welcome back. okay lets find out the results of the lie detector test......We asked Yeovil red, did you take Chlamydia's Lamberts? He answered confidently ' did I fuck you twat ' .The lie detector results say.......( 5 minute pause)......YOU SIR ARE A LIAR!!!

Audience: GASP! BOO!

Yeovil red: That's bollocks that is!

The lie detector is 96% accurate, I suppose you're going to say you're one of the 4%

Yeovil red: Fuck off!

Now we here on the Jeremy Spacey show don't just drag people on here and then send them on their way. We offer counselling but you've got to want to change.Do you want to confront what you've done and turn your life around?

Yeovil red: But I ain't done nuffin' you jumped up twat!

That's brilliant, it takes a lot of courage to come on the show and be made to look an idiot so I respect you for that. A round of applause for Yeovil red and Chlamydia, ladies and gentlemen.

Audience: Whoop, Whoop!

Tomorrow on the Jeremy Spacey show we'll be talking to the couple whose relationship is at breaking point as we ask - Did you break the zip on my tracky top?

Until then this is me Jeremy Spacey saying goodbye.