Devlin's Diary - Sun 30th July

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't made an entry for so long, me and Bill have been living it pretty large over the last few months. Unfortunately the horse racing authorities have been coming down pretty hard on any unconventional practices. I’ve coped ok without Willie’s coffee, but Willie went mental. It’s been a month and a half since I last saw him, I hope he’s ok; he tends to have a good homing instinct, so I’m sure he’ll come back eventually.

I was expecting a mentalist when Dennis Wise turned up, I was pleasantly surprised, well to start off with anyway. We went out for a very enjoyable quiet drink and I didn’t think any more of it. However, in the last three weeks he’s made 3 players cry. I wouldn’t have thought it was a bad thing (as they need to do some work), but after having another drink with him, I’ve decided the bloke is a mental. We were in the Savoy and he just started shouting at people. I slipped a valium in his drink and he calmed down, but it was a close call.

We’ve been trying to sign Paul Ince, the original plan was to get him addicted to Willie’s horse coffee, unfortunately that’s a no-go at the moment so we’ll just have to see how it goes.

Signing off…