Thetownend.com

So Saturday is my wedding and its traditional for the groom to give a speech here.  I have no fucking idea at all what to say.  Do I go for the comic route with a PPT (ending in a picture of my wife wearing a pair or knickers on her head) or the romantic lovey dovey bullshitty thing?  200 people, 15 white and 185 locals (50% who speak no English), left it all till the last minute and completely shitting myself now.

Sing this...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzC5HT1Qhmo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And don't forget the Chinese way of things - they chop your balls off if you get caught shagging the bridesmaids!!!

Best of luck. Hope it goes well for you.  :technobabble: :thumb:

Congratulations.

Is it the Chinese tradition where the bride wears red?


If you keep it short at least 92 1/2 people will be happy :)

If 50% don't speak English.....then the plus point is that 50% DO speak English :)

Opening line for you -


Apologies if I seem nervous today, but I've been nervous about today ever since the date was fixed.
And as it's got closer, I've got more and more nervous. I know there's nothing to worry about, but it's been praying on my mind for ages.................................



....................having said that, if Benson is fit, and we can get plenty of service to the wingers, then we should beat the Pikeys easily.


(I did something similar when my wedding clashed with a rugby World cup game, and it went down a storm)

This is a probable first for the TEF - because never before can I remember advice being solicited for a Chinese best man speech.  Sadly, I do not have the faintest idea what the form is out there.  Do they like a bit of humour, romance, or a stiff upper lip?

The other China-based fella on here (ChinaWhite&Red?) may have some better advice for you.  All I can do is wish you all the best, hope you enjoy your big day and then have a wonderful life together.  If it is anything like mine, it will go by in a flash - so take some time to sit back and enjoy it if you can.

Another good one (this assumes you haven't been married before) is to keep refering to her as your "first wife" rather than your wife.

Or Current Wife..

I got married in China and had the same problems, all worked out fine tho.

Isn't it traditional in Blighty as well...I ended up doing one, I'd have rather not bothered?

Why not do a meaningless speech with loads of random photo's in there. Confuse the hell out of all of them and enjoy the expressions on their chinese faces as you deliver.

This reminds me of the time I tried to explain the concept of comedy to 3 Chinese girls. They had no idea what I was talking about, apparently there isn't a word for comedy in Chinese. They didn't understand sarcasm either, I managed to convince them that making jokes on a weekday was a criminal offence in the UK.

We convinced an American friend of ours that had just arrived in the UK for a year's secondment that in the UK you can only get done for rape if both of you didn't consent. If one of you wanted it, it's fine.

We did let him know that that wasn't true before he started his new role.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Its your wedding so if you are worried about a speech then don't do one. I'd be shitting it in your position and would just not bother.

What arriba said

Thats what I did, I just asked my best man to include a couple of things and then let him get on with it. If your not good or don't like this sort of thing it's not worth the stress and panic of it all and it will leave you then just to enjoy the day which is how it should be. My best man was a nervous wreck for day's leading up the the wedding about giving a speech and I remember I Kept on telling him there was nothing to worry about  :)

No red dresses now, mostly they do a 'fake' western wedding.

Must give a speech (in fact three), think i'll just go for the make it up as I go along and hope for the best.

I'd love to do a swindon related one but the only person in the room who would get it is the best man who's a hammers fan.

End with,

"Oh, and Di Canio's ours!"
or something along those lines!

Just don't forget to substitute 'R' with 'L'  e.g.

VELLY instead of VERY and vice versa

SMELLY becomes SMERRY

Hope this helps

fanks kelly