Thetownend.com

There's nothing quite like spending your Sunday getting the roast dinner just right. We generally don't have ours at lunchtime, but at about 5pm, giving family and friends a bit more time to get some stuff done during the day.

Today I'm cooking roast Pork and it's going to be crackling!

Roast Pork

Pork is probably the easiest of the meats to cook, as you get a bit more leeway with your cooking time than if you're trying to get a nice bit of beef nicely rare or perfect lamb or a none dry chicken. Super hot oven at the start for the crackling and then lower it down for a nice extended slower cook is the key.

But for how long? Well everybody knows that pork is the most human like of meat, so the key is to use a human head as a basis for cooking time. Fill up a bucket to the top. Carefully place place you're lump of pork in and then measure how much water is displaced. Repeat the same but with your head.

Now you just have to follow a simple equation.

Head Water Displaced
--------------------  X 2 Hours X Head Deformation Ratio = Total Cooking Time
Pork Water Displaced


Of course some people like Ralphy, tans or Andy Impey have wierd shaped heads. If you think this might apply to you then The Head Deformation Ratio can be discovered by asking friends or family "Do I have a weird shaped head?"

In the unfortunate case of a "YES!" reply, then you may need to include a ratio of 0.8 or 1.2, depending on if you're head is small or large respectively.

Get a job? ::)

I'm sure employed people cook roast dinners on Sunday too. Infact I know they do. I looked forward to it even when I did have  job.

My roast dinner is going to be better than yours.

"even when I did have a job"

 :D Classic!!



Your roast is going to be better than mine though, granted  :I'm a complete mofleakin Deak

I'm having roast pork today too Ben.

I'm currently sat typing this with a bucket stuck to my head thanks to your cooking advice.

Roast Pork
Roast Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Carrots, Pasnips.
Steamed vegetables (haven't checked what's in the fridge yet - probably cauliflower, broccoli, green beans, something else)
Homemade Stuffing (just sage and onion, didn't notice the apples on the side which could have gone in it. Oh well).
Yorkshire puddings.

I'm hungry already.

Hehe.

I've started on the red wine, which is always the key to a good cooking session.

I'm doing fajitas tonight, gonna try and make some tortillas, seem similar to chapatis or roti but without letting them dry out.

That was Keith Floyd's downfall.

I like to think of it more of an ascension than a downfall.

I find crushed up pistachios are an exellent addition to a home made stuffing, yummy.

That does sound nice. I'll have to try that one day.

Im having Pork but i dont own a bucket,is it ok to use the toilet instead?

You might have to block it first to fill it up.

Maybe use your bath or the sink?

ill shove a load of loo roll down there 1st,should do the trick.

Important safety tip for you yeovil: When dunking your head, DON'T TRY TO BREATHE

My roast pork is currently on a plate, on the M25 on its way back from Birdys parents house. Which is good.

Not so good is I just got out the shower, tripped on a towel and fell down the stairs. My shoulder doesn't feel to clever.

I don't think it's your shoulder's cleverness that's the problem. Are you Mr Bean?

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/

That's pretty spot on, except I was carrying a basket of washing.

A&E was good, they gave me a load of diazepam and said come back in the morning.

I fucking love diazepam. And codeine.

codine is BOSS

I took 8 50mg tabs of the little beautys yesterday

they rocked my world


Baz Savage is still a cunt though, so is that co-comentator who was on with Vic

Broken scapula. I told them it hurt.

Ouch! How long to heal?

About five feet