Thetownend.com

I was in a meeting today where the phrase "if I was playing devil's advocate" came up about 10 times - I had to stop myself from saying "do you mean if you were being a cunt?"

Am i right to get wound up by this - or do I just need a holiday?

 :beach:

red socks, meet Billy Shears.

'let's touch base'

Heh! heh!

[url width=320 height=240]http://pistonsnationblog.com/images/devils_advocate.jpg[/url]

Devil's Advocate  8)


The one I hate the most is "It's a big ask" Anyone who uses it wants shooting :crash:

I'm not one to gossip but......

"Get off me!!", "No I won't swallow", "You want to put it where?!!"

Just some of the phrases that annoy me....

Yeah, crispy does go on a bit.

"If I've told you a thousand times..."

You haven't  ???

When people phone up, and say "I'm just phoning up..." No shit, really?

When someones bombing it and someone says...he wont get there any quicker.
Yes they do.

When kids constantly say "what are we doing next?" all day long!!!

One swallow does not make a summer (or something along those lines)

That was overused on here way too much after that disaster of a manager came out with it.

"are you sure you want another drink?"

"where did you lose it?"

"jog on" became very overused after Football Factory came out.

I keep hearing the phrase "Have I got mug tattoo'd on my forehead?".

If you have to ask that question then yes you are a mug - and a massive, massive cunt.

When people end a point in an argument with "end of".

any sentence that ends with 'like'.

"Can you do me a favour?"

Really pisses me off as I'm not going to commit to doing the favour until you tell me what the favour is you're asking for.

We need to draw a line under this and move on.

"but if you think about it for a moment...."

My boss uses this many, many times a day.

In fact I'm going to try and cram every phrase used in this thread into my working day tomorrow.

Not really a phrase but I think you all over use Cunt on here  ;)

simples.

people who say that should have their tongue cut off.

"Where to you going?"

Locals round here say it and it does my swede

This, and "Where are you to"  >:( >:(

Yes! I have Welsh friends who say it, as we would say "Where you at?", they would way "Where you to?"

As Bob said, 'lets touch base' is a stupid yank phrase used by people who don't even know what it means.

'That's grand' also winds me up.

" If i was you "  This really does my head in,

If you were me then i would be twice the cunt i am and i am happy with how cuntish i am.

If you've ever got into an argument with an american, mainly thoose of a similar age to me ( I get this on Xbox Live  :D ) Its always "Would you like some Tea and Crumpets with the queen, mate?"

"That's lush"

"errrrrrrrrrrrrm..... NO" or when someone sarcasticly laughs and then shouts no.

"Should of gone to specsavers, referee!"

Not really a phrase but when players names are shortened e.g: Stevie G, Lamps, Becks,

The best phrase I ever heard ( from a motivational guru no less ) was "let me leave you to stir that around your mental wock". Lets all sing from the same hyms sheet is also shit as is blue sky thinking and plucking low hanging fruit. The other one appears in most annual accounts where the Chief Exec / Chairman says "our employees are our greatest asset" - well don't treat them like cunts then you overpaid, overbearing public school retard.

People who type  "fact" in post's when it's conjecture at best. Last person I remember doing that was Mex..... the cunt.

"Why don't we run it up the flagpole and see which way the wind is blowing?"

Cunts.

To which you say, that's a bit forward, I've never even met your dad.
-----------------

Anything management BS winds me up. Blue sky thinking, interface with the customer, etc, etc.

Synergie...that's another cunting word I hate.

Synergie is normally followed by job losses

"Whatever!"  :crash:

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself"

"Think outside the box" and one that's already been mentioned "Let's touch base"

Yuk

All aboard the cluetrain...

Any cunt that says "I was like..." or "eww, my god"

Really? You say "Where you at?"  ???

Where to is it?

I say that, I think most people I know say it.

Oooh everyone's favourite: "at the end of the day"

Yeah. It's like a shortened version of "where are you?"

Didn't a news paper, or some language body, have a study on the most hated English phrases and then one of the broad sheets ran a front page with a long headline made up entirely of the shit people say. Someone should find it. It was ace.

I hate anything being described as "gurt." When in Bristol, or somewhere else braincells are dying in shallow gene pools, I understand it, but not here. (No offence Samdy, because I know you've typed it, but I tell myself it's tongue in cheek.) ;)

Anyone who uses the word 'gurt' or the phrase 'bore off' is a chav.

In it

"Guess what"

But it's not really is it.
It's the same number of syllables so isn't any quicker to say and you also sound like a cunt.



"Have you got two minutes?"
"Can I pick your brains?

I have a customer that I speak to on a regular basis who ALWAYS says (after i've asked him how he is) "I'm alright, it's all the others, hehehe!" with a little chuckle at the end.
One day I will just put the phone down on him at this point.

When people use the word 'literally' in any phrase where it is clearly inappropriate.

'I was literally over the moon with that'

No, you weren't. Jamie Redkanpp does this all the time on sky and it does my head in.

But it can certainly make your evening.

Wake up and smell the coffee

He / she turned around and said

Don't worry, I'm not trying to sell you anything......

With respect.....  (you pratt)

I hear what you say..... (but you're wrong)

People that say 2010 as two thousand and ten. It's twenty ten, fools.

People don't refer to 1910 as nineteen hundred and ten.

So what did you refer to 2009 as? twenty o'nine?

Twenty ten just sounds shit, although i'm trying to think of a circumstance where I would actually say the current year out loud, but i'm pretty sure i'd say two thousand and ten.

Americans 2 things when they say you are welcome and lately when they call and say that they have been reaching out to you :puke:

Pretty meh between twentyten and two thousand and ten but one I've heard on the radio which utterly baffles me is "twoten". Which can only refer to the year 210 AD. For some reason, this seems to be in vogue with "sports personalities" - as in recently when I heard Seb Coe apparently looking forward to British Athletics "kicking on" "to build an athletics infrastructure" suitable for the Dark Ages.

You wouldn't like it in Somerset then Si.......everyone uses the word gurt, its the God given right of every Somersetonian!

what does "gurt" even mean?

(gûrt)
n. 1. (Mining) A gutter or channel for water, hewn out of the bottom of a working drift.

However, if Urban Dictionary is accurate it means to ejaculate on a turtle.

I was speaking to a girl in Melksham last Saturday night about the word "gurt" (dont ask me how we got onto that) but I think it has two meanings.  It can be both small (this gurt small mouse) and large (that bird has bloody gurt tits)

Dont ask me how or why - to both the meaning of gurt and why I was in Melksham on a Saturday night.

Moving forward....

Fuck off cunt.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

No shit Sherlock, but I ain't trying to build Rome, am I?

When in Rome......

Fuck off, I don't care where I am, I am NOT eating that chickens foot.

Another day, another dollar.

A dollar? Fuck that, I'm going back to bed.

The 'Crocodile closest to the canoe'.......

i know which direction you are coming from and i will take that on board

It is always used down here to mean "occupying a rather large amount of area/space/size (delete applicable)"

Bastardization of the word great.

Well, you know what they say.....

Who is they?

A stitch in time saves nine.

What?

If you make remedial effort post haste, you save yourself trouble in the long run, innit.

It usually means huge. But it's often using along with another word anyway eg "this gurt massive house". So actually it kind of means very. It's usually a word of emphasis (an adverb).

I should know, I've been living in Bristol for years.

footballers saying "you know" about 20 times in every sentence when interviewed

im sure beckham does this

Defoe's worse...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxIlOeJxoSc

I cannot agree with you more.  I caught myself using that phrase at work the other day and prompty stabbed my scrtum with a biro.

"Let's take it offline"

"We need to bottom this out". What? You mean make a fucking decision you imbecile? Or is that something that gays say to each other?

"I will have to run it by him". First degree tosser. How about "I will talk to him about it".

Jeez.

jeez

How did I know that someone was going to pick up on that?  ;D

Blimey.

"it's nothing personal"

FUCK THAT

I once had to lay off 10 good lads whom did nowt but good for me. Neither one one them deserved to lose their job and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.

IT WAS VERY, VERY PERSONAL.

Anybody who says those words to me can fuck RIGHT off because from experience I know that they are not genuine.

"No offense but...." ... and then someone continues to say something offensive.

I got told today that I needed to "interface with all invested stakeholders in the process"

I probably wouldnt have batted an eyelid at it before, but because of this thread it really wound me up.

My boss....'lets circle back' = I havent a clue what you just said can you explain it again.

and 'do you have the bandwidth' wtf am I? a fucking cable?

Morgan, I have to just say your username and avatar is both genius and disturbing.  Top notch.

Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice.

When Zane Lowe says: "Back to back, record for record"

Unless you're using Vinyls and a pair of Technics never utter this sentence, you Southern Hemispherian cunt.

R1 in Ibiza has gone down hill. Fucking Zane Lowe!

I'M ZAAANE LOWE AND III'M FACKIN AWESOME MIYTE!

All that fidget electro was ruined when that bastard came on air.

Like a twinky. Like a twinky.

I agree this is a shit phrase...but have you ever actually seen Zane Lowe do a live DJ set? I think this guy can give anyone a run for their money when it comes to vinyl and Technics, he's amazing.

Early doors - I just don't get it.

Oh.My.God-started on Friends now passed on to ridiculous make over programmes,"Oh.My.God.I've just had 30 grands worth of surgery and I look different!"

win

epic

fail

or combinations of the above e.g epic fail

people using these internetisms annoy me.

People who say PIN number...what does the fucking N stand for!

glen the god hoddle used to use this all the time, i found myself telling my labourer on site, get this done we can finish early doors, he thought i was a right cock :D

I quite like the phrase early doors.

Lots of those kind of tautology PP. I'll try and think of a few to wind you up some more.

HIV Virus
RAID Array
LCD Display
PDF format
ABS system
CAD design
NATO organization

erm, er, lots...

Thanks mate, I appreciate it

 :)

when people ask if your ok and they reply, yeah not 3 bad :smugfu:

The only person I've ever heard do that is my grandad, and he's awesome.

oh i am sorry didnt mean to offend anyone ::)

Lush, Mint, A little bit of sick..A little bit of wee, Blue sky thinking, talk about it off line, under the radar, silo mentality. 

So what's a [   ] when it's at home?

Raises my hackles every time.

anything that relates to stakeholders or internal customer.

what happen to old fashioned co-workers.
 and " touch base " that get my every time.

"Raises my hackles" really presses my cider.

punching above its weight

Hmmm are we getting to the point here where all phrases are disliked by someone? Or is it just modern 'Offlish' examples? How about 'as bright as a button' or 'as bent as a nine bob note'?

"where's my..."

Stop right there. It's yours; why the fuck would I know where it is?

"Where did you lose it?"

An awful saying, nearly as bad as 'in the loop'

Presses my cider really yanks my chain.

i'll just have to put you on hold

wtf is silo mentality?

I've never heard that phrase used and it doesn't seem to be on urban dictionary.

Is it the opposite to "The Big Society"????

wtf is that all about, we all get sacked and work for free..?!

What Does Silo Mentality Mean?
An attitude found in some organizations that occurs when several departments or groups do not want to share information or knowledge with other individuals in the same company. A silo mentality reduces efficiency and can be a contributing factor to a failing corporate culture.

I think me and Spy have got a bit of Silo Mentality going on  :)

lets ringfence that for now (it aint sheep ffs)

square pegs round holes (your idea is shit)

being honest (what you mean you normally lie)

People who pronouce data "darter".

Utter cunts.

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"-bollocks!

What doesn't kill you only serves to make you more fearfull of it in the future

Yeah it's not actually that simple is it? Otherwise everyone who's had cancer and survived would be like "oh I'm such a strong person now".

"We are on an upwards spiral"
:no:

premiershit

or any other such tossy football sayings

 :nod:

Makes me cringe. I'm just glad we no longer have aljokefree because that made me want to cut myself.

'Dog eat dog world'.

When was the last time you saw a dog eat another dog?

"Plenty of other fish in the sea"

I'd rather not fuck a kipper, thanks.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

No, that would be a red herring.  (I left it for two hours)

Oh Neville, I do love you.

'Information cascade'. They say it all the time at my moron-palace. What you mean fucktards is you tell someone. You speak. They listen and, perhaps, tell someone else. 

agree, and i posted the same weeks ago.every time i see premiershit,the premier league is rubbish etc, i want to hurt the poster responsible.

it's not to do with liking the premiership for me. I don't give a fuck. But anybody who thinks they're funny or clever or it somehow makes the point they're putting across, by just changing round a name, comes across as a bit of a fucking special needs cunt.

premiershit
aljokefree
crapello
bliar
etc

"aljokefree" was one of the worst ever things ever to be inflicted upon the TEF.

And that, my furry friends, is a FACT.

reem.

fuck off you essex cunt

"Does my swede in".

Don't know why, but it just pisses me off.

"take a chill pill"

fuck off. if i'm pissed off it's for a fucking reason

"bless his/her cotton socks"

no, lets fucking not.

I can't be bothered to check if i already contributed to this thread, but 'end of' makes me want to headbutt people in the face.

same as LS with the laziness, but I cannot stand "because of"

When people use the word banter with no shred of irony or self deprecation

'Lush'

Not a phrase I know. Fucking winds me up though.

You know what I mean?.......after every bloody sentence..

"Have you got that?" Well I don't fucking know do I? I may think I have, but I may have something completely different. Why don't you try confirming my understanding by a more effective fucking means than "Have you got that?"

Cunt.

BBC weathergirl yesterday described forecast for today as 'not too shabby'.  This warrants the sack on its own.

tbf, she was right. It's been lush and wicked down here! Result!

It has been hot as fuck today a very "not too shabby day" indeed.

"we'll take that offline"
"Bling"
"Sick"
"Lush"
"Coolio"

"Talk to the hand, 'cause the face ain't listening".

My ex missus used to use this whenever he had a row and how I never knocked her out whenever she used it I will never fucking know.

Do you want to go large....NO I FUCKING DONT YOU SPOTTY FOOL,I AM ONLY HERE BECaUSE SOME OTHER CRETIN WANTS TO EAT HORSE MEAT IN A STALE EXCUSE CALLED A BREAD ROLL.

I'm tired.com
I'm bored.com

Fuck you

Don't knock horse meat until you've tried it Leefer.

At least they do brand name cola these days. The words "that's McDonald's cola is that OK" used to make me want to shout " NO IT ISN'T YOU CHEAP SKATE BASTARDS. GIVE ME PROPER COKE OR AT THE VERY LEAST PEPSI".

But I never did. I never did.

I have tried it,had it once as a mane course :eek:

Two from my cunt of a fat smelly Pakistani boss.......

'My gut instinct tells me.....' - well you have a big gut, you fat twat. I want to know what your brain thinks, not your fucking intestines.

'People are our greatest asset' - Yes, they fucking are. In that case, let them get on with their jobs, let them make the decisions their empowered to make without fucking interfering and give a consistent message to all your staff. I don't need to be told every five fucking minutes. Cunt.

Arrgghh!!

This is quoted in one way or another in most companies annual accounts. These accuonts then go on to list exactly how much these employees cost the company. It also then goes on to talk abuot product streams and physical assets but bugger all abuot the value the employees bring to the company. For companies like Nokia their overall value is way in excess of the value of the physical assets. The rest of it is intangibles, things you can't see like patents, innovation - all due to employees. 

[url width=750 height=600]http://i53.tinypic.com/vwzf6h.jpg[/url]

"At the end of the Day"

and "blue sky thinking"

when people describe themselves as 'crazy' or 'mad'

Random is the worst for me.

No you can't put it up my arse.

its only a game

"lush" seems to have come out of nowhere in the last year or so and gets right on my tits

had two people at work this week use the word 'irregardless'

sick

It may have come back a bit, but I can definitely remember kids using it a lot when I was 12 or 13...about 25 years ago.

Basically...

Even if it is so fucking basic why have you spent an hour trying to justify it whilst using the word 'basically' as a stalling tactic throughout your presentation...

A sure fire sign someone (the presenter) doesn't really believe it is that basic...

"You'll never guess what"


If I have no chance of guessing, dont fucking ask me just tell me.

I don't entertain such stupidity.

If somebody says to me "guess what". I just say, "No, just fucking tell me"

"The fact is...".
When politicians start a sentence with that, you know what follows is going to be total bullshit.

and "Meh."

The word 'leverage'.

"Bob's your Uncle"..... no he fucking is'nt

I see what your saying.

How can you see a word ffs

 - Corporate ethos

 - Singing from the same hymn sheet

- no offense, but...

- ticks all the boxes



 -

It's probably already in here but: "Not being funny"

lets suck it and see
get with the program
my generic mp3 player, etc

People that say Do you know what i mean after ever sentence they speak. I just say to them no i don't know what you mean can you elaborate?  They just look at me confused then  :D

When anything goes wrong my sister in law says...."its only minor details" it really fucking isnt, its pretty major most of the time!

"IS IT"

...when there's absolutely no need to say it.

Person: I am going down Town later.

Knob: IS IT!

yeah that is annoying, my eldest step daughter says that all the time...gggrrrrr

That's my ass you silly twat

"You live in O*fordshire, you should support your local team"   :smugfu:

'For sure' - Usually said by footballers in post match interviews.

No, he's my Dad.

Anyone that says chillax is a cunt.

'on it like sonic'
'on it like a car bonnet'

Fuck off you scopies

Add to that: "To be fair"  :suicide:

the way i see it is....
at the end of the day....

3am voicemails "we're off our faces at the Stone Circle, wooooooooohoooooooooooo gibber gibber...

On discussion boards there are a couple of things that irritate me:

1. People who write "Sorry my bad".
2. People who quote someone else's post and just put "This" underneath it.

Your bad what? This what? What does it mean?

And I also hate it when people write "Should of", "Could of," "Must of", etc...... instead of "Should have", "Could have", "Must have"......

No shit, Sherlock.

This.

Sorry. My bad.

 "scopies"

I want to stay and put right what happened last season...... :bye:

Hair of the dog that bit you.

What?

'Try and'

Try to - you cunts.

Any of the following: Mug, mugging me off, jog on and bubble (As in 'Are you having a bubble?'

If you don't live in the East End of London, why are you talking like a cockney, you cunt?

Like you, you mean? :)

What the hell does bubble mean? Bubble Bath - laugh I assume? Bloody Mockneys.

Jog on you caaaant!

Not sure this qualifies as a phrase as such.

"Cloud Computing" which is marketing speak for "flogging an age old idea as new"

And to add to that Batch, "cloud computing" and "taking it to the cloud."

Although I do think Google Apps are the bollocks and adding Apps support to an iPhone using Exchange is a thing of beauty.

...especially as the accent is dying out in London anyway.  Most of the kids now speak MLE (aka Multicultural London English or 'Jafaican').  Increasingly, cockney is the preserve of Danny Dyer wannabes.

...who himself is a wannabe.  It's all very complicated.

I'd kill my girlfriend if I found out she had a husband

Not a phrase, but a word i've seen a bit recently; webinar.

nnngghhh.

Blue-sky thinking.  How is this creative?  The sky is always fucking blue.  Green-sky thinking - that's where the creativity is.

Not in England it's not. Usually grey round these parts.

Swindon nil  :D

Do, or do not. There is no try.

Anyhow, this study shows us Brits say "try and" more than we say "try to", but we also say it more than the Septics say it , which is a shock.

http://icame.uib.no/ij31/ij31-page45-64.pdf

Spot-on

I get at least 3 emails a day trying to sell me a shit webinar.

Oh and company directors trying to talk about "the cloud" as some sort of new magic service.   By christ, some of the utter fucking cat wanking horse semen I have seen spouted about this new magic cloud makes a Nigerian 419 look like the Doomsday book.

This is my favourite sentence ever.

When people say 'dot com' after someone says 'confused'.

Inappropriate use of the word 'literally', as in 'I will literally be one minute'.

When people (usually athletes in interviews) say something and then say 'so yeah' and then repeat what they just said.

Likewise - Webinars are the bain of my life.  Boring, tiresome drivel!

This has probably been said but can't be bothered to read the thread - the the use of the word 'sick' supposedly meaning cool?  This I hate more than anything!

'I'm offski.'

Off skiiing?  No idea.  Scottish folk say this all the time.  Don't get it.

Agreed.

I think I mentioned this earlier in the thread.
It's certainly a phrase that really winds me up.

I know were you are coming from

One chap I work with who starts a lot of his sentences with 'I hear what you're saying, but...'  When he says it, you know he's not heard a bloody word - head in sand, and he'll be wanting to stick to his Plan A.

Probably been mentioned already but - anything with 'banter' or 'bants', 'legend' or 'ledge', 'boring hell' or 'bore off' in the the phrase.
All over used by modern day mongy footballers and want to be footballers. What particularly makes my skin crawl is when someone is said to 'to have decent banter'.
 
Also hate 'to be fair' when there is absolutely no reason to say it and 'at the end of the day'

I think it means they are leaving.

Whats the size of the prize?!

Very much agreed.

I would add 'worldy' and the new trend of saying 'lad' as if it's cool and trendy.

Unless it's a Yorkshireman in his flatcap walking his whippet then I do not expect anyone to be called 'lad'.

Or want to be a footballers future wife ;)

'Brapp', so annoying and used by wannabe gangbangers. Or generally anything gangsterish, fuck off!  :nod:

"Flames"/"on flames"

Callum Kennedy's twitter is particularly guilty of this.

Sorry you failed

Cheers

"On it"

or "On it like a car bonnet"

Fuck off.

What the hell does it mean?

'Blood'

I'm not ignorant enough to know the actual meaning Batch!

The most commonly used phrase on the Jeremy Kyle show...

"At the end of the day"

pah! well you are one then,  and a total one at that.

I hope this usage doesn't backfire!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48HUdzoKiPA

think ritchie used this in his apres match interview at crawley too...

See what I did there?  ;)

No seriously, I think it's just a sound they make because they believe it makes them sound cool. Something to with rapping. Ya get me bruv!!

gratuitous use of the word cunt

Anything that twat Jamie redknapp says, especially when he criticises foreign people's grasb of English. You can't fucking manage to do it properly you complete cunt, I thought after Andy Gray I would strugle to find another cunt talk as much shit that really can't stand what a cunt. CUNT

I totally agree, there is just no need for it.

A splendid rant

Anyone who says " I'll get straight back to you" Don't believe them.

"Brrrraaaapppp" is just some Gangsta wannabe wanker trying to sound hard. it is accompanied by the Gansta stylee finger gun held 90 degrees off kilter Vin Diesel stylee and supposedly imtates the Gagsta wannabe wanker loosing off his/ her Mach 10.

"Almost exactly" as in "almost exactly a year ago"- Fuck off! Its is either exactly or almost.

"Yeah-No" or "No-Yeah" genreally in answer to a question as in "Did you have a good time?" "No-Yeah it was great!". Cunts.

Abso-fucking-lutely.

I used this myself earlier, I then proceeded to slap myself silly.

Haha your tweet was actually what sparked me off to post about it. Bad enough Kennedy and Ritchie using it, but when it spreads to the good folk of the TEF...

In what context would such a phrase be used?

instead of 'on fire' eg. kerouche is on flames...

Oh, right.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

you're preaching to the choir

This is the first time I have ever heard such a phrase.

i only heard it for the first time after crawley too

I have also never heard this phrase before.

Anyone that uses the phrase "Alright Fella, bud or bro" deserves a right royal kick in the cunt.

"I can get it much cheaper on the internet" winds me fucking right up. 

Closely followed by "I bought this on the internet and it's gone wrong, can you help me?

No I can't help you, fuck off.