Fred Elliot
I REST MY FUCKING CASE
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Posts: 15736
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« Reply #195 on: Friday, February 18, 2011, 12:22:29 » |
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Mplanney
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Posts: 175
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« Reply #196 on: Friday, February 18, 2011, 12:33:06 » |
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Sweeties
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street .
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
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Doore
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« Reply #197 on: Friday, February 18, 2011, 16:40:44 » |
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I think you'll find that was Bonnie Tylers car.
I'll get my coat. |
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leefer
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Posts: 12851
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« Reply #198 on: Monday, February 21, 2011, 19:49:19 » |
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Man goes into a posh bar and sits next to a stunning woman.
She gives him the eye but he keeps looking at his watch...and tapping it.
A bit put out she asks why he keeps looking at his watch.
Well he said,i have just bought myself a brand new telepathic watch.
Smugly he says...my watch reckons your not wearing any knickers under that little red dress of yours.
She laughs...well the fact is i am wearing knickers.
The man taps his watch and sighs...oh well,it must be an hour fast.
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Bogus Dave
Ate my own dick
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Posts: 16354
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« Reply #199 on: Monday, February 21, 2011, 20:04:38 » |
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[url width=541 height=2157]http://www.sfwchan.com/pics/51686044.jpg[/url]
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Things get better but they never get good
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Bogus Dave
Ate my own dick
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Posts: 16354
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« Reply #200 on: Monday, February 21, 2011, 21:52:47 » |
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What have plymouth argyle got in common with a stick of celery?
They're both green and pointless
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Things get better but they never get good
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tans
You spin me right round baby right round
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Posts: 25147
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« Reply #201 on: Tuesday, February 22, 2011, 23:54:53 » |
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would it be insensitive to call what's going on in libya karma?
I mean, they did try to kill Doc Brown in back to the future
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59493
Things can only get better
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« Reply #202 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 15:04:58 » |
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Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay?
I bid £6 for a clown outfit and now I'm 20 minutes away from owning Oxford United!
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59493
Things can only get better
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« Reply #203 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 15:07:18 » |
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Why isn't there any asprin in the jungle?
Because its not commercialy viable to sell pharmaceutical drugs in a sparsely populated rainforest.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Ginginho
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Posts: 6866
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« Reply #204 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 15:16:36 » |
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Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay?
I bid £6 for a clown outfit and now I'm 20 minutes away from owning Oxford United!
That would've sounded so much better had you said cowboy outfit  |
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Stef Troll
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Posts: 3150
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« Reply #205 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 15:43:32 » |
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Women fucking drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left!
How am I supposed to prepare myself with these fucking mind games?
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nevillew
Tripping the light puntastic
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Posts: 4156
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« Reply #206 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 15:52:18 » |
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Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay?
I bid £6 for a clown outfit That's some pretty big shoes to fill JJ |
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Paolo Di Canio, it's Paolo Di Canio
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leefer
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Posts: 12851
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« Reply #207 on: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 19:09:01 » |
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Why isn't there any asprin in the jungle?
Because its not commercialy viable to sell pharmaceutical drugs in a sparsely populated rainforest.
I thought it was because the parrotsetemal. |
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Super Jan fjortoft
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Posts: 106
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« Reply #208 on: Friday, February 25, 2011, 09:56:14 » |
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Just for Fred:
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
A seizure salad...
 What’s blue and doesn’t fit? A dead epileptic |
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I told you i was ill!
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59493
Things can only get better
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« Reply #209 on: Friday, February 25, 2011, 10:16:33 » |
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I was on the bus, reading a paper, sat in the disabled seat. I looked up to find a few passengers looking at me in disgust.
I said, "What's the problem? There aren't any disabled people on board."
An irate man said, "Look mate, we've been sat here for half an hour. Do your job and drive the fucking bus."
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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