Joke thread......

[Sade]

Jokes please people,I'm in the mood for a laugh

Ok,I heard some funny ones today and I am deeply sorry if I offend anybody ok but I'm not really nasty.

How do you save an ethiopian from drowning?

Through it a polo
( )


Whats the fastest thing on earth?

An ethiopian chasing a mc donalds van.


A cucumber,a pickle and a Willy were chatting about how their life sucks.The cucumber said 'When I'm fat and juicy they cut me up and chuck me in a salad'.The pickle replied 'thats nothing,when I'm fat and juicy they soak me in vinegar and put me in a jar'.The willy said 'You think thats bad hear this.They throw a tent over my head put me in a dark room and knock my head against the wall until I'm sick and pass out'
   

[DMR]

:?

[Ralphy]

Last one was good Sade.

[Sade]

ok how do you erase the first two I knew It would offend people.

[Ben Wah Balls]

The funniest thing was the way you spelt throw.

Last one was not bad though.

[Sade]

*throw  

[DMR]

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about, never knowing where he was or, sometimes, even who he was. She decided to take him to a nursing home.

At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man started slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he started leaning forward. This time the nurse strapped him into the chair.

After completing the paperwork, his wife walked up to him and asked, "So are you sure this place is okay?"

"It's okay," he said, "but why won't they let me fart?"

[Sade]

Good one dave.

[DMR]

A personal favourite of my fathers...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session
with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed
with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann, "Your obsession is
with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's
name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is
alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's
name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly gets
up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers.
"Come on Dick, we're leaving"

[Ralphy]

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the
pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old
man replied, "It's fart Rugby."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, Try and
conversion - 7-all".

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
Penalty - 10 points to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Penalty
- 10-all."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and
says,"Drop goal, I lead 13 to 10."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a
woman, so he strains real hard, but to no availability .

Realising a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he
craps in the bed.

The wife says, What the hell was that?" The old man says,
"Half time, change sides.

[Sade]

haha.

[Sade]

That one is hilarious!!!I am nearly crying

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the
pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old
man replied, "It's fart Rugby."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, Try and
conversion - 7-all".

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
Penalty - 10 points to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Penalty
- 10-all."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and
says,"Drop goal, I lead 13 to 10."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a
woman, so he strains real hard, but to no availability .

Realising a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he
craps in the bed.

The wife says, What the hell was that?" The old man says,
"Half time, change sides.

[Sade]

Not exactly a joke,but another sadieo moment occured today at work.....

Lady 1- "my mums got hemeroids(spelling)"

lady 2-"what are they"

Dumb ass - "Are'nt they those things that fall from the sky?"

   

Just in my defence I did'nt hear them properly honest.

[DMR]

Not exactly a joke,but another sadieo moment occured today at work.....

Lady 1- "my mums got hemeroids(spelling)"

lady 2-"what are they"

Dumb ass - "Are'nt they those things that fall from the sky?"

   

Just in my defence I did'nt hear them properly honest.

i'm quoting this so you can't delete it  

[Sade]

Oh Piss flaps :x