As Mickey is banned I think it is only right that I should repost his best posts onto this forum. This is a classic.
Dear Mr King
My name is Steve I am a scouser living in Australia. I heard you are struggling for players this saterday I can help out if you like. I think that I am the midfield general you are looking for. I am a holding player(i.e cant run more than 20 yards without stopping), I am very dirty and like to get sent off on my debut. I shout at people and blame everyone else for my own mistakes. But I know you like to call this "unseen work".
I have 25 England caps. I know that this is because my Dad kidnapped Bobby Robsons beloved Beagle and threatened to behead it if I did not play but I still consider them to be valid.
I am afraid I dont have any boots as the hospital would not return them after removing them from the young lads skull. 
I hate training the under 11s dont you? they are such girls blouses. Hopefully you can lend me some.(Boots that is not girl blouses.I have enough of them from my old freind Alan Hansen). If possible can I have steel toe capped ones I will attach my own special studs with the nails in.
As for shirts and shorts due to all the weight training I have been doing I will need extra extra large. If you still have Neal Ruddocks old shirt lying around that should fit fine. Another Liverpool freind Sammy Lee has lent me his girdle just in case. If possible can the shorts have pockets to hold my darts and flick knife. Do not worry I disguise the flick knife as an inhaler and I see the ref before the game and tell him I am an asmahtic. It is a trick I learnt from Glenn Hoddle during the 1986 world cup. Even to this day the media are still wondering why he had so much time and space to play.
Hope to see you on saturday at Barnsley.
Best Wishes
Steve Mcmahon
P.S Dont worry about my wig and nappies I will bring my own.
