Imodium

[4D]

To make matters worse, as if they could be, just as I had effectively shat on my own head I had to walk past some blokes walking home from a late shift at the local sorting office.

[NEV] Quite a turn out? [NEV]

[Victor Mildew]

Right the shit in the wood story.

We need to go back about 8 or 9 years

*Scobby Doo style wavy lines*

Me and my good lady wife had just got back from a festival, it was about 2 in the morning. Both knackered so straight to bed. I wake up at about 3 really really desperate for a dump, go to the bog.

Oh no, no bog roll.

Not a problem I reckon I can make it up to the 24 hour Tesco for more supplies.

Put on my zip up hoodie( this is an important factor of the story)  Jump in the car, drive up there, The desperation has subsided slightly and not really wanting to buy just bog roll I get a few other bits in too.

At the till I decide that perhaps I am needing to go. I know, I can use the bogs here at the shop, erm no they are closed.
 So I jump in the car, it won't start. Try a few times and it is not having it. Nothing for it but abandon car in car park and walk home.
By now I am touching cloth, this is a def com 1 situation. I take a slight detour into the woods and do what I need to do. As I come out the woods it starts to rain so I put my hood up.
Somehow and to this day I am still not that sure how I had managed to shit in my hoodie top. So I managed to get a big steaming turd on my head.

To make matters worse, as if they could be, just as I had effectively shat on my own head I had to walk past some blokes walking home from a late shift at the local sorting office.

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:I hope it was a good solid one!

[Victor Mildew]

im sat here picturing crouching down having a dump with a hoody on! fucking long hoody,are you a Giraffe?

[WR5]

im sat here picturing crouching down having a dump with a hoody on! fucking long hoody,are you a Giraffe?

like I said no idea how it happened .

   Did you tell the missus what had happened when you got home or did you just clamber into bed and keep quiet about it?!

No I thought it best to have a shower.

[Chubbs]

Right the shit in the wood story.

We need to go back about 8 or 9 years

*Scobby Doo style wavy lines*

Me and my good lady wife had just got back from a festival, it was about 2 in the morning. Both knackered so straight to bed. I wake up at about 3 really really desperate for a dump, go to the bog.

Oh no, no bog roll.

Not a problem I reckon I can make it up to the 24 hour Tesco for more supplies.

Put on my zip up hoodie( this is an important factor of the story)  Jump in the car, drive up there, The desperation has subsided slightly and not really wanting to buy just bog roll I get a few other bits in too.

At the till I decide that perhaps I am needing to go. I know, I can use the bogs here at the shop, erm no they are closed.
 So I jump in the car, it won't start. Try a few times and it is not having it. Nothing for it but abandon car in car park and walk home.
By now I am touching cloth, this is a def com 1 situation. I take a slight detour into the woods and do what I need to do. As I come out the woods it starts to rain so I put my hood up.
Somehow and to this day I am still not that sure how I had managed to shit in my hoodie top. So I managed to get a big steaming turd on my head.

To make matters worse, as if they could be, just as I had effectively shat on my own head I had to walk past some blokes walking home from a late shift at the local sorting office.

im getting some funny looks at the moment, they have no clue what im laughing at

[PHIL!!!!]

Right the shit in the wood story.

We need to go back about 8 or 9 years

*Scobby Doo style wavy lines*

Me and my good lady wife had just got back from a festival, it was about 2 in the morning. Both knackered so straight to bed. I wake up at about 3 really really desperate for a dump, go to the bog.

Oh no, no bog roll.

Not a problem I reckon I can make it up to the 24 hour Tesco for more supplies.

Put on my zip up hoodie( this is an important factor of the story)  Jump in the car, drive up there, The desperation has subsided slightly and not really wanting to buy just bog roll I get a few other bits in too.

At the till I decide that perhaps I am needing to go. I know, I can use the bogs here at the shop, erm no they are closed.
 So I jump in the car, it won't start. Try a few times and it is not having it. Nothing for it but abandon car in car park and walk home.
By now I am touching cloth, this is a def com 1 situation. I take a slight detour into the woods and do what I need to do. As I come out the woods it starts to rain so I put my hood up.
Somehow and to this day I am still not that sure how I had managed to shit in my hoodie top. So I managed to get a big steaming turd on my head.

To make matters worse, as if they could be, just as I had effectively shat on my own head I had to walk past some blokes walking home from a late shift at the local sorting office.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

That is fucking brilliant!

[Coca Fola]

How on earth did you manage that haha

[paul backskin]

I was in india once and had the trotts, i thought thats ok, i have some imodium. This made no impact whatsoever, getting the shits in india is nothing like the english stuff. I went down the chemist and explained that the consistantcy of my turd was thinner than piss, he said take this. he handed me some strange orange powder, i thought i had nothing to lose as i was pretty sure the next time i had a shit one of my lungs was going to come out, i must say about 30 mins after i had the powder, i felt right as rain and didnt shit for 5 days, when i did the consistancy was back to normal, i think it was pixie dust. incredible stuff.

[ChinaWhitenRed]

Fuck Imodium.
I had a quite normal frothy beer bottom experience in the Philippines. Having a solid shit in that place is normally headlines on the TV news, so before taking the plane home, I dosed myself up on Imodium.
4 days later and no sign of 10Kg of food I decided to force the fucker out. Bad decision. Split me ring. A 2inch turd does not like to come out of a 1 inch hole. I spent a month in bed and pain you dont want to think about after every daily turn out.
All is well now but round turns are a thing of the past.....can you remember those Playdough things with different shaped discs? I am the human version of that machine.