Right the shit in the wood story.
We need to go back about 8 or 9 years
*Scobby Doo style wavy lines*
Me and my good lady wife had just got back from a festival, it was about 2 in the morning. Both knackered so straight to bed. I wake up at about 3 really really desperate for a dump, go to the bog.
Oh no, no bog roll.
Not a problem I reckon I can make it up to the 24 hour Tesco for more supplies.
Put on my zip up hoodie( this is an important factor of the story) Jump in the car, drive up there, The desperation has subsided slightly and not really wanting to buy just bog roll I get a few other bits in too.
At the till I decide that perhaps I am needing to go. I know, I can use the bogs here at the shop, erm no they are closed.
So I jump in the car, it won't start. Try a few times and it is not having it. Nothing for it but abandon car in car park and walk home.
By now I am touching cloth, this is a def com 1 situation. I take a slight detour into the woods and do what I need to do. As I come out the woods it starts to rain so I put my hood up.
Somehow and to this day I am still not that sure how I had managed to shit in my hoodie top. So I managed to get a big steaming turd on my head.
To make matters worse, as if they could be, just as I had effectively shat on my own head I had to walk past some blokes walking home from a late shift at the local sorting office.
