Best man speech

[nochee]

Fornication.............no sorry, for an occasion.

Sadly (insert name here) couldn't make it today, but he/she has promised to be at your'e next wedding

[DMR]

The other ones I remember...

When getting up from your chair and about to start - "Thats the second time today i've got off a nice warm seat with paper in my hand"

The farther of the bride isn't so much loosing his daughter, but rather gaining a bathroom

When Dave told me he was marrying the love of his life, I wondered if it was leagal to marry the whole of Swindon Town FC.

Anyone using the last one deserves a kick in the groin.

[Bob's Orange]

Anyone using the last one deserves a kick in the groin.

Have to say I concur!

[Reeeeeves]

There are obviously some very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible. And the great thing is that as the evening progresses, most of us will get to spend more and more time talking with them and getting to know them. So please raise your glasses and join me in a very special toast – to the bar staff!


I used that one for my brother's wedding, seemed to go down well.

[axs]

I've heard that tiers joke at about 4 weddings in the last couple of years, getting a bit tired now.

[Reg Smeeton]

 Couldn't you just get Neville to do a whole set of puns....sleepingwalking somnambulance standard, throw him some ket words, get the puns and link it into a narrative.

[WR5]

Couldn't you just get Neville to do a whole set of puns....sleepingwalking somnambulance standard, throw him some ket words, get the puns and link it into a narrative.

Just say Neigh

[Simon Pieman]

I've heard that tiers joke at about 4 weddings in the last couple of years, getting a bit tired now.

Bored to tiers with it

[Nomoreheroes]

Pick on idiosyncrasies and caricature them. I told the story that the groom liked the odd cigar and the bride hated it and gave him lots of grief. That being the case I presented them with some 'toys' to aid marital bliss - I gave her a gas mask and him a pair of ear defenders. I told them it was important to set a marker on how the marriage should progress. I then gave him a hard hat with the label 'The Boss' on it. I gave her a similar one too with the label 'The Real Boss'.

Furthermore, I got both the bride and groom to tell 'embarrassing' stories about themselves. I'd reasearch a couple of stories with their friends and family. I fed them each with the line 'Tell us all about the time when you did x'. The implied threat of 'if you don't tell them I will' was enough for them to spill the beans themselves without me having to say much at all! (Other than to make sure they didnt gloss over the best bits!)

[nevillew]

Couldn't you just get Neville to do a whole set of puns....sleepingwalking somnambulance standard, throw him some ket words, get the puns and link it into a narrative.

I was thinking of offering something like this, possibly to tie in with the ceremony as well.  I could call it  'nevillew, at your service'

[leefer]

Maybe do as a friend of mine did a few years back.

Announce to the sitting throngs that as a big suprise he has tracked down a past girlfriend of the groom and that he will just go and bring her in......time for worried looks and nasty comments.

Then my friend walks out with a pet sheep

Please note that no animals were harmed though ironically lamb was on the menu

[Mexicano Rojo]

I did this bit leftfield but went down a storm.....

i said i asked friends and family for advice on speech and they all said look on the internet,so i went on internet and there are loads of sites, so i have to admit alot of this has been taken from other speeches.

i then read out someone elses speech from start to finish without changing any names or any details. got the whole room to stand up and toast peter and cathy, at kate and matts wedding.

[janaage]

I was my brothers best man and wrote a speech which I was really unhappy with, so a day before the wedding I decided to scrap the bulk of the speech and sing a song instead, I changed the words to 'who the fuck is Alice', to 'Mike's finally married Ali' which basically was a bit of a biography of their relationship. went down really, especially as they were going out for about 13 years before getting hitched.

In the 'telegrams section' a good line is do after a couple of real messages is to chuck in a

'a message from 'friend's name' who grew up with 'groom', friends for years, 'friend's name' now lives in Japan' and his message reads *then in an over the top way ramble on in japanese for a sentence or two'

catches the audience off guard and any should go down well enough.

[suttonred]

My best man thought it would be funny to have this blown up to massive poster size (fancy dress on my stag do):

[url width=537 height=720]http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/76866_454043208977_505013977_5499569_4333379_n.jpg[/url]

There are 3 true facts about croydon.

First the skyline has been used to double for manhattan in several films and series. Secondly until Heathrow opened in the early 60's croydon airport was the largest in England. Finally no matter how hard you look, you wont find a better looking bird than this on a friday night.

[tans]

I heard he pissed himself in the strip club aswell