THE RULES - From a man's view

[STFC_Gazzza]

The Man Rules  
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down  

 Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.

 Now here are the rules from the male side.  


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really ..

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor racing


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Bogus Dave]

haha  

[Summerof69]

Men Are Just Happier People
 
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
 
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
 
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
 
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
 
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
 
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[Simon Pieman]

Don't you all feel that little bit more manly for getting that off your chests?

I much preferred it when us blokes talked about tits, football, beer and farting.

[janaage]

For the love of God, just because the season's over do we really have to sink to this level???   My word, the weather, copy and paste list jobs whatever next?

[Simon Pieman]

Friday lunches?

[Fred Elliot]

For the love of God, just because the season's over do we really have to sink to this level???   My word, the weather, copy and paste list jobs whatever next?

You grumpy fucker

 

[STFCBird]

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

That's bollocks though as I don't need to buy anything, I borrow it off sussex.  He has more face creams than superdrug. I even use his razor to shave my legs and underarms and maybe other places  

[flammableBen]

For the love of God, just because the season's over do we really have to sink to this level???   My word, the weather, copy and paste list jobs whatever next?

I don't mind the weather, but copy and paste efforts are pretty dull. It pisses me off when I get stuff like this in forwarded emails (one of the reasons I rarely check my emails anymore), yet alone on the mighty tef.

[STFCBird]

Aren't we a ray of fucking sunshine  :-))(

[janaage]

Tbh I am in a right grumpy mood today.  Not a little ray of sunshine by any means.  

I take it back about the weather thread, I suppose that's worth talking about, but I'm sticking to my guns about these "funny" c&p efforts.

[BANGKOK RED]

For the love of God, just because the season's over do we really have to sink to this level???  My word, the weather, copy and paste list jobs whatever next?

In a word.... Yes!

[STFCBird]

Tbh I am in a right grumpy mood today.  Not a little ray of sunshine by any means.  

I take it back about the weather thread, I suppose that's worth talking about, but I'm sticking to my guns about these "funny" c&p efforts.

Sorry that was aimed at FB

[Simon Pieman]

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

That's bollocks though as I don't need to buy anything, I borrow it off sussex.  He has more face creams than superdrug. I even use his razor to shave my legs and underarms and maybe other places  

We should definitely go for KFC while Sussex goes handbag and shoes shopping once he is better.

[STFCBird]

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

That's bollocks though as I don't need to buy anything, I borrow it off sussex.  He has more face creams than superdrug. I even use his razor to shave my legs and underarms and maybe other places  

We should definitely go for KFC while Sussex goes handbag and shoes shopping once he is better.

That sounds ok to me. He loves hand bag shopping