magicroundabout
Fanta Pants
Offline
Posts: 8746
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« on: Friday, April 1, 2005, 08:43:33 » |
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you might have seen it before but it's still funny
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. > They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are > the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense
> of humour. > > Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV,
> how do the plants grow? (UK). > A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching > them die. > > Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) > A: Depends how much you've been drinking. > > Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad > tracks? (Sweden) > A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. > > Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) > A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. > > Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a > list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) > A: What did your last slave die of? > > Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? > (USA) > A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. > Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in > Kings Cross. Come naked. > > Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) > A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here > and we'll send the rest of the directions. > > Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) > A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. > > Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which > is...oh forget it. > Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, > straight after the hippo races. Come naked. > > Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) > A: You are a British politician, right? > > Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year > round? (Germany) > A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is
> illegal. > > Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense > rattlesnake serum. (USA) > A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All > Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and > make good pets. > > Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget > its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) > A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
of
> Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You
can
> scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
> walking. > > Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) > A: No, WE don't stink. > > Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) > A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. > > Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> is smaller than the male population? (Italy) > A: Yes, gay nightclubs. > > Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) > > A: Only at Christmas. > > Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) > A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. > > Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) > A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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