Dazzza
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« on: Thursday, February 17, 2005, 19:37:02 » |
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One at a time please.
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Dazzza
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« Reply #1 on: Thursday, February 17, 2005, 19:38:18 » |
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Two men walk naked into a fancy dress
party, one with his knob in a pear, the
other with his knob in a bowl of custard.
"What have you two come as?" the host asks
'I'm deep in despair" says one...
"and he's fucking disgusted."
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Simon Pieman
Original Wanker
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« Reply #2 on: Thursday, February 17, 2005, 19:39:32 » |
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How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill
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DMR
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« Reply #3 on: Thursday, February 17, 2005, 19:44:43 » |
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An oxford fan walks into a doctors surgery with a frog growing on his forehead.
"Thats a fucking ugly growth" says the doctor.
"I know...." says the frog, "it started as a spot on my arse"
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Simon Pieman
Original Wanker
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« Reply #4 on: Thursday, February 17, 2005, 19:47:02 » |
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A man tries to get into a trendy new wine bar.
Bouncer: "Sorry, but we have a dress code here - you need a tie to get in."
So the man goes back to his car and looks for his tie, which to his dismay, is nowhere to be found. Suddenly he gets a bright idea, opens the boot and wraps a pair of jump leads around his neck. Then, acting perfectly normal goes back to the bar.
Bouncer: "Look, I told you before, you need a tie."
Man: "I couldn't find a tie, but I found these [pointing to jump leads]. Please let me in, all my mates are expecting me, and I'm the designated driver
Bouncer: "Ok mate, I will let you in. Just don't start anything ok!"
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janaage
People's Front of Alba
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« Reply #5 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 09:58:36 » |
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Police arrested two boys last night after they were found eating a car battery and a firework. One was charged but the other was let off.
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magicroundabout
Fanta Pants
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« Reply #6 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 10:22:58 » |
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2 bears in an airing cupboard. which ones in the army?  the one on the tank :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick 2 flees on a fanny, which ones on drugs? the one sniffing the crack :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick |
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janaage
People's Front of Alba
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« Reply #7 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 10:48:12 » |
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Paddy and Paddy are walking down the riverbank, on each side, after a while Paddy shouts over to Paddy
"Hey Paddy, how do ya get on the odda side of de river?"
So Paddy replies "Paddy, ya daft bastard, I am on de odda side of de river"
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STFCBird
Ralphy's Wet Dream
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C U Next Tuesday!
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« Reply #8 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 11:13:19 » |
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Paddy and Paddy are walking down the riverbank, on each side, after a while Paddy shouts over to Paddy
"Hey Paddy, how do ya get on the odda side of de river?"
So Paddy replies "Paddy, ya daft bastard, I am on de odda side of de river" That is not funny, I am Irish :evil: |
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janaage
People's Front of Alba
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« Reply #9 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 11:17:19 » |
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Ha ha, that makes it funnier!!
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STFCBird
Ralphy's Wet Dream
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C U Next Tuesday!
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« Reply #10 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 11:23:19 » |
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:evil:
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Simon Pieman
Original Wanker
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« Reply #11 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 14:18:55 » |
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another oirish one for bird then:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all escape from a prison. With the prison guards giving chace they run through many alleyways, only to their dismay reach an alley with a dead end, and just three empty sacks.
"Quick" says the Scot, "we'll hide in these!"
"Good idea" both the others agree.
Very sonn the prison guards get to the alleyway. Wondering where the escapees have gone, they decide to check the sacks. One of the guards kicks the first sack with the Scotsman in.
"Woof woof" barks the Scot. The guard is fooled and tells the others "it's just a dog!"
The guard kicks the second sack with the English bugger in. "Miaow" crys the Englishman. Again the guard is fooled and tells the others "it's just a cat!"
Desperately thinking that they have lost the prisoners, the guard haphazardly kicks the last sack, with the Irishman in.
"Potatoes".......
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janaage
People's Front of Alba
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« Reply #12 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 14:27:47 » |
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Englishman, scots and irishman working on building site, building a bridge. One day they take a break for lunch, each gettin gout their packed lunched. "Oh for fuck sake" says the englishman "if I get prawn sandwiches again tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this fucking bridge". Scotsman opens his sanwiches "Fucking hell, if I get ham sandwiches, I'm gonna jump too". So Paddy says "Be Jesus, if I get cheese sandwiches tomorrow I'll jump with ya."
Next day Englishman opens he's lunch box, looks in and jumps off. Scots opens his, takes a bite, jumps off. Paddy opens his looks at what's in his sandwiches then jumps and plummits to his death.
At the joint funeral, the englishman's wife gets up and says I can't understand it, if I'd only known John didn't want prawn sandwiches I'd have changed them. Same here says the scotsman's wife. Paddy's wife gets up and says, I don't understand, Paddy always used to make his own sandwiches.
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Simon Pieman
Original Wanker
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« Reply #13 on: Friday, February 18, 2005, 14:31:29 » |
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Classics, all classics
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